It really has honestly been a bittersweet time to have Andrew home the last month or so. He truly is a JOY to have, but a constant reminder of his brother and how I wish we were experiencing the same things with Ethan too. Oh how both Stephen and I miss him so much. I didn't think it could, but my heart really physically aches at times. I look at Andrew's sweet face and it brings back a flood of emotions. When they were born I didn't think they looked anything alike. But as they grew and got a little meat on their bones, they started to look more and more like each other. There are many days now that I look over at Andrew and think..."those hands look just like Ethan's did" or "You're starting to get the same chubby checks as Ethan" or "that nose....those lips....those little ears...just like Ethan's" You get the point. Both Stephen and I have good times and not so good times. We are struggling in trying to not ask the "why" questions. But have a positive outlook on things. Reality sets in and it's hard to hear others complain about their lives/problems...the little things just aren't a big deal anymore. I often try to read this when I'm starting to feel this way. This week, I've needed to read it a few times. It's been two months today since we said goodbye to our baby boy. Almost the same amount of time that we were blessed to spend with him.
I wanted to share a few pictures we had taken the day before he passed away. These pictures are truly priceless. I will treasure them.
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| Our Family of Four |
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| Holding My Boys |
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| My boys together for the first time since they were born |
When Stephen was in town a few weeks ago we went to the Alpine Cemetery one last time before moving to Chicago. We were able to take Andrew. It was so good to do this together. This is one huge reason why it will be hard to move, but I am grateful to know I have family here that will bringing us back.
7 comments:
i am so sorry for your loss. i want you to know that reading this and hearing your perspective allows me to prioritize my own life again. and focus on what is MOST important. letting the little things go, and remember how precious life is. thank you for writing even about the hard things like missing that sweet baby boy. i can't imagine the pain and bittersweet feelings you are experiencing. i just appreciate your perspective and am sending you love from arizona!
Emily, this was such a sweet, tender post. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug! You have had such a happy, strong attitude every time I've seen you since the passing of Ethan. It's okay to miss him! I'm so thankful for Heavenly Father's plan, that allows us to be with our families forever. I guess forever seems really far away sometimes. I wish you lots of luck with your move. We will miss you here!
I'm so glad you can write what you're feeling. Of course there will be many up and downs. And that's okay. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. I hope there will be more ups than downs and that those words bring you lots of comfort. I also hope the move goes well! It was so nice seeing you and talking with you last weekend!
I think about you and your dear sweet family a lot and hope you're doing well. I came across this website last week after seeing a thing on byutv. Although it made me bawl and bawl (like your blog often does) it was uplifting to hear others' stories of loss and how they overcame it. It helped me deal with my own miscarriage 2 years ago. Hope it helps! www.agoodgrief.com
ps, my in-laws arrived in Chicago last week for their mission. They're serving in the south side. Watch out for an Elder and Sister Nielsen
I can't even imagine how much your heart must ache. So glad you're not keeping it bottled up inside though - I imagine you'll have lots of hard times like this throughout your life, just wishing you could see how similar and different the boys would have been growing up together. Don't ever be afraid to talk about it - that would be so much harder on your poor heart!! Such sweet, precious pictures you have of the boys together. You're amazing, Em!!
Emily,
I think of you and your small family often. I have been following your blog and the sweet stories of your family. You are a wonderful, mother, wife, and teacher. I wish you good luck and much happiness in your move to Chicago. You have been missed at school, but your current responsibility as Mother is so much more important. I will continue to follow your blog. A friend always, Kay Clark
Time will help, if only in that it won't be quite so much "up front or in your face" or so overwhelming. You'll always. Have your memories. This was posted on Facebook recently and I have seen it at funerals before. It's still a good message.
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered "come with me". With tearful eyes I watched you and saw you pass away, although I loved you dearly I knew u couldn't stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best.
Keep the faith, we send y'all hugs.
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