Comings & Goings and Everything In between

Alright...I know this is a long over due post. Life is moving forward and we're trying to keep up. I know we keep saying this, but we truly appreciate all the love and support we've felt especially the last few weeks. It's been two weeks since we lost our Ethan and our hearts are still aching, but it was so wonderful to see so many friends and family, some who traveled long distances to be with us, at the funeral. We are humbled by the support we've felt. I don't think we can adequately express how much this meant to us. So I'll simply say...Thank You!
 At times it is very difficult to go back into the same hospital where we've gone everyday the past 3 months and realize that Ethan is no longer there. The past few weeks, Stephen and I have also had to learn how to share. We both want to do everything for Andrew. We're used to doing their cares at the same time and each taking one of the boys.  It's funny to realize that now we're having to learn to take turns.
Many people have asked us... "How are you doing?" Well, this questions has been undoubtedly difficult to truthfully answer ever since the boys were born. Most days, I'm doing great. I really am. I have gained a greater testimony of how the spirit is a comforter to us, especially during such difficult trials. This is really what has sustained me the past two weeks. We've had some really sweet and sacred moments, where little things seem to reassure me that Ethan is near and we are loved. I have needed those and am very grateful for them. As much as I hurt and long for Ethan,  I would say that my love for Andrew has grown even sweeter. I'll be honest though, I do have my moments and I do break down. But I am grateful for the times in between.

Just a quick update on our little Andrew.  He has really made some amazing improvements and I just know his brother is by his side helping him.  His surgery for the shunt went really well and so far everything is looking great. It's releasing the pressure and doing what it needs to. Yea!!! This is everything we could have hoped for and you can tell that he's feeling so much better. With that said, Stephen and I are both a bit nervous and continue to pray that there are no more infections.

Here's Andrew right after his surgery...He's not quite sure about everything

 So now really the only thing that Andrew is working on, is his feedings. He's been able to take from a bottle now for about 2 weeks.  At first he took one bottle every 12 hours, but a few days ago they decided to have him try a bottle every 3 hours, if he's awake and alert. So he's been getting to try oral feedings from a bottle about 5-6 times a day. He's definitely a preemie and it really takes everything out of him to coordinate the sucking, swallowing and breathing. He averages on taking about half his feeds from a bottle and when he's done...he shuts down closes his eyes and crashes. I was trying to post a video of Stephen feeding him a bottle, but I'm just not that computer savvy...especially with Stephen gone. I'll keep trying and If I can figure it out, I'll post it later.

With all that eating, Andrew's really starting to gain some weight and is now at 5lb 9oz. He's also starting to show us he can smile. They are the "asleep, gas bubbles in the tummy" smiles...but I tend to think that he's dreaming of Ethan, which brings a smile to his face and to mine. :)  He had a lot of visitors who came to see him while they were here in Utah for Ethan's funeral. We loved sharing him with his Uncles and Grandparents!

Grandma Holden Getting a Turn To Give Luvs

Uncle Matt got a chance to hold him too!

If we haven't had enough craziness in our lives...this week we packed up a big moving truck with all of our things and Stephen has spent the last 2 days driving it across the country to our new home in Illinois. I certainly am not ready to have him leave....but I don't think I'd ever be at that point.  He starts his new job in a week and will hopefully be able to do some unpacking and get settled a bit before all of that begins. I wish I could be there with him. Hopefully we can be together as a family soon.But until then...

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

From a very sleepy boy!!!