A Utah Girl

Being born and raised in Utah and living there all my life, I've realized it's been a long time since I've moved some place entirely new....It kind of reminds me of when I went away for college...although, USU and Cache Valley are still technically Utah.  I had some adventures back then getting around in a big new town (ie.getting lost on the bus, finding the grocery store, learning about the area etc). Well after being here almost a month, I've come up with a quick list of...

Things a Utah girl has learned about living in Illinois:

• Watch out for the wildlife here! We live super close to a forest preserve. I love it because it's soooo green and lush it makes us feel like we're out in the country. You wouldn't guess the O'Hare Airport is just 22 miles away.  On the other hand, there are wild coyote that roam through the local neighborhoods. We've been told to keep our eyes out. Also, I've seen little frogs just hanging out on our windows and snapping turtles in the little creek down the street. A little different wildlife than living in a desert.

• Bug Spray is a definite MUST! Let's just say I won't leave home with out it and we've stocked up....We went on a walk the other day and I had (we actually counted) 15 mosquito bites on just one arm. I will never leave home without it!

• Also keeping Change in the Car is an absolute MUST! There are toll roads everywhere. When you're relying on a GPS to get you from point A to point B don't get caught without some spare change.

• Deep Dish Chicago Style Pizza .DELICIOUS!!! I really don't need to say much more other than I don't think I could go back and have "thin" pizza (as they call it out here) It is simply divine and a pizza lovers heaven. Stephen and I found a yummy place close to the children's hospital, when we had an unexpected stay there a few weeks ago with Andrew 
• Mileage vs. time to get places are two totally different things. In Utah if some place is about 15 miles away, it usually took about 15-20 minutest to get there...give or take. Well here....not so much. I had to drive into the city for a dr.'s appointment for Andrew. It was only 40 miles away. But yeah, it took over two hours. I've decided that I really hate driving in the city, especially during rush hour.

• Instead of Mountains to help me with my direction and orientation....water towers have taken place. (Although, I miss the mountains terribly!) However, if I'm ever wondering what city I'm driving through, I just look around and the only thing tall enough over the trees are the huge water towers. Whoever thought to put the city names upon them was a genius.

• Everyone warned us about Chicago's weather...well, I haven't been here during the winter months, which I know are crazy. But I love the fact that we've had 70-80 degree weather this entire month. It's been awesome! I think I'd prefer that over the 100 degree weather in Utah.

So far we have been doing great out here in the "Land of Lincoln".  In some ways it seems very surreal that we are even here. We've been talking and planning on this big move and Stephen starting this new job for over 7 months. It was a big effort to get out here and packing up all of our things having our car shipped out here with the rest of our things. The airport and airplane ride were a fun adventure! Flying with an infant is one thing, but flying with one on oxygen is a whole other ball game. We were "those" people standing in the security line that you'd avoid...especially if you were running late. It was quite the sight. Andrew slept through the entire thing. Thank goodness for direct flights. :)

I also absolutely love that we live so close to Stephen's work. When we were looking at where to live this wasn't a huge priority on my list. I'm so glad it was on Stephen's! He has about a 15 min commute each day. It's wonderful to have him come home for lunch every once in a while and he usually goes in early so he can be home by 4:30 or so.  Couldn't ask for any more! It is so wonderful to be together as a family and here with Stephen in Illinois!

This little guy...

Is growing like a weed!

We love seeing how big he is getting. We've been so busy the last little bit with tons of doctor appointments. I think I've driven around the entire outskirts of Chicago the last 2 weeks. Good thing for a GPS to help me find my way. Andrew has loved Illinois! About a week after we got here he was able to come completely off his oxygen. We keep his monitor on him when he's asleep and he really has done wonderful. It's amazing what a few thousand feet in elevation will do.

We've really been hibernating with him the last few months and not going anywhere, or letting many people hold or even see Andrew. We are kind of being "germ-a-phobic" parents. I hope people understand if we haven't brought him places or offered to let you come see him. So I guess...consider yourself lucky if you've gotten a glimpse.
Well last Sunday we decided to give it a try and get out of the house.  Since he's no longer on oxygen, it's a lot less complicated to get in the car and go places. We feel like we have a little more freedom and so attempted to go to all 3 hours of our new ward. It was a success!!!

Stephen & Andrew after his 1st time at church

Andrew turns 5 months old this week and is starting to grow and change so fast!He weighs 8 lbs 14 oz.
He loves to lay on our chest, but not any position will do, He scoots on his tummy and wiggles his way up until he is right underneath your chin. He's getting a whole bunch of new dark hair on top. It seems that as soon as we came home from the hospital, his hair started falling out just like a newborn's would. Well it didn't take long to come back in and it's growing fast....at least on the top.

ummm yeah, just had to document this!

Andrew is a good sleeper, most of the time. :)  Thanks to the hospital he was on a good 3 hour feeding schedule when he came home. Now he's going 4-5 hours during the night. It's just amazing what another hour longer of sleep before getting up again, can do to rejuvenate you.

Over the last few weeks he's been starting to smile on his own. Which is a huge milestone for us! He doesn't do it very often. I can count on one hand the number of times he's done this. And it been kind of funny because he hasn't done it for Stephen yet. It's gotten to the point where Stephen was starting to believe that I was seeing things and not telling the truth. Jokingly he told me to just capture it on camera so I would have proof. Well.....even with proof, he's still not sure it's really "a social smile". I beg to differ. But you can be the judge...

Our MOAB Get-A-Way

We had our first vacation as a little family. We weren't sure we were going to make it or not, because Andrew was recovering from a ear infection,  But both of my brother's and their families were in town visiting for the summer and so we decided to head down to Moab for the weekend before we flew home to Illinois. It was a fast trip but we loved hanging out with everyone one last time before moving. I feel like Stephen and I really haven't had a summer....or a spring...or much of a life the past 5 months. Time is flying by and we usually are outdoors enjoying this time of year as much as we can. Well, this little vacation was so good for us. It finally felt like summer to me (now that it's the end of August.) I will definatly miss the beautiful red rock of southern Utah. Love it....brings back so many memories of my childhood and going to Lake Powell every summer. Well here's a few pictures of the gang! Thanks Camille for sending these my way. Carrying a camera along with all of Andrew's Oxygen stuff was the last thing on my mind.

Hiking in Arches Nat'l Park

Enjoying the nice evening

Entire family...wow we're getting huge!

Missing Ethan

It really has honestly been a bittersweet time to have Andrew home the last month or so. He truly is a JOY to have, but a constant reminder of his brother and how I wish we were experiencing the same things with Ethan too. Oh how both Stephen and I miss him so much. I didn't think it could, but my heart really physically aches at times.  I look at Andrew's sweet face and it brings back a flood of emotions. When they were born I didn't think they looked anything alike. But as they grew and got a little meat on their bones, they started to look more and more like each other. There are many days now that I look over at Andrew and think..."those hands look just like Ethan's did" or "You're starting to get the same chubby checks as Ethan" or "that nose....those lips....those little ears...just like Ethan's" You get the point.  Both Stephen and I have good times and not so good times. We are struggling in trying to not ask the "why" questions. But have a positive outlook on things. Reality sets in and it's hard to hear others complain about their lives/problems...the little things just aren't a big deal anymore.  I often try to read this when I'm starting to feel this way. This week, I've needed to read it a few times. It's been two months today since we said goodbye to our baby boy. Almost the same amount of time that we were blessed to spend with him.

I wanted to share a few pictures we had taken the day before he passed away. These pictures are truly priceless. I will treasure them.

Our Family of Four

 Holding My Boys

My boys together for the first time since they were born

When Stephen was in town a few weeks ago we went to the Alpine Cemetery one last time before moving to Chicago. We were able to take Andrew. It was so good to do this together. This is one huge reason why it will be hard to move, but I am grateful to know I have family here that will bringing us back.

Together

This last weekend was simply wonderful! Stephen surprised me a few weeks ago and bought a ticket to come and see Andrew and I here in Utah. It has been over a month since he left we are really starting to feel it. We both knew this was apart of the PLAN we had...but we've really learned the meaning to the phrase "easier said than done". I'll admit, it's been pretty tough on both ends. I loved having him around this weekend and seeing him be a dad. It was very rejuvenating for both of us. We are both very torn. He wishes he could be here helping and seeing Andrew grow and I wish I could be there to help support him as he starts his new job, unpacks everything and gets settled into our new place. Needless to say Andrew got lots of Daddy time this weekend and loved every minute of it.  Stephen now has a little bit better understanding of what life is like with a little one. :) Here's some of my favorite pics I just couldn't resist in taking.

4 Months

Our little guy is getting so big and growing so fast....which is a huge blessing! Here's a bit about him.

Weight: 7lbs 8oz

He's acting like a typical newborn and although he's four months old, we go by his 'adjusted age' (or when he should have been born) for all the developmental stuff. This little one is having some good awake times throughout the day and is happy and content.  It is so fun to see him intently look around and kick.  He loves, loves, loves to be held. He also loves to fall asleep on your shoulder...it's his favorite. He loves to be swaddled up tight and will always check to see if your still there by opening one eye. He is soooo strong. Being a preemie he's had a lot of tummy time (compared to a newborn) and can really arch his back and hold his head up. Although it's still heavy for him. He's getting better control of that big noggin' of his.

He's still on oxygen, but a very minimal amount and is doing great! I try so hard to keep that little nasal cannula in his nose, but the darn thing has a mind of it's own. It's a good thing that Andrew is hardly needing it. I went to check on him during a nap and this is what I found. It was about 3 inches from his little nose and the monitor said his "sats" were at 100. I'm not sure how long he'd wiggled them loose, but I had to grab a picture to prove to Stephen that he's doing awesome.

 Andrew sure has gotten lots of love and attention from family and friends. His cousins are fascinated by how little he is and are so excited that he's home. Here they are staying "A Distance" from him the first time they met him.

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Uncle Mike Enjoying some time with Andrew

 My cute little niece loves babies. So it's no surprise when she pretends to be mommy and imitates what I do, with her doll. Here we are feeding bottles to our babies. So fun!!! I just love her to pieces.

Becoming A Big Eater

I just have to announce that it has been a whole week since Andrew has needed his feeding tube!!! WAHOOO! Everyone at the hospital told me he would do a lot better once he was home and he had someone consistent feeding him each time.  I didn't know if I dared believed them or not, but they were exactly right!
When Andrew was released from the hospital he came home with a nasogastric (NG) tube.  This bright orange tube coming out of his nose is what Stephen and I had to practice putting in before he could be released. At the hospital, he was eating about 40%-60% orally. In just 48 hours after coming home our little Andrew shot up and started eating about 75% orally. He'd have good days and bad days, but overall was doing so much better than at the hospital. I found this NG tube to be very convenient when it came time to give him his medicine. We'd just dose it up and put it in, whether he was awake or asleep it didn't matter.

Every few days his little fingers would get a hold of it and pull it right out. It wasn't a big deal...through a few tears and a bit of crying, we'd just put it right back in. Well, he'd been doing awesome with eating everything 100% orally and so last Monday, when he pulled it out again, I decided to see if he could go without needing it. The biggest thing I wasn't sure about was giving him his medicine orally.

So far...he's done awesome. He takes his medicine really well, I was a bit surprised at this as some smell pretty nasty. Also, it sometimes takes a little while to get an entire feeding down, but it is so worth not having that extra tube coming out of his nose.  When we went to the doctor last Friday, he said that he's been gaining good weight and that he's been doing just fine with out the NG tube. We're so excited....another step in the right direction!

Home, Sweet, Home

On July 3rd, after 101 days in the hospital, our little Andrew was able to come home with us! It was a fantastic 4th of July surprise!!! We've been enjoying his little spirit the past few days and it has been simply wonderful to have him home.  In May, Stephen decided he'd buy a ticket to come and visit the for the holiday weekend, we had no idea that we'd be bringing home our sweet baby boy. We hadn't expected him to come home until middle/end of July or even August. Although, I have a feeling that the hospital was being extra kind, since Andrew was so close to coming home. They pushed and just tried to do everything so we could have him come home while Stephen was here.

It was such a surprise and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when the nurse told me last week that he'd be able to come home on Sunday.  Sunday? Really? I certainly wasn't ready for this news and kind of panicked....in a good way. A combination of these boys being our first, them coming early before I could have any showers and moving to Chicago, I pretty much had nothing for this baby to come home to. Good thing for sisters who are generous to let me barrow a bunch of things. Stephen and I also went shopping Saturday morning and grabbed some necessities like...well uh diapers, bottles and such....a must with a little one. :)  I just had to laugh at how we were shopping. We'd walk up and down the isle at the store and think...."oh yeah, we'd probably need some of this..." Other customers, must of had a good laugh or be complete confused at why we were acting this way.

On Friday, Stephen flew in and we drove straight up to the hospital, spent most of the day there meeting and talking with people.  There was a huge checklist of things we had to complete before we could take him home. We had to meet with all sorts of people on his team, developmental therapist, dietitian, car seat squad, home healthcare specialist etc.

Before we could come home, all of us had to pass certain tests...

• Andrew had to pass what they call his "car seat test". This is where they do some trial runs with him in his car seat while he's still attached to all of his monitors. They especially look to see if he can keep breathing while in the curved position a car seat puts him in. He passed this with flying colors!
• Since he was coming home with a NG feeding tube, both Stephen and I had to demonstrate competency in handling this. We had to learn how to check for placement, as well as practice putting it in. Poor Andrew...doesn't like this procedure at all. Both of us had to do it a few times before we felt comfortable with it. He was a trooper with his inexperienced mom and dad.
• The biggest of all the tests was that Stephen and I had to pass was to "Room-In" as they call it. Basically we packed our bags and had to spend 12 hours through the night in a little room they have in the unit, with just us doing everything for him. No nurses. Just mom and dad. We went from 8pm Saturday night to 8am Sunday morning and pretended that we were at home. This was our time to ask questions and work out all the bugs, with his oxygen monitors we'd have at home and all the medications we'd be giving him etc. Here's a picture I snapped early in the morning and yup....that's Stephen crashed on the couch. We basically camped out on the couch/floor while Andrew was still in his little crib. We survived the night with very little sleep. I think the nurses thought that Stephen slept the whole night, because we had to call them in every 3 hours after doing his "cares". They would take his diaper and weigh it and get all the other measurements that we'd do for them, so they could chart the info. Each time they came in Stephen was sound asleep. But what they didn't know was that he'd get up during the in-between times to keep Andrew asleep so I could get an hour or two of sleep before he had to eat again. We were pretty tired after spending our first night with our boy, but the adrenalin was certainly rushing and keeping us wide awake.

It sure has been great to have him here and for us to finally be mommy and daddy round the clock and out of the hospital. It's almost surreal to have him home after such a long stay in the hospital.

Enjoying some tummy time with daddy before he heads back to Chicago

Celebrating the 4th of July as a Family

Yesterday we headed into the doctor for his first check-up and he is doing great! He's gaining weight and looking good. He now weighs 6lbs 14 oz. We're slowly adjusting to this "new normal" and having him home. With Stephen in Chicago, I certainly couldn't do it alone.  I am so grateful for my family's help for the next month until I can be with him.

Welcome home Andrew!!! We LOVE you!

Some Major Milestones

It's been super busy the last few weeks. I've been spending 8-10 hours at the hospital everyday to work on feedings with Andrew. A lot of people ask if I get board spending so much time there...actually it goes by really fast for me. I pretty much do most everything for him, which I love. I could hold that little guy and look at him all day. I think I'm just making up for lost time since we had to wait 7 weeks to hold him in the first place. So Andrew is getting lots of mommy time and we both are loving every minute of it.

We've celebrated a lot of milestones this last week or so. Last Saturday, Andrew hit his 3 month birthday...really we've been doing the NICU thing for three months? Crazy? He now weighs 6lbs and 4 oz. and my little boy is getting so big!  My due date was last Monday. That was a hard milestone day for me....a lot of emotions. I just keep remembering the nurse say to me right after I delivered to expect these boys to be in the NICU at least until June 27th. This seemed so far away at the time.
Well, here we are.
Who knew we'd be where we are at...

We've also hit 100 days in the hospital. That blew me away when I heard them mention that in rounds with his team of doctors/nurses this morning. I had kind of lost track of the number of days.
100 days is a very long time.
I feel like my life has been put on hold for those 100 days and the numerous trips to the hospital each day just blend together. Since we spend so much time there, we've gotten to know quite a few nurses and doctors. They are amazing and we've grown to love a number of them. They truly have become  part of our family.

Stephen's started his job this week...another milestone we've been looking forward to since December and he is getting used to now going to work each day. He's just gotten into it all and the first few days have been lots of training and orientation. So nothing too hard yet. It's been a very long two weeks since he's been gone and I'm glad he's coming to visit for the 4th of July weekend. It will be so good to have him here even if it's just for a few days.

We've been able to talk to Stephen through the wonders of technology. Skype is seriously the best thing they ever invented. We take a computer to the hospital and chat every few days now that he has the internet set up at our new house and I even got a virtual tour of our place, since neither of us saw it before we signed the rental contract. It will be great! It's in a nice neighborhood and is just what we were looking for. I'm very excited.

Saying Hello to Daddy

Andrew continues to amaze us all. In fact we're working on coming home!  He passed his eye exam...which means his eyes are fully developed. Another huge milestone!!! This is the only thing we've been waiting for.  His eye doctor okay-ed him to come home on oxygen.  Wahoooo! So we'll have him on oxygen and he'll also have a feeding tube, for when he can't quite eat the entire feeding orally. They typically don't do this, but I'm at the point where I'll do pretty much anything and everything to get him home. We're very excited and surprised it's coming so soon we definitely didn't expect it quite yet. Andrew has had a few visitors who came to see him and hold him for the first time this week. We of course had to document the occasion. So here's a few pictures to enjoy!!!

I just can't get enough of those darling little hands

Grandpa Jerry was able to hold our sleepy boy!

Aunt Allison visited one afternoon and snuggled with our little guy!

Aunt Camille had a turn as well to visit little Andrew

Comings & Goings and Everything In between

Alright...I know this is a long over due post. Life is moving forward and we're trying to keep up. I know we keep saying this, but we truly appreciate all the love and support we've felt especially the last few weeks. It's been two weeks since we lost our Ethan and our hearts are still aching, but it was so wonderful to see so many friends and family, some who traveled long distances to be with us, at the funeral. We are humbled by the support we've felt. I don't think we can adequately express how much this meant to us. So I'll simply say...Thank You!
 At times it is very difficult to go back into the same hospital where we've gone everyday the past 3 months and realize that Ethan is no longer there. The past few weeks, Stephen and I have also had to learn how to share. We both want to do everything for Andrew. We're used to doing their cares at the same time and each taking one of the boys.  It's funny to realize that now we're having to learn to take turns.
Many people have asked us... "How are you doing?" Well, this questions has been undoubtedly difficult to truthfully answer ever since the boys were born. Most days, I'm doing great. I really am. I have gained a greater testimony of how the spirit is a comforter to us, especially during such difficult trials. This is really what has sustained me the past two weeks. We've had some really sweet and sacred moments, where little things seem to reassure me that Ethan is near and we are loved. I have needed those and am very grateful for them. As much as I hurt and long for Ethan,  I would say that my love for Andrew has grown even sweeter. I'll be honest though, I do have my moments and I do break down. But I am grateful for the times in between.

Just a quick update on our little Andrew.  He has really made some amazing improvements and I just know his brother is by his side helping him.  His surgery for the shunt went really well and so far everything is looking great. It's releasing the pressure and doing what it needs to. Yea!!! This is everything we could have hoped for and you can tell that he's feeling so much better. With that said, Stephen and I are both a bit nervous and continue to pray that there are no more infections.

Here's Andrew right after his surgery...He's not quite sure about everything

 So now really the only thing that Andrew is working on, is his feedings. He's been able to take from a bottle now for about 2 weeks.  At first he took one bottle every 12 hours, but a few days ago they decided to have him try a bottle every 3 hours, if he's awake and alert. So he's been getting to try oral feedings from a bottle about 5-6 times a day. He's definitely a preemie and it really takes everything out of him to coordinate the sucking, swallowing and breathing. He averages on taking about half his feeds from a bottle and when he's done...he shuts down closes his eyes and crashes. I was trying to post a video of Stephen feeding him a bottle, but I'm just not that computer savvy...especially with Stephen gone. I'll keep trying and If I can figure it out, I'll post it later.

With all that eating, Andrew's really starting to gain some weight and is now at 5lb 9oz. He's also starting to show us he can smile. They are the "asleep, gas bubbles in the tummy" smiles...but I tend to think that he's dreaming of Ethan, which brings a smile to his face and to mine. :)  He had a lot of visitors who came to see him while they were here in Utah for Ethan's funeral. We loved sharing him with his Uncles and Grandparents!

Grandma Holden Getting a Turn To Give Luvs

Uncle Matt got a chance to hold him too!

If we haven't had enough craziness in our lives...this week we packed up a big moving truck with all of our things and Stephen has spent the last 2 days driving it across the country to our new home in Illinois. I certainly am not ready to have him leave....but I don't think I'd ever be at that point.  He starts his new job in a week and will hopefully be able to do some unpacking and get settled a bit before all of that begins. I wish I could be there with him. Hopefully we can be together as a family soon.But until then...

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

From a very sleepy boy!!!

Quick Update on Andrew

We've had a busy week. Which I guess is a good thing, 'cause it keeps our minds off last weekend. We've received an amazing outpouring of love and support, and I want to thank everyone for their kind letters and comments. They help bring a little light during a dark time.

So Andrew had surgery yesterday to place a shunt. Everything went very well, and we are not expecting any complications. They will take some x-rays today to make sure everything is placed where they want it, and we are hopeful that Andrew will start to feel more comfortable in the next few days. I admit, that I am optimistic that this will resolve his hydrocephalus, that it won't get infected, and that he will be off oxygen soon, no more desats and bradys, and will be home in a month. Possible, yes, but unrealistically optimistic. But a dad's gotta dream, right? :)

The shunt has a little reservoir on the top of his head, which flows to a valve behind his left ear. The valve is a pressure release, so when the CSF reaches a certain pressure, the valve opens, and the CSF drains through a tube down to his abdominal cavity where his stomach, liver, kidneys and intestines -- I didn't realize there was extra space down there. Then the CSF is absorbed naturally into his body.

So, as long as this shunt works, we'll just be waiting on him to start breathing without supplemental oxygen, stabilizing his vitals, eating from a bottle (he has demonstrated an ability to suck, swallow, and breathe, and pace himself, which is AWESOME -- there is a very strong possibility that he won't need a g-tube!), and finishing up his eye development. It is awesome to be working on the things which will allow him to go home -- to us.

Ethan's Obituary: http://andersonmortuary.com/node/552

An Angel in Heaven

Our sweet Ethan Gerald Holden was called home into the arms of our loving Savior on June 4th, 2011. Our little warrior fought a valiant battle for his life since the day he was born.

Our little son has had a huge impact on many people in his short 10 weeks of life. Ethan was born to proud parents, Stephen and Emily on March 25^th, 2011, at 2lb 1oz in American Fork.  He came into our lives and received his body to fulfill his short mission here on earth. The giant spirit that filled his little body has taught us much about patience, faith and charity.  He brought many smiles as he showed us that he is the boss. He loved to kick, wiggle and play havoc with his nurses, whom he certainly kept on their toes! His big eyes melted the hearts of his parents—he knew their voices and turned to them for comfort.

Ethan is survived by his father and mother, Stephen and Emily Holden and his twin brother Andrew of Pleasant Grove, UT; grandparents, Gerald & Carolyn Dent, Fruit Heights, UT and Bruce & Kathy Holden, Midland, MI, as well as many aunts, uncles and cousins who love him dearly.

Our most sincere thanks to the doctors, nurses and staff at Primary Children’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for providing the very best care, and for loving our little boy as much as we did.

Funeral services will be held to honor Ethan’s life on Saturday, June 11^th at 1:00pm at the Pleasant Grove West Stake Center, 56 S. 1300 W. in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Ethan will be laid to rest following his funeral next to his uncle baby Jarron, in the Alpine City Cemetery.

We are so proud of our son. Ethan has taught us more than we would have been able to teach him. Our hearts are aching for the day when we can be together as a family again. He was a blessing in our lives and we miss him so much already. We love you little one.

Our Angel Ethan

Ethan Gerald Holden

Born: 3/25/2011, 8:23 am, 2 lb 1 oz
Passed: 6/4/2011, 3:30 am, 4 lb 15 oz

He has already taught us so much, and will continue to teach us for a very long time. Nothing acute or immediate happened, and he didn't have any additional set backs, but he just got more and more sleepy over the past week and a half. Emily and I both were able to hold him on Thursday night and he was still breathing on his own and doing pretty well. Friday morning he let us know that he was ready to go home. Primary Children's was incredibly sensitive to our situation, and gave us a large private room to have Ethan stay in so many of his cousins and family could come say hello and also goodbye. We had a wonderful visit with our Utah family, and then Emily and I had a long time in private to hold him and cuddle him. He was very comfortable, and did not have any trauma or pain during his passing, and he gave us plenty of time to help us through his transition. We had many tender mercies during such an excruciatingly painful time.

We want anyone and everyone to participate in a brief memorial service with us on Saturday June 11 in Pleasant Grove. It will probably be 1:00p or 2:00p, either in an LDS Chapel, or the mortuary. Any of you who have been reading and following our story with Andrew and Ethan are most welcome to join us, and I hope to see you. We'd like to share with you a couple of the special experiences we've shared with Ethan. He is a wonderful son.

I will post the time and location on this blog when we know specifics. We thank you for your love.

Birthday Celebrations

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!
Love, Andrew

We celebrated a few birthday's this week!!!  First of all, it was Stephen's birthday last Sunday. He was excited to turn a ripe old age of 31. Boy we're getting old. Don't ask me why...but he was very excited to be "well into his thirties."  We were able to celebrate all weekend and hang out with family. I made some yummy raspberry cheesecake, which is a favorite of Stephen's. Both Andrew and Ethan like being held by their daddy and I think that was the best birthday present anybody could have given him. :)

Andrew and Ethan are continuing to slowly improve and move in the right direction, for which we are incredibly grateful for. We celebrated their 2 month birthday this week as well! We are so amazed at the journey the last few months have taken us. As for now, both boys are still dealing with the hydrocephalus, but neither of them have any type of shunt or reservoir in their little heads.  They are able to manage everything on their own and have been for over a week, since they took everything out. The neurosurgeons are continuing to check on the boys every few days to make sure that everything is looking okay. And....so far so good. :) 

Although, we have had a few scares this week.  They thought Ethan was getting sicker and worse on Thursday,  but nothing has really come of it. They can't really figure out if he's getting sicker or if it's just his hydrocephalus getting worse.  Clinically there really isn't anything more that they'd do, but they are watching him with a close eye. I would say he hasn't made big improvements like Andrew has this week, but he definitely hasn't gotten any worse. Which is a great blessing. 

They are both gaining some good weight. This week on their 2 month birthday, Andrew weighed 4 lbs 4oz and Ethan weighed 4 lbs and 3oz.  It's a tight race!!! They are starting to get a little fat on their bones. The chubby cheeks are starting to form and they now have a small little bum. I think they are looking more and more like each other now that they are getting some fat on their bones. Ethan still seems to have a bit lighter brown hair and Andrew's is still pretty dark. Everyone asks us who they look like. We both think it's hard to tell, but a bunch of the nurses say that they can see a lot of Stephen in both of the boys.  Andrew is now getting all of his nutrition from my milk and is receiving 30 ml every three hours.  Ethan on the other hand still hasn't started feeds yet. They may try to start feeding again after the holiday weekend. We were concerned about Andrew eyes, because they weren't developing correctly, but after his eye exam this week they are doing great and almost fully developed. YEA!!! 

I've had to start back to work this week, which has been a hard transition for me. But it's good to be back,  be with my darling kids and wrap things up for the end of the school year. It's only for a few weeks and I'm only going part time. I would have to say that it's a lot easier for me to be at school (emotionally, physically and mentally), when the boys are having some good days.  As much as I want to, I haven't been able to make it to the hospital everyday because I'm working. But Stephen has been able to go up there. We've both been able hold them a number of times this week again and we are cherishing these small moments. Here are a few more pictures from this week!

Mommy & Andrew doing skin to skin

Ethan 2 months old

Ethan in Daddy's arms

Andrew trying to decide if he's mad :)