Finally Finished

I never got to put together a nursery before the boys were born. So since we've been here in Chicago, I've slowly been putting together and decorating Andrew's room. A little here and a little there. I really enjoy doing stuff like this. Not the best at it, but I do enjoy it. Now it's finished and I'm glad to have it finally done! Just thought I'd share a few pictures.

I fell in love with this cute elephant theme. After I put it up in his room, I love it even more! Since we're just renting this place, we couldn't do much with paint. So I decided to sew my own curtain since his room gets the evening sun. (Whenever it's not hiding behind the clouds, which is about...oh...90% of the time these days.) The curtains were way easy and fun to make. I think they turned out great and are far better than anything I could have bought.

These two teddy bears have a special place in our hearts. They were given to our boys in the hospital by their cousins, when we knew that we'd be saying good bye to Ethan.  After that, Andrew has slept with the bears watching over him  each night in his crib.

After Ethan passed, we were given some beautiful pictures of Christ with children. I love having this one in Andrew's room along with the"Child of God" sign. We look at it often with it being above his changing pad and sing "I am a child of God." It's his favorite...and mine too!

I love the way this turned out. We received this saying just after Ethan passed. I wasn't quite sure how to display it. After lots of brainstorming, I decided to put it with the first picture or ultrasound we had of our boys together and the last picture of them together. After we took Ethan off the ventilator, he was able to breath on his own for a good 3-4 hours. It wasn't until just after we walked him down the hall to Andrew's bedside and laid him next to his brother in the crib, that he was ready to say goodbye and take his last breath.  I will certainly treasure this picture which captured the last moments they had together on this earth. I'm also very thankful for the darling nurses who just took our camera and snapped away.

Chicago Express

 We live about 5 minutes from the big Sears Center Arena. We drive by all the time and sometimes have to get re-routed, because of the event traffic.  Because we live right in the same city as the Sears Center, we get special deals and discounts. This facility holds a number of different events and this time of year it's HOCKEY season in Chicagoland.  So we decided to take advantage and get some good deals on some hockey tickets.

I'm surprised at how big of a sport this is out here. It was a lot of fun and we had awesome seats on the 4th row to cheer on the Chicago Express. Some people might call us crazy that we'd take a little 7 month old baby to the game, but we had a great night out as a whole family. Andrew did amazingly wonderful, considering it was in the evening and during his bed time. He enjoyed watching the players and didn't even cry or get scared when they scored a goal and all the big sirens went off. We sure had a lot of fun!

Andrew's First Laugh

So we just have to share this...

As we were waiting in the lobby for our car to be worked on this weekend, we got some cute little laughs out of our big boy.  Stephen quickly pulled his phone out and was able to catch just a little bit before he got tired. We've decided we have one ticklish boy! Enjoy.

Our Halloween

It was so fun to celebrate Halloween this year....even though I know that Andrew had absolutely no idea what was happening nor will he remember a single thing that we did. But none the less, we celebrated lots and I definitely got into the Halloween spirit. In the past,  I'd blame the "little kid" in me on being around my school kids each and every day and their excitement would rub off on me.  But this year, I didn't have that excuse. I guess I'm just a kid at heart. Thank goodness Stephen is such a good sport and puts up with me and my big ideas.

We  had lots of fun coming up with our costumes and had a few different Halloween parties that we dressed up for. 

Here is our puppy Toto

 I just have to laugh at this picture. His face says it all...."Why in the world are you dressing me up in this??? Oh PLEASE mom, no more pictures!!!"

 Along with Dorthy and the Tin Man.

Although we didn't go trick-or-treating on Halloween night, we had our traditional yummy white chicken chili and breadsticks and carved pumpkins.
Then we decided to kicked back, relax and watch a few scary movies as we waited for trick-or-treaters to come knocking. In the meantime, I got scared out of my wits and we ate way too much candy. After the first movie, I was a bit...well...I'll admit...scared to go to bed. So, I told Stephen we needed to watch something else to get my mind off of it. So out of the kindness of his heart, Stephen put on and watched Twilight with me. Not that I'm a huge Twilight fan. In fact, I think we laughed more at the cheesy-ness than anything else. But it certainly got my mind off the first movie. Before we new it, it was way too late and we hadn't gotten a single trick-or-treater.
The next day we definitely had a Halloween hang-over.  Guess it was bound to happen. We had a wonderful weekend full of the all the Halloween festivities.

A Welcomed Visit

We were so excited to have more visitors this month! We had a wonderful visit with my parents, who came to visit for an entire week. They were able to get in a lot of Andrew time and he was able to show off how grown-up he is with all of his smiles and coos. This was a first for my parents to see him off of oxygen. (since we lived with them before moving out here.) We had a great week and had fun showing them the area. My dad loves to stay busy and so we put him to work fixing a few things around the house...especially our wobbly dishwasher. Thanks SO much dad! They even let Stephen and I have a little date night to the temple. It's hard to leave Andrew with a babysitter, being a little medically needed with the feeding tube, so we really appreciate at them letting us get away for the night. The last day they were here, we headed into the city. This was a first for Stephen and I since we've been here. It was a beautiful fall day and we decided to spend the afternoon at Navy Pier. It was fun to see the skyline along the lake and all the boats in the pier. We even took a little boat ride ourselves   Andrew was quite the little trooper and just went with the flow. He's such a good and easy going little baby.

Andrew, Stephen and my dad looking out at Lake Michigan

My mom and I with the Chicago skyline

Going for a boat ride in the "Windy City" of Chicago

A Columbus Day Tradition

So for some reason, Columbus Day hasn't really been much of anything. Just another day, like all of the beautiful fall days in October. (I guess it's because, in Utah we don't get school or work off or anything.) Well, here in Chicagoland (yes that's what they call it out here.... Chicagoland...I tend to chuckle each time I hear that term. It reminds me of things like Candyland or Disneyland....but this is beside the point)  Anyways, the 2nd Monday in October was much more of a "Holiday" then I would have guessed.  All of the kids had a day off of school, some businesses were closed and there was a big parade downtown in the city. I also learned that, the second Monday in October, is the day that Canada celebrates Thanksgiving. We were invited by some friends here, who is from Canada, to join their family for their big feast and celebration.

The best part of the Columbus day for me was to be apart of a long family tradition in the Holden Family. Every year growing up, Stephen and his family would go with his grandparents up to a place called Rifle River. Ever since we were married, I heard about these traditions. Well this year, since we live much closer...we made the drive to Michigan for the weekend and made the trip with them. It was so beautiful. I loved all the bright colors we saw along the way. I've never seen such brilliant oranges on so many maple trees. Simply breath taking. We did the traditional picnic and saw the traditional sight of the swinging bridge and look out tower. It was a quick weekend with lots of driving. But it was great to be able to get away and see some beautiful sights with the Holden family. We had gorgeous and unusually warm weather...you couldn't ask for more!

A beautiful view of the trees from the lookout tower.

Benny's messy face from the Picnic.

The gang...takin' a break.

A Traditional picture of all the Holden Siblings

A family Picture

All the adults climbing the old tree

Write it Down...

Finding his fists...well actually his thumb for that fact. Last week he truly sucked his thumb and calmed himself down.

He smiles and coos all the time. It's so funny because after he is half way done with his bottle he'll just smile away and talk your ear off. (Maybe this is a reason why he's not interested in finishing his bottle.) He's becoming a pretty social little baby.

He loves to hold your fingers, especially when he eats. Also, when he gets flustered, he starts grabbing for anything and everything. As soon as you offer a finger or two he holds on tight and settles down. Maybe it's because that's all we could do the first few months of his life. Touch his little head and hold his little hand.

Tummy time...is not the most favorite time around our house. Andrew is still working on gaining control of that little noggin of his. He's doing so much better, but still struggles especially when he's tired. So we're doing trying to do tons of this...as much as he'll tolerate. 

 As we were going through so pictures the other day Stephen saw this one.

Sometimes we forget how small these boys really were when they were born. When people find out he's a preemie they always ask how much he weighed. Our response of 2lb 7oz is so hard to comprehend. Well, here's a comparison we took. He really has come a long way and truly fits his name. strong &  courageous

Time is flying by

Has it really been six months since this little miracle was born into our family? Where has the time gone? We certainly are keeping busy out here. I credit most of it to our dear sweet Andrew.  Not just your average...busy with a new baby in our household.  I feel like we've had a zillion of doctor visits since we moved here and looking back over the calendar...we really have!   An average week for me is 1-2 doctor appointments. Although, we did have a week of NO appointments, which was a lovely break.  Yet, I'm sure that we were just making up for the week of 5...yes FIVE doctor appointments all in the same week. They aren't all that bad. We have had some great news at these appointments.

1. Andrew finally passed his hearing screening, with our visit with the audiologist earlier last month. In the hospital, he passed the typical screening that all babies have, but being a preemie they did an Auditory Brainstem Response or ABR test which is much more in depth. The fluid in his left ear is finally gone and he passed with flying colors. We're so thankful that he can hear in both ears.
2. Also, we had to go to a few ophthalmologists to find one who sees patients with active ROP or (Retinopathy Of Prematurity) Andrew had a very mild case, but this potentially can lead to blindness. Last week, the dr. told us that everything has fully developed, it's not active any more and all is normal. Another huge relief. We just have to continue with eye appointments now every six months. They are key in finding out if his shunt is continuing to work. I know that seems weird, but the pressure from the spinal fluid not draining, will put pressure on the retina. So the long 3 hour eye appointment of getting eyes dilated and waiting will now only happen every 6 months.  
3. Nephrologist.....yeah, I had to look that one up when they told me I needed to follow-up with a nephrologist aka (kidney doctor) Because the the vast amounts of medications Andrew was on in the NICU, it was terribly hard on his kidney's. And yes...this little kiddo has kidney stones.  All the doctor seem to say that "it's no big deal for babies" and "they should take care of themselves".  Well, thankfully this doctor says we just need to continue to monitor his kidney growth and such.  In the meantime, we've been to the hospital labs to have ultrasounds, urine cultures and a urine analysis done. Yeah....that was a fun visit. 
4. NICU follow-up Team. This is a great program they have here in Illinois. We're able to go to a clinic and have a neonatalologist and a team of specialist follow Andrew.  It was nice to go to one appointment and see about 4 different specialist. They'll seen him again at 9 months, 1-year and 2 years old. By then a typical preemie should be caught up.
5. Speech therapy. Yes this is were my focus this last month has mostly been. If you've read the previous post...you'll know why. 
6. Early Intervention. They are a team of therapists that work with Andrew. Although he qualifies, he doesn't quite need any services yet. Thank goodness they come to our home. Which is a nice change and we don't have to go anywhere for this one.               
7. Oh yes...besides all of these specialist we've seen this month...we've also had his typical pediatrician well-check visits. For his 6 month appointment this week, Andrew weighs 12lbs 2oz and is 24 inches long. He is in the 25th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for height. Although, he's on a different scale they use for preemie boys and his adjusted age of 3 months. (He's way off the charts for a typical 6 month old)

As busy as he keeps us, we wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. How could you with a smile like that? He's worth everything and then more.

Suck, Swallow, Breathe

For most babies eating is a piece of cake, for some preemies including Andrew....the task can be very difficult. This past month or so I have come to realize that it takes a lot of energy and effort to coordinate how to suck, swallow and breathe while taking a bottle. Andrew has really been struggling with eating lately. Especially the last 2 or 3 weeks. It has really gone down hill and gotten worse. For a while he'd only have a bad feeding every once in a while. But lately it's most every time he eats. It's so hard when it takes an hour to get one bottle of 2.5 oz down. After talking with his doctor, he told us to just try for 30 min and let him eat what he can.  Although it's not as time consuming, after 30 minutes of trying we had a unhappy little guy (who I knew was still hungry) but would simply shut down because it was too hard to eat. It's draining... especially when that's pretty much my life with him. Eat & Sleep.  This was a downward spiral of then not sleeping very good and then eating even worse after that.

We decided we needed some help and went to a speech therapist a few weeks ago. Yes. A speech therapist. At this age work with the suck/swallow/breath coordination and the shape of his mouth/tongue formation and the strength of his suck. Who knew that eating could be so complicated? Well I didn't think much of it either, until I had a little one who struggles with it.

The speech therapist was a great help. It was comforting to know that it wasn't just me. She explained that up until 3 months old (adjusted age) everything is automatic or a basic reflex when it comes to eating. Well, at 3 months of age it becomes more of a conscious choice of something a baby must coordinate on their own. This is why we've seen the regression.  After her assessment, she gave us some hope, taught us a bunch of things and sent us on our way with a number of things to try, watch for and consider.

I feel like I've been a mad scientist, experimenting, documenting and trying new things from the way to hold him, different head positions, different ways to support his mouth while he's sucking, different nipples, adding thickening agents to milk, different types of formula....the list goes on. Until we find a perfect combination. We're not there yet, which is why this little kiddo has his NG tube back in.

Putting the rest of his bottle through the gavauge

But we're getting closer. We've learned that formula is thicker than breast milk and he is able to control the suck/swallow/breathe pattern better with this. Who knew? So much for the thousands of hours I spent pumping for this little guy and the entire freezer full of milk.

You thought I was kidding right? The only freezer food we have is in the door.

I think this will be an ongoing quest of ours... so wish us luck. Stephen and I were talking last night and he reminded me (amidst my frustration) that with everything we've gone through with him, this is just minor bump in the road and we'll soon get it figured out. I'm so grateful for his perspective and for helping me see it. In the meantime we're enjoying this happy boy who is full of smiles!

Spoiled...

Yep..we've been officially spoiled last week around our house. We were so lucky to have Stephen's mom stay with us for an entire week. I feel sooo rejuvenated and Andrew is going through withdrawals of not being held by his Grandma Holden. She was a wonderful help around the house and with Andrew. I actually got a shower AND got to sleep in...everyday! Completely spoiled? Yes.....I would agree.

While here, she was able to get in lots of Grandma time with our little guy and he loved every minute of it! We also discovered that Andrew just LOVES to go shopping. (I'm guessing this won't always be the case as he gets a bit older!) I was finally able to complete most of the unpacking and we even were able to work on some of the decorating. (I'll have to post some pictures soon!) It was wonderful to get so much done! We sure do miss her this week. ;)

Another highlight of the week was that Stephen was even able to take me on a little date with Grandma as the babysitter. With the busyness of our lives, I think that was the first date we've had the past 6 months. Let's just say we had some yummy Panda Express (a favorite of ours) and a private showing of the Harry Potter movie. (Yeah, we caught it the very last night it was in the theaters.....and apparently we were the only people who  hadn't seen it yet.) It was great to spend some time with just the two of us!

Grandma & Grandpa Holden

Aunt Meghan getting some smiles

We also were lucky enough to have Stephen's dad and his sister Meghan and her family spend the long Labor day weekend with us. We had a houseful and we had so much fun together.  It was wonderful to be surrounded by family. I gave Stephen a few stipulations when we were looking at different job offers and deciding on moving. Top on the list was....ONE: We had to be close to some family. Well, when we took this job with AT&T we had no idea where we'd be placed. In the end, I'm so glad to be close to his family! I'm so excited to be just a few hours away from the Holden's and that we'll be able to see them more than once or twice a year while we're living here in Illinois.

Andrew is all tuckered out after church last week!

 We loved having them come visit and yes our house is open to anyone who needs a place to stay if you're ever close by. We sure loved having the company!!!

Cousin Jasmin having her turn holding Andrew when they stopped by for a visit on their way to St. Louis.

A Utah Girl

Being born and raised in Utah and living there all my life, I've realized it's been a long time since I've moved some place entirely new....It kind of reminds me of when I went away for college...although, USU and Cache Valley are still technically Utah.  I had some adventures back then getting around in a big new town (ie.getting lost on the bus, finding the grocery store, learning about the area etc). Well after being here almost a month, I've come up with a quick list of...

Things a Utah girl has learned about living in Illinois:

• Watch out for the wildlife here! We live super close to a forest preserve. I love it because it's soooo green and lush it makes us feel like we're out in the country. You wouldn't guess the O'Hare Airport is just 22 miles away.  On the other hand, there are wild coyote that roam through the local neighborhoods. We've been told to keep our eyes out. Also, I've seen little frogs just hanging out on our windows and snapping turtles in the little creek down the street. A little different wildlife than living in a desert.

• Bug Spray is a definite MUST! Let's just say I won't leave home with out it and we've stocked up....We went on a walk the other day and I had (we actually counted) 15 mosquito bites on just one arm. I will never leave home without it!

• Also keeping Change in the Car is an absolute MUST! There are toll roads everywhere. When you're relying on a GPS to get you from point A to point B don't get caught without some spare change.

• Deep Dish Chicago Style Pizza .DELICIOUS!!! I really don't need to say much more other than I don't think I could go back and have "thin" pizza (as they call it out here) It is simply divine and a pizza lovers heaven. Stephen and I found a yummy place close to the children's hospital, when we had an unexpected stay there a few weeks ago with Andrew 
• Mileage vs. time to get places are two totally different things. In Utah if some place is about 15 miles away, it usually took about 15-20 minutest to get there...give or take. Well here....not so much. I had to drive into the city for a dr.'s appointment for Andrew. It was only 40 miles away. But yeah, it took over two hours. I've decided that I really hate driving in the city, especially during rush hour.

• Instead of Mountains to help me with my direction and orientation....water towers have taken place. (Although, I miss the mountains terribly!) However, if I'm ever wondering what city I'm driving through, I just look around and the only thing tall enough over the trees are the huge water towers. Whoever thought to put the city names upon them was a genius.

• Everyone warned us about Chicago's weather...well, I haven't been here during the winter months, which I know are crazy. But I love the fact that we've had 70-80 degree weather this entire month. It's been awesome! I think I'd prefer that over the 100 degree weather in Utah.

So far we have been doing great out here in the "Land of Lincoln".  In some ways it seems very surreal that we are even here. We've been talking and planning on this big move and Stephen starting this new job for over 7 months. It was a big effort to get out here and packing up all of our things having our car shipped out here with the rest of our things. The airport and airplane ride were a fun adventure! Flying with an infant is one thing, but flying with one on oxygen is a whole other ball game. We were "those" people standing in the security line that you'd avoid...especially if you were running late. It was quite the sight. Andrew slept through the entire thing. Thank goodness for direct flights. :)

I also absolutely love that we live so close to Stephen's work. When we were looking at where to live this wasn't a huge priority on my list. I'm so glad it was on Stephen's! He has about a 15 min commute each day. It's wonderful to have him come home for lunch every once in a while and he usually goes in early so he can be home by 4:30 or so.  Couldn't ask for any more! It is so wonderful to be together as a family and here with Stephen in Illinois!

This little guy...

Is growing like a weed!

We love seeing how big he is getting. We've been so busy the last little bit with tons of doctor appointments. I think I've driven around the entire outskirts of Chicago the last 2 weeks. Good thing for a GPS to help me find my way. Andrew has loved Illinois! About a week after we got here he was able to come completely off his oxygen. We keep his monitor on him when he's asleep and he really has done wonderful. It's amazing what a few thousand feet in elevation will do.

We've really been hibernating with him the last few months and not going anywhere, or letting many people hold or even see Andrew. We are kind of being "germ-a-phobic" parents. I hope people understand if we haven't brought him places or offered to let you come see him. So I guess...consider yourself lucky if you've gotten a glimpse.
Well last Sunday we decided to give it a try and get out of the house.  Since he's no longer on oxygen, it's a lot less complicated to get in the car and go places. We feel like we have a little more freedom and so attempted to go to all 3 hours of our new ward. It was a success!!!

Stephen & Andrew after his 1st time at church

Andrew turns 5 months old this week and is starting to grow and change so fast!He weighs 8 lbs 14 oz.
He loves to lay on our chest, but not any position will do, He scoots on his tummy and wiggles his way up until he is right underneath your chin. He's getting a whole bunch of new dark hair on top. It seems that as soon as we came home from the hospital, his hair started falling out just like a newborn's would. Well it didn't take long to come back in and it's growing fast....at least on the top.

ummm yeah, just had to document this!

Andrew is a good sleeper, most of the time. :)  Thanks to the hospital he was on a good 3 hour feeding schedule when he came home. Now he's going 4-5 hours during the night. It's just amazing what another hour longer of sleep before getting up again, can do to rejuvenate you.

Over the last few weeks he's been starting to smile on his own. Which is a huge milestone for us! He doesn't do it very often. I can count on one hand the number of times he's done this. And it been kind of funny because he hasn't done it for Stephen yet. It's gotten to the point where Stephen was starting to believe that I was seeing things and not telling the truth. Jokingly he told me to just capture it on camera so I would have proof. Well.....even with proof, he's still not sure it's really "a social smile". I beg to differ. But you can be the judge...

Our MOAB Get-A-Way

We had our first vacation as a little family. We weren't sure we were going to make it or not, because Andrew was recovering from a ear infection,  But both of my brother's and their families were in town visiting for the summer and so we decided to head down to Moab for the weekend before we flew home to Illinois. It was a fast trip but we loved hanging out with everyone one last time before moving. I feel like Stephen and I really haven't had a summer....or a spring...or much of a life the past 5 months. Time is flying by and we usually are outdoors enjoying this time of year as much as we can. Well, this little vacation was so good for us. It finally felt like summer to me (now that it's the end of August.) I will definatly miss the beautiful red rock of southern Utah. Love it....brings back so many memories of my childhood and going to Lake Powell every summer. Well here's a few pictures of the gang! Thanks Camille for sending these my way. Carrying a camera along with all of Andrew's Oxygen stuff was the last thing on my mind.

Hiking in Arches Nat'l Park

Enjoying the nice evening

Entire family...wow we're getting huge!

Missing Ethan

It really has honestly been a bittersweet time to have Andrew home the last month or so. He truly is a JOY to have, but a constant reminder of his brother and how I wish we were experiencing the same things with Ethan too. Oh how both Stephen and I miss him so much. I didn't think it could, but my heart really physically aches at times.  I look at Andrew's sweet face and it brings back a flood of emotions. When they were born I didn't think they looked anything alike. But as they grew and got a little meat on their bones, they started to look more and more like each other. There are many days now that I look over at Andrew and think..."those hands look just like Ethan's did" or "You're starting to get the same chubby checks as Ethan" or "that nose....those lips....those little ears...just like Ethan's" You get the point.  Both Stephen and I have good times and not so good times. We are struggling in trying to not ask the "why" questions. But have a positive outlook on things. Reality sets in and it's hard to hear others complain about their lives/problems...the little things just aren't a big deal anymore.  I often try to read this when I'm starting to feel this way. This week, I've needed to read it a few times. It's been two months today since we said goodbye to our baby boy. Almost the same amount of time that we were blessed to spend with him.

I wanted to share a few pictures we had taken the day before he passed away. These pictures are truly priceless. I will treasure them.

Our Family of Four

 Holding My Boys

My boys together for the first time since they were born

When Stephen was in town a few weeks ago we went to the Alpine Cemetery one last time before moving to Chicago. We were able to take Andrew. It was so good to do this together. This is one huge reason why it will be hard to move, but I am grateful to know I have family here that will bringing us back.