Stephen & Emily Holden

10 MONTHS

2012-02-01T22:26:00.000-06:00

Weight: 16lbs 8oz

Length: 26 1/2 inches

Dear Andrew...
You melt my heart with your smile. You are such an easy going baby as we rush off to therapy twice a week and don't get in good naps those days. You're always willing to work hard at therapy and you always seem to light up the room with that smile.

You've started loving your tummy and play all the time there these days. Reaching for toys and turning to find them. You continue to get stronger and stronger and amaze us all. We are so proud of you!
You are a good little sleeper. But it's funny how you get yourself to sleep these days. For a little boy who was on oxygen for a month and a half after coming home from the hospital and then on the monitors for another three months after that, you sure like to keep your face covered.

A new favorite game you LOVE to play is peek-a-boo and you are the tickleish little baby I've ever known. You sometimes get in silly moods. Which is hilarious. Your dad and I love to hear you laugh.

You continue to be a rock star at eating solids foods. Bottles were such a struggle and sometimes still are hard for you. You definitely prefer eating from a spoon these days. You'll gobble up anything and everything, although I would say that peas are not your favorite, as I seem to come away wearing them each time you try them. I'm so glad to see that finally there is something in the area of eating that you can be successful at. We're now just working on taking different textures and introducing the sippy cup to you. I couldn't believe my eyes when your feeding therapist suggested that. What a big boy you are!

We love you so much Andrew!

Monday of all Mondays

2012-01-25T21:16:00.000-06:00

It was just one of those days.
Really no excuses.
My Monday's are usually busy, but this Monday...we had a few extra things on the calendar.
Our morning started out as most mornings do around our house. Andrew (a.k.a. our alarm clock) was up at his usual 6:00 am, took a bottle and we went about his morning routines. Then down for his morning nap around 8am, so he can catch an hour or so of sleep before we head out the door to his therapy appointment. I got him all packed up and in the car. We were actually on time and ready to go. I start the car and realize that the combination of recent snow storms, salty roads, bad windshield wipers and no wiper fluid was a bad combo to drive the 30 minutes each way to and from the appointment. So as a quick fix, I decide to hop out and grab an old rag and windex. Surely this will help and we can make it safely to our destination. As I go to get back in the car, my heart drops....really? I didn't...oh my goodness...I did.

The car is running and all the doors are LOCKED! There was Andrew happy as can be and thank goodness oblivious to the whole situation. We of course only had one other set of keys to the car and they were with Stephen at work. I quickly rushed to the phone to see if he could rescue us. Thankfully he wasn't in a meeting and could get away. How grateful I am his work is only 15 minutes away from our house. Those were some long, helpless 15 minutes. All I could do was pace around the car helplessly and play a little peek-a-boo to keep Andrew happy.
Frazzled that I had just locked my baby in the car and now no longer on time. I kissed Stephen goodbye and headed out. As soon as I got on the interstate, I looked down and saw that the gas needle was pointing directly at empty. Uuuggghhh! I didn't have time for this! Knowing that Andrew's therapy was about 20 miles away, I knew I could make it there, but would need to fill up before heading home.

After therapy we found a gas station close by. I grab the diaper bag and search for my wallet. It was nowhere to be found and I realize it's sitting at home upstairs on our desk. Once again I called Stephen. "How far can I go when the gas light is on empty?". His reply..."oh Emily". I could just see the look on his face by the tone in his voice. I had no choice. I surely didn't want to run out of gas along the freeway. I also was hoping I wouldn't have to call Stephen again needing another rescue, because he had meetings scheduled for all afternoon. With a little prayer in my heart I started out for home and luckily we made it home safe and sound.

To top it all off, that evening we were having some friends over for dinner and a little FHE. Rushing to get dinner ready with a baby who's whining and really needing to be entertained. I sliced my finger open pretty badly cutting up some chicken. Ouch! Then, as we were waiting for everybody to come, one of our called friends us with car trouble and was stranded about a mile away from our home. Poor thing she was so frazzled and didn't know what to do. I felt terrible and had to get her car towed. Once again Stephen to the rescue!

I was soooo glad to get to bed that night. What a day! Lessons learned... 1. Never take a full tank of gas for granted. There is a feeling of safety and security by having a car full of gas. Never let it get down to empty!!!
2. Always turn your car off and take the keys with you when you get out. Just incase it has automatic locks. It will save you more time in the end.

Five Years

2012-01-19T22:03:00.000-06:00

Five Years
I say it out loud and really can't believe it.
Stephen and I just celebrated our 5th Anniversary last week. We were lucky enough to have some wonderful friends watch Andrew for an evening, so we could get out and celebrate a bit. It was so nice to have an evening just to ourselves and we realized that we need to do that more often. Yet, we had to laugh that even though we were by ourselves, it was hard not to have every conversation revolve around Andrew.

We certainly have been through so much together these last five years and I wouldn't have wanted anybody else by my side. Here's to many more happy years!

January 13th, 2007

May 2008

July 2009

February 2010

June 2011

Starting the Year off Right

2012-01-08T21:22:00.000-06:00

What a week it's been....Can I just say that again? What an incredibly emotional, busy, not-enough-time in the day, exciting turn of events, want to hold and kiss my baby kind of week it's been!
Let me back up just a bit. I love this time of year...reflecting on the old and looking forward to the new a fresh start and outlook on life. Last year was quite the year in our family. One we will continue to learn from the rest of our lives, as we look back and reflect upon the things that happened in our family. The year 2011 will always be ingrained in my heart. But I will honestly say, after the holidays I was ready for the new year and positive that great things will come in 2012.

This week started out...just like any other. It was nice to have Stephen home for the new years holiday on Monday and we worked like mad to get all of Christmas decorations down and packed away and the house cleaned. I was looking forward to a long-awaited trip to see my family and hopping on an airplane later this week to go and visit. We squeezed in Andrew's therapy appointments, knowing that we'd be gone and missing a few times. Then Wednesday morning came. Andrew woke up after sleeping through the entire night. (Something I'd been waiting for, for a very long time). After his morning feeding, he was throwing up and very drowsy. What wonderful timing, I was hoping to finish up the laundry and pack the suitcases. But my little boy was sick...or so I thought.
All of the signs and symptoms of having the flu are the same signs and symptoms of a shunt malfunction. So after throwing up again and having no fever, I got on the phone called the dr. This little boy would only sleep if he was in my arms and then even when he was awake he was not himself. We rushed right into the dr.'s office and after her exam she called his neurosurgeon. She immediately sent us to the hospital. So Stephen got off work and met me and we drove downtown Chicago to the children's hospital. They got us right in and did all sorts of CT scans and X-ray's. After an hour in the emergency room his neurosurgeon (who just happened to be the doctor on call--thank goodness) came to talk to us. She had looked at all of his images and knew that surgery was an emergency. Within minutes he had an IV and we were being wheeled up to the OR and met with the Anesthesiologist. Most shunts typically last 2-3 years, Andrews however decided 7 months was good enough. We knew we'd be making out insurance deductible every year for the next few years, but January 4th? Really? We went three whole days? Stephen and I just have to laugh. How GRATEFUL we are for insurances.

Waiting in the Emergency Room with a sick little boy

Wheeling us up to the operating room

Waiting in the empty parent room that night at 11:00pm, those where the longest two hours. But as I sat there, I reflected on the last few days or weeks and wondered how long this shunt had not worked. All that pressure in his head made sense. He has been more whiny than usual and the previous day during OT his therapist pointed out how he wasn't really using his left side as much and turning his hand the wrong way to grab things. Stephen noticed the same after work. All the little pieces to the puzzle seemed to come together. How grateful I was that I didn't hesitate a bit in taking him into the doctor and that she sent us to the hospital to get everything checked out. Also, I am so grateful that his neurosurgeon was the doctor on call. She knows his background and has been a key support in getting all of his doctors and therapist set up out here in Chicago. Had we gotten on a plane and flown to Utah, who knows what would haven happened. Yes, I am sad that we had to cancel our trip to Utah and am very anxious to get out there soon.

Andrew right after surgery...a little drugged up on Morphine

Andrew is doing incredibly well. Back to his happy little self. What an amazing difference it made. They sent us home the next day less then 24 hours after the surgery. Stephen and I are playing nurse trying to keep his stitches covered, clean and little hands away until his incisions are healed.


Stephen has more of a stomach then I do and is willing to help take the bandages off for the first time. THANKS Daddy!

Hopefully 2012 can be less eventful in our family. So what a way to ring in the new year. huh? Life is full of lots of unknown surprises! Happy New Year!

Our Holiday Happenings

2012-01-08T19:47:00.000-06:00

We had a great Christmas holiday! Can't believe how fast it came and went. It was full of lots of late nights, delicious food, surprises, games games and more games, treats galore, lots of laughter, anticipation of gift giving and most of all lots and lots of wonderful family time.

Stephen's sister and her husband deserve a medal of honor for hosting Christmas this year. They had quite the houseful and were wonderful hosts. We had Stephen's entire family, except Jeremy & Ashley and their two kiddos whom we missed. But that being said...that's a total of 10 adults and 4 grandkids....plus Stephen's Aunt Janet, Aunt PJ and Uncle Chuck who flew in from Texas and spent a few days.....oh and then his Uncle Don & Aunt Deana and cousin Valerie drove up from Ohio and spent some time with everyone. Needless to say we had a houseful, but it was SO much fun to be together as family. And yup that's my favorite part about Christmas. Being with Family.

Hopefully I won't bore you with too many details. But here's a few of the highlights.

Opening our Stockings early before church. Santa brought Andrew lots of baby food, yet he is clearly more interested in the wrapping paper. Much more exciting of course!

I simply love it when Christmas lands on a Sunday. It truly helps me focus on the true meaning of Christmas and reflect on my Saviors life. (It also helps that we only had one hour of church too!) After opening our stockings and then rushing to get out the door for church, we left all the gifts under the tree to be opened after.

Andrew looking pretty tired after church before we dived into all of the presents

Enjoying opening our presents while Andrew was taking his nap.

Stephen was pretty excited about his radio control airplane kit. He now just has to build it and is excited to have a fun project to keep him busy.

Andrew opening his gifts after his long nap!

Cousin Austin showing Andrew how to play with his new toy from Santa

Uncle Don with Andrew and I

Andrew got to meet lots of Stephen's Aunts and Uncles for the first time and me as well. It was great to hang out and get to know them. Wish we lived closer and could see them more often.

Stephen's sister Meghan is super crafty. She taught us how to make these really neat ornaments with glitter. I had someone tell me about this idea to make a memento of Andrew's first Christmas and wanted to try it. She was so sweet to help me. We embossed Andrew's hand print on the outside of the ornament. I loved how it turned out.

Stephen and His mom watching the boys while Ice Skating

Grandpa and Erin helping Benny learn to ice skate.

Austin Helping the Andrew to be Happy

I think these two are going to be great friends. Cute little Austin was such a good helper around baby Andrew. I loved seeing them interact.


Singing around the piano

James decided to surprise us and drive 20 plus hours from Utah to be able to spend Christmas with the family. He was 'supposed' to work on Christmas Eve and after Christmas. Well he found a new job and his schedule suddenly 'cleared up'. We all couldn't believe our eyes when he walked through the door late on Christmas Eve. What a fun Christmas surprise!

Grandma Holden getting some Andrew hugs before they head back to Michigan

Christmas is Coming!!!

2011-12-23T19:44:00.000-06:00

We've been super excited with Christmas just around the corner! It's been so fun to get ready with a baby this year. Here's just a few of the holiday festivities we've enjoyed this month at the Holden home.

Christmas Lights. The lights on the Christmas tree have caught Andrew's eye. He loves looking at them! It will be sad to take this entertainment down in a week or so.

Earlier this month we met up with my cousin Andrea and her darling little family when they were visiting Chicago from Iowa. We met downtown at the Lincoln Park Zoo and walked around the zoo lights! I was amazed at the how decked out the zoo was. Lights were everywhere, some synchronized to music and all surrounded by animals. Andrew's eyes got so big when he heard the loud lion's roar. We even got to watch them carve an ice sculpture. This week, Stephen and I also found some lights close by in a park that we were able to walk through! Simply said....I LOVE Christmas lights!

Santa. We had a fun time at our ward Christmas party. Where we ate a yummy breakfast, sang Christmas carols, and enjoyed some great company. Andrew even got to meet Santa and sit on his lap for the very first time!

I love how he's intently looking at Santa...wondering who the crazy man in the big read suit is? Unlike the other kids, Andrew wasn't afraid of Mrs. or Mrs. Claus. We might not be so lucky next year!

Christmas Candy. This year I decided to make some yummy candy. Growing up my mom always made homemade candy around Christmas time. A tradition I'd love to start around our house. It was a lot of fun dipping chocolates and wrapping caramels and sharing the goodies with friends and neighbors.

Presents. Andrew is starting to reach for toys while on his tummy and back. You might occasionally find him trying so hard he's rolled over a time or two. He's found that Christmas presents are also fun to reach for and play with!

Tomorrow morning we'll be packing up the car and spending the week with Stephen's family. Everyone is heading to his sister's house just a few hours away from us. We can't wait to join them and have been counting down the days!
Merry Christmas!!!

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

2011-12-22T20:11:00.000-06:00

Well...even just one tooth would be nice. At this point I'll take ANYTHING!!! Andrew sure hasn't been the happy baby he once was and I'm blaming it all on teething...(hoping its just a phase and my happy boy will soon return) Naps are sometimes non-existent, everything is in the mouth, drooling all over the place and I can't seem to set him down for a minute or two and he's in tears. A little white tooth poking through his swollen gums is secretly on my wish list for Christmas this year. We'll see if we get a tooth by the holiday or not. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

A Sad Little Boy

On another note we've had more doctor's visits this week....surprise, surprise. :) His speech/feeding therapist did another observation and looked at how he was doing with his oral motor abilities and gag reflexes. Everything looked normal so before I knew it, she slipped out of her office and was back with a little bowl of rice cereal and a spoon for him to try. Before she started, she explained the sometimes long process of transitioning to solids and helping kids who struggle with feeding. She emphasized, that we should just expect the first month or so of feeding solids as play time and not to expect him to eat anything. Just expose him to a spoon in the mouth and trying things to strengthen his tongue muscle. After a few tries, Andrew was opening his mouth so wide and it seemed as if he couldn't get enough. The therapist couldn't believe how he "just got it" and was doing everything he was supposed to. After seeing that, she gave me a few handouts and dove right in to explaining the next few months of feeding solids and how to best help him. YEA!!! We were so excited we pulled his high chair out, set it up and couldn't wait to try it at home!


What a BIG boy in his high chair

Daddy is doing a great job!

That's a smile underneath that messy face :)

A whole new phase awaits us. I guess those baby spoons and bowls wrapped and under the Christmas tree need to be opened pretty quick! 'Cause we're gonna need them sooner than we thought!

Exciting News

2011-12-09T11:02:00.001-06:00

I just have to quickly share some exciting news!!!

In February, my parents...

Will be spending the next 18 months half way across the world...

Serving as Missionaries for our church. They have been called to serve in the Alpine, German Speaking Mission. Which covers areas of Southern Germany, most of Switzerland, Austria, and the little country of Liechtenstein.

They will be primarily working with the young single adults in that area. We are so thrilled for them! They have been looking forward to serving a mission for a very long time. What is even more exciting is that when my dad was 19 he spent 2 1/2 years serving and teaching the people of Austria. He'll have to brush up on his German and my mom will have to learn the basics. It will be such a neat opportunity for him to go back with my mom and serve together.

Our entire family has been anxiously waiting to know where they would serve. We got a call on Wednesday night and were able to skype with all of my siblings as they opened their call. All of the grandkids are very excited for them. What examples they are to me.

Favorite Pictures

2011-12-09T10:30:00.000-06:00

I finally uploaded the camera with some darling pictures of our little tiger. Andrew continues to grow like a weed. Yesterday at the doctor, he finally made it on to the regular growth charts for kids who are the same age. (and that's saying a lot) Since we have some type of dr. appointment almost weekly. He's now weighing in at 15lbs 6 oz.

Here's a few of my new favorite pictures...thought you might enjoy.

Andrew sporting his cougar attire. I must admit I was out numbered for the BYU vs USU B-Ball game back in November, but in the end I will say I taught Andrew the Aggie fight song after their win.

I was doing a little tummy time after changing his diaper and caught him really studying this picture of Ethan we have on his dresser.

LOVE it!

Andrew just loves bath time. He loves to kick and slash and his favorite toy in the tub, is of course the washcloth, which goes straight for the mouth.

Stephen and I have both decided that we really don't need much this year for Christmas. We've been given the greatest news about our little boy. But let me rewind a bit so you can understand where we are coming from. Back in May, we met with a neurologist about both of our boys and their prognosis with all the neurological issues they both were facing. In Andrew's case he was in the middle of fighting all the nasty infections, on top of his meningitis, hydrocephalus, still on the ventilator... let's just say our conversation was pretty grim. With him being virtually a lifeless little 3 lb baby in an incubator, the neurologist painted our future with our son saying that "best case scenario...he might recognize you as his parents, and possibly might be able to get himself around in a wheelchair someday. That is if he can breath and eat on his own, but with Andrew's history and MRI's. Who knows?" These words have really echoed in our hearts the last 7 months. Always hoping for the best, not ever knowing what the future would hold for our family and for our little boy. We've known that he's exceeded all these expectations being able to breathe and eat on his own, as well as smile. These everyday things for most babies, were huge in our eyes. Well, last week the neurologist here in Chicago was very surprised at the progress Andrew has been making and all the milestone he's reached given his medical history. He is right on for his adjusted age (5 mo) with visual tracking and fine motor. He told us that there is no reason he shouldn't keep progressing and possibly even walk some day. As for when....that's a tougher question to answer....who knows it could take a very long time and it will take a lot of work and therapy. But he has filled us with so much hope. Truly an answer to many many prayers and the many priesthood blessings. I cried the entire way home from the doctor. We have so much to be thankful for.

Finally Finished

2011-11-27T18:58:00.000-06:00

I never got to put together a nursery before the boys were born. So since we've been here in Chicago, I've slowly been putting together and decorating Andrew's room. A little here and a little there. I really enjoy doing stuff like this. Not the best at it, but I do enjoy it. Now it's finished and I'm glad to have it finally done! Just thought I'd share a few pictures.

I fell in love with this cute elephant theme. After I put it up in his room, I love it even more! Since we're just renting this place, we couldn't do much with paint. So I decided to sew my own curtain since his room gets the evening sun. (Whenever it's not hiding behind the clouds, which is about...oh...90% of the time these days.) The curtains were way easy and fun to make. I think they turned out great and are far better than anything I could have bought.

These two teddy bears have a special place in our hearts. They were given to our boys in the hospital by their cousins, when we knew that we'd be saying good bye to Ethan. After that, Andrew has slept with the bears watching over him each night in his crib.

After Ethan passed, we were given some beautiful pictures of Christ with children. I love having this one in Andrew's room along with the"Child of God" sign. We look at it often with it being above his changing pad and sing "I am a child of God." It's his favorite...and mine too!

I love the way this turned out. We received this saying just after Ethan passed. I wasn't quite sure how to display it. After lots of brainstorming, I decided to put it with the first picture or ultrasound we had of our boys together and the last picture of them together. After we took Ethan off the ventilator, he was able to breath on his own for a good 3-4 hours. It wasn't until just after we walked him down the hall to Andrew's bedside and laid him next to his brother in the crib, that he was ready to say goodbye and take his last breath. I will certainly treasure this picture which captured the last moments they had together on this earth. I'm also very thankful for the darling nurses who just took our camera and snapped away.

Chicago Express

2011-11-27T18:21:00.000-06:00

We live about 5 minutes from the big Sears Center Arena. We drive by all the time and sometimes have to get re-routed, because of the event traffic. Because we live right in the same city as the Sears Center, we get special deals and discounts. This facility holds a number of different events and this time of year it's HOCKEY season in Chicagoland. So we decided to take advantage and get some good deals on some hockey tickets.

I'm surprised at how big of a sport this is out here. It was a lot of fun and we had awesome seats on the 4th row to cheer on the Chicago Express. Some people might call us crazy that we'd take a little 7 month old baby to the game, but we had a great night out as a whole family. Andrew did amazingly wonderful, considering it was in the evening and during his bed time. He enjoyed watching the players and didn't even cry or get scared when they scored a goal and all the big sirens went off. We sure had a lot of fun!

Andrew's First Laugh

2011-11-07T11:27:00.000-06:00

So we just have to share this...

As we were waiting in the lobby for our car to be worked on this weekend, we got some cute little laughs out of our big boy. Stephen quickly pulled his phone out and was able to catch just a little bit before he got tired. We've decided we have one ticklish boy! Enjoy.

Our Halloween

2011-11-07T11:17:00.000-06:00

It was so fun to celebrate Halloween this year....even though I know that Andrew had absolutely no idea what was happening nor will he remember a single thing that we did. But none the less, we celebrated lots and I definitely got into the Halloween spirit. In the past, I'd blame the "little kid" in me on being around my school kids each and every day and their excitement would rub off on me. But this year, I didn't have that excuse. I guess I'm just a kid at heart. Thank goodness Stephen is such a good sport and puts up with me and my big ideas.

We had lots of fun coming up with our costumes and had a few different Halloween parties that we dressed up for.

Here is our puppy Toto

I just have to laugh at this picture. His face says it all...."Why in the world are you dressing me up in this??? Oh PLEASE mom, no more pictures!!!"

Along with Dorthy and the Tin Man.

Although we didn't go trick-or-treating on Halloween night, we had our traditional yummy white chicken chili and breadsticks and carved pumpkins.
Then we decided to kicked back, relax and watch a few scary movies as we waited for trick-or-treaters to come knocking. In the meantime, I got scared out of my wits and we ate way too much candy. After the first movie, I was a bit...well...I'll admit...scared to go to bed. So, I told Stephen we needed to watch something else to get my mind off of it. So out of the kindness of his heart, Stephen put on and watched Twilight with me. Not that I'm a huge Twilight fan. In fact, I think we laughed more at the cheesy-ness than anything else. But it certainly got my mind off the first movie. Before we new it, it was way too late and we hadn't gotten a single trick-or-treater.
The next day we definitely had a Halloween hang-over. Guess it was bound to happen. We had a wonderful weekend full of the all the Halloween festivities.

A Welcomed Visit

2011-10-23T22:47:00.000-05:00

We were so excited to have more visitors this month! We had a wonderful visit with my parents, who came to visit for an entire week. They were able to get in a lot of Andrew time and he was able to show off how grown-up he is with all of his smiles and coos. This was a first for my parents to see him off of oxygen. (since we lived with them before moving out here.) We had a great week and had fun showing them the area. My dad loves to stay busy and so we put him to work fixing a few things around the house...especially our wobbly dishwasher. Thanks SO much dad! They even let Stephen and I have a little date night to the temple. It's hard to leave Andrew with a babysitter, being a little medically needed with the feeding tube, so we really appreciate at them letting us get away for the night. The last day they were here, we headed into the city. This was a first for Stephen and I since we've been here. It was a beautiful fall day and we decided to spend the afternoon at Navy Pier. It was fun to see the skyline along the lake and all the boats in the pier. We even took a little boat ride ourselves Andrew was quite the little trooper and just went with the flow. He's such a good and easy going little baby.

Andrew, Stephen and my dad looking out at Lake Michigan

My mom and I with the Chicago skyline

Going for a boat ride in the "Windy City" of Chicago

A Columbus Day Tradition

2011-10-22T21:32:00.003-05:00

So for some reason, Columbus Day hasn't really been much of anything. Just another day, like all of the beautiful fall days in October. (I guess it's because, in Utah we don't get school or work off or anything.) Well, here in Chicagoland (yes that's what they call it out here.... Chicagoland...I tend to chuckle each time I hear that term. It reminds me of things like Candyland or Disneyland....but this is beside the point) Anyways, the 2nd Monday in October was much more of a "Holiday" then I would have guessed. All of the kids had a day off of school, some businesses were closed and there was a big parade downtown in the city. I also learned that, the second Monday in October, is the day that Canada celebrates Thanksgiving. We were invited by some friends here, who is from Canada, to join their family for their big feast and celebration.

The best part of the Columbus day for me was to be apart of a long family tradition in the Holden Family. Every year growing up, Stephen and his family would go with his grandparents up to a place called Rifle River. Ever since we were married, I heard about these traditions. Well this year, since we live much closer...we made the drive to Michigan for the weekend and made the trip with them. It was so beautiful. I loved all the bright colors we saw along the way. I've never seen such brilliant oranges on so many maple trees. Simply breath taking. We did the traditional picnic and saw the traditional sight of the swinging bridge and look out tower. It was a quick weekend with lots of driving. But it was great to be able to get away and see some beautiful sights with the Holden family. We had gorgeous and unusually warm weather...you couldn't ask for more!

A beautiful view of the trees from the lookout tower.

Benny's messy face from the Picnic.

The gang...takin' a break.

A Traditional picture of all the Holden Siblings

A family Picture

All the adults climbing the old tree

Time is flying by

2011-10-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

Has it really been six months since this little miracle was born into our family? Where has the time gone? We certainly are keeping busy out here. I credit most of it to our dear sweet Andrew. Not just your average...busy with a new baby in our household. I feel like we've had a zillion of doctor visits since we moved here and looking back over the calendar...we really have! An average week for me is 1-2 doctor appointments. Although, we did have a week of NO appointments, which was a lovely break. Yet, I'm sure that we were just making up for the week of 5...yes FIVE doctor appointments all in the same week. They aren't all that bad. We have had some great news at these appointments.

Andrew finally passed his hearing screening, with our visit with the audiologist earlier last month. In the hospital, he passed the typical screening that all babies have, but being a preemie they did an Auditory Brainstem Response or ABR test which is much more in depth. The fluid in his left ear is finally gone and he passed with flying colors. We're so thankful that he can hear in both ears.
Also, we had to go to a few ophthalmologists to find one who sees patients with active ROP or (Retinopathy Of Prematurity) Andrew had a very mild case, but this potentially can lead to blindness. Last week, the dr. told us that everything has fully developed, it's not active any more and all is normal. Another huge relief. We just have to continue with eye appointments now every six months. They are key in finding out if his shunt is continuing to work. I know that seems weird, but the pressure from the spinal fluid not draining, will put pressure on the retina. So the long 3 hour eye appointment of getting eyes dilated and waiting will now only happen every 6 months.
Nephrologist.....yeah, I had to look that one up when they told me I needed to follow-up with a nephrologist aka (kidney doctor) Because the the vast amounts of medications Andrew was on in the NICU, it was terribly hard on his kidney's. And yes...this little kiddo has kidney stones. All the doctor seem to say that "it's no big deal for babies" and "they should take care of themselves". Well, thankfully this doctor says we just need to continue to monitor his kidney growth and such. In the meantime, we've been to the hospital labs to have ultrasounds, urine cultures and a urine analysis done. Yeah....that was a fun visit.
NICU follow-up Team. This is a great program they have here in Illinois. We're able to go to a clinic and have a neonatalologist and a team of specialist follow Andrew. It was nice to go to one appointment and see about 4 different specialist. They'll seen him again at 9 months, 1-year and 2 years old. By then a typical preemie should be caught up.
Speech therapy. Yes this is were my focus this last month has mostly been. If you've read the previous post...you'll know why.
Early Intervention. They are a team of therapists that work with Andrew. Although he qualifies, he doesn't quite need any services yet. Thank goodness they come to our home. Which is a nice change and we don't have to go anywhere for this one.
Oh yes...besides all of these specialist we've seen this month...we've also had his typical pediatrician well-check visits. For his 6 month appointment this week, Andrew weighs 12lbs 2oz and is 24 inches long. He is in the 25th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for height. Although, he's on a different scale they use for preemie boys and his adjusted age of 3 months. (He's way off the charts for a typical 6 month old)

As busy as he keeps us, we wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. How could you with a smile like that? He's worth everything and then more.

Suck, Swallow, Breathe

2011-09-28T10:05:00.000-05:00

For most babies eating is a piece of cake, for some preemies including Andrew....the task can be very difficult. This past month or so I have come to realize that it takes a lot of energy and effort to coordinate how to suck, swallow and breathe while taking a bottle. Andrew has really been struggling with eating lately. Especially the last 2 or 3 weeks. It has really gone down hill and gotten worse. For a while he'd only have a bad feeding every once in a while. But lately it's most every time he eats. It's so hard when it takes an hour to get one bottle of 2.5 oz down. After talking with his doctor, he told us to just try for 30 min and let him eat what he can. Although it's not as time consuming, after 30 minutes of trying we had a unhappy little guy (who I knew was still hungry) but would simply shut down because it was too hard to eat. It's draining... especially when that's pretty much my life with him. Eat & Sleep. This was a downward spiral of then not sleeping very good and then eating even worse after that.

We decided we needed some help and went to a speech therapist a few weeks ago. Yes. A speech therapist. At this age work with the suck/swallow/breath coordination and the shape of his mouth/tongue formation and the strength of his suck. Who knew that eating could be so complicated? Well I didn't think much of it either, until I had a little one who struggles with it.

The speech therapist was a great help. It was comforting to know that it wasn't just me. She explained that up until 3 months old (adjusted age) everything is automatic or a basic reflex when it comes to eating. Well, at 3 months of age it becomes more of a conscious choice of something a baby must coordinate on their own. This is why we've seen the regression. After her assessment, she gave us some hope, taught us a bunch of things and sent us on our way with a number of things to try, watch for and consider.

I feel like I've been a mad scientist, experimenting, documenting and trying new things from the way to hold him, different head positions, different ways to support his mouth while he's sucking, different nipples, adding thickening agents to milk, different types of formula....the list goes on. Until we find a perfect combination. We're not there yet, which is why this little kiddo has his NG tube back in.

Putting the rest of his bottle through the gavauge

But we're getting closer. We've learned that formula is thicker than breast milk and he is able to control the suck/swallow/breathe pattern better with this. Who knew? So much for the thousands of hours I spent pumping for this little guy and the entire freezer full of milk.

You thought I was kidding right? The only freezer food we have is in the door.

I think this will be an ongoing quest of ours... so wish us luck. Stephen and I were talking last night and he reminded me (amidst my frustration) that with everything we've gone through with him, this is just minor bump in the road and we'll soon get it figured out. I'm so grateful for his perspective and for helping me see it. In the meantime we're enjoying this happy boy who is full of smiles!

Spoiled...

2011-09-16T10:33:00.000-05:00

Yep..we've been officially spoiled last week around our house. We were so lucky to have Stephen's mom stay with us for an entire week. I feel sooo rejuvenated and Andrew is going through withdrawals of not being held by his Grandma Holden. She was a wonderful help around the house and with Andrew. I actually got a shower AND got to sleep in...everyday! Completely spoiled? Yes.....I would agree.

While here, she was able to get in lots of Grandma time with our little guy and he loved every minute of it! We also discovered that Andrew just LOVES to go shopping. (I'm guessing this won't always be the case as he gets a bit older!) I was finally able to complete most of the unpacking and we even were able to work on some of the decorating. (I'll have to post some pictures soon!) It was wonderful to get so much done! We sure do miss her this week. ;)

Another highlight of the week was that Stephen was even able to take me on a little date with Grandma as the babysitter. With the busyness of our lives, I think that was the first date we've had the past 6 months. Let's just say we had some yummy Panda Express (a favorite of ours) and a private showing of the Harry Potter movie. (Yeah, we caught it the very last night it was in the theaters.....and apparently we were the only people who hadn't seen it yet.) It was great to spend some time with just the two of us!

Grandma & Grandpa Holden

Aunt Meghan getting some smiles

We also were lucky enough to have Stephen's dad and his sister Meghan and her family spend the long Labor day weekend with us. We had a houseful and we had so much fun together. It was wonderful to be surrounded by family. I gave Stephen a few stipulations when we were looking at different job offers and deciding on moving. Top on the list was....ONE: We had to be close to some family. Well, when we took this job with AT&T we had no idea where we'd be placed. In the end, I'm so glad to be close to his family! I'm so excited to be just a few hours away from the Holden's and that we'll be able to see them more than once or twice a year while we're living here in Illinois.

Andrew is all tuckered out after church last week!

We loved having them come visit and yes our house is open to anyone who needs a place to stay if you're ever close by. We sure loved having the company!!!

Cousin Jasmin having her turn holding Andrew when they stopped by for a visit on their way to St. Louis.

A Utah Girl

2011-08-31T12:51:00.001-05:00

Being born and raised in Utah and living there all my life, I've realized it's been a long time since I've moved some place entirely new....It kind of reminds me of when I went away for college...although, USU and Cache Valley are still technically Utah. I had some adventures back then getting around in a big new town (ie.getting lost on the bus, finding the grocery store, learning about the area etc). Well after being here almost a month, I've come up with a quick list of...

Things a Utah girl has learned about living in Illinois:

Watch out for the wildlife here! We live super close to a forest preserve. I love it because it's soooo green and lush it makes us feel like we're out in the country. You wouldn't guess the O'Hare Airport is just 22 miles away. On the other hand, there are wild coyote that roam through the local neighborhoods. We've been told to keep our eyes out. Also, I've seen little frogs just hanging out on our windows and snapping turtles in the little creek down the street. A little different wildlife than living in a desert.

Bug Spray is a definite MUST! Let's just say I won't leave home with out it and we've stocked up....We went on a walk the other day and I had (we actually counted) 15 mosquito bites on just one arm. I will never leave home without it!

Also keeping Change in the Car is an absolute MUST! There are toll roads everywhere. When you're relying on a GPS to get you from point A to point B don't get caught without some spare change.

Deep Dish Chicago Style Pizza .DELICIOUS!!! I really don't need to say much more other than I don't think I could go back and have "thin" pizza (as they call it out here) It is simply divine and a pizza lovers heaven. Stephen and I found a yummy place close to the children's hospital, when we had an unexpected stay there a few weeks ago with Andrew
Mileage vs. time to get places are two totally different things. In Utah if some place is about 15 miles away, it usually took about 15-20 minutest to get there...give or take. Well here....not so much. I had to drive into the city for a dr.'s appointment for Andrew. It was only 40 miles away. But yeah, it took over two hours. I've decided that I really hate driving in the city, especially during rush hour.

Instead of Mountains to help me with my direction and orientation....water towers have taken place. (Although, I miss the mountains terribly!) However, if I'm ever wondering what city I'm driving through, I just look around and the only thing tall enough over the trees are the huge water towers. Whoever thought to put the city names upon them was a genius.

Everyone warned us about Chicago's weather...well, I haven't been here during the winter months, which I know are crazy. But I love the fact that we've had 70-80 degree weather this entire month. It's been awesome! I think I'd prefer that over the 100 degree weather in Utah.

So far we have been doing great out here in the "Land of Lincoln". In some ways it seems very surreal that we are even here. We've been talking and planning on this big move and Stephen starting this new job for over 7 months. It was a big effort to get out here and packing up all of our things having our car shipped out here with the rest of our things. The airport and airplane ride were a fun adventure! Flying with an infant is one thing, but flying with one on oxygen is a whole other ball game. We were "those" people standing in the security line that you'd avoid...especially if you were running late. It was quite the sight. Andrew slept through the entire thing. Thank goodness for direct flights. :)

I also absolutely love that we live so close to Stephen's work. When we were looking at where to live this wasn't a huge priority on my list. I'm so glad it was on Stephen's! He has about a 15 min commute each day. It's wonderful to have him come home for lunch every once in a while and he usually goes in early so he can be home by 4:30 or so. Couldn't ask for any more! It is so wonderful to be together as a family and here with Stephen in Illinois!

This little guy...

2011-08-22T10:37:00.002-05:00

Is growing like a weed!

We love seeing how big he is getting. We've been so busy the last little bit with tons of doctor appointments. I think I've driven around the entire outskirts of Chicago the last 2 weeks. Good thing for a GPS to help me find my way. Andrew has loved Illinois! About a week after we got here he was able to come completely off his oxygen. We keep his monitor on him when he's asleep and he really has done wonderful. It's amazing what a few thousand feet in elevation will do.

We've really been hibernating with him the last few months and not going anywhere, or letting many people hold or even see Andrew. We are kind of being "germ-a-phobic" parents. I hope people understand if we haven't brought him places or offered to let you come see him. So I guess...consider yourself lucky if you've gotten a glimpse.
Well last Sunday we decided to give it a try and get out of the house. Since he's no longer on oxygen, it's a lot less complicated to get in the car and go places. We feel like we have a little more freedom and so attempted to go to all 3 hours of our new ward. It was a success!!!

Stephen & Andrew after his 1st time at church

Andrew turns 5 months old this week and is starting to grow and change so fast!He weighs 8 lbs 14 oz.
He loves to lay on our chest, but not any position will do, He scoots on his tummy and wiggles his way up until he is right underneath your chin. He's getting a whole bunch of new dark hair on top. It seems that as soon as we came home from the hospital, his hair started falling out just like a newborn's would. Well it didn't take long to come back in and it's growing fast....at least on the top.

ummm yeah, just had to document this!

Andrew is a good sleeper, most of the time. :) Thanks to the hospital he was on a good 3 hour feeding schedule when he came home. Now he's going 4-5 hours during the night. It's just amazing what another hour longer of sleep before getting up again, can do to rejuvenate you.

Over the last few weeks he's been starting to smile on his own. Which is a huge milestone for us! He doesn't do it very often. I can count on one hand the number of times he's done this. And it been kind of funny because he hasn't done it for Stephen yet. It's gotten to the point where Stephen was starting to believe that I was seeing things and not telling the truth. Jokingly he told me to just capture it on camera so I would have proof. Well.....even with proof, he's still not sure it's really "a social smile". I beg to differ. But you can be the judge...

Our MOAB Get-A-Way

2011-08-22T10:11:00.001-05:00

We had our first vacation as a little family. We weren't sure we were going to make it or not, because Andrew was recovering from a ear infection, But both of my brother's and their families were in town visiting for the summer and so we decided to head down to Moab for the weekend before we flew home to Illinois. It was a fast trip but we loved hanging out with everyone one last time before moving. I feel like Stephen and I really haven't had a summer....or a spring...or much of a life the past 5 months. Time is flying by and we usually are outdoors enjoying this time of year as much as we can. Well, this little vacation was so good for us. It finally felt like summer to me (now that it's the end of August.) I will definatly miss the beautiful red rock of southern Utah. Love it....brings back so many memories of my childhood and going to Lake Powell every summer. Well here's a few pictures of the gang! Thanks Camille for sending these my way. Carrying a camera along with all of Andrew's Oxygen stuff was the last thing on my mind.

Hiking in Arches Nat'l Park

Enjoying the nice evening

Entire family...wow we're getting huge!

Missing Ethan

2011-08-04T11:52:00.001-05:00

It really has honestly been a bittersweet time to have Andrew home the last month or so. He truly is a JOY to have, but a constant reminder of his brother and how I wish we were experiencing the same things with Ethan too. Oh how both Stephen and I miss him so much. I didn't think it could, but my heart really physically aches at times. I look at Andrew's sweet face and it brings back a flood of emotions. When they were born I didn't think they looked anything alike. But as they grew and got a little meat on their bones, they started to look more and more like each other. There are many days now that I look over at Andrew and think..."those hands look just like Ethan's did" or "You're starting to get the same chubby checks as Ethan" or "that nose....those lips....those little ears...just like Ethan's" You get the point. Both Stephen and I have good times and not so good times. We are struggling in trying to not ask the "why" questions. But have a positive outlook on things. Reality sets in and it's hard to hear others complain about their lives/problems...the little things just aren't a big deal anymore. I often try to read this when I'm starting to feel this way. This week, I've needed to read it a few times. It's been two months today since we said goodbye to our baby boy. Almost the same amount of time that we were blessed to spend with him.

I wanted to share a few pictures we had taken the day before he passed away. These pictures are truly priceless. I will treasure them.

Our Family of Four

Holding My Boys

My boys together for the first time since they were born

When Stephen was in town a few weeks ago we went to the Alpine Cemetery one last time before moving to Chicago. We were able to take Andrew. It was so good to do this together. This is one huge reason why it will be hard to move, but I am grateful to know I have family here that will bringing us back.

Together

2011-07-29T13:55:00.000-05:00

This last weekend was simply wonderful! Stephen surprised me a few weeks ago and bought a ticket to come and see Andrew and I here in Utah. It has been over a month since he left we are really starting to feel it. We both knew this was apart of the PLAN we had...but we've really learned the meaning to the phrase "easier said than done". I'll admit, it's been pretty tough on both ends. I loved having him around this weekend and seeing him be a dad. It was very rejuvenating for both of us. We are both very torn. He wishes he could be here helping and seeing Andrew grow and I wish I could be there to help support him as he starts his new job, unpacks everything and gets settled into our new place. Needless to say Andrew got lots of Daddy time this weekend and loved every minute of it. Stephen now has a little bit better understanding of what life is like with a little one. :) Here's some of my favorite pics I just couldn't resist in taking.

4 Months

2011-07-29T13:18:00.002-05:00

Our little guy is getting so big and growing so fast....which is a huge blessing! Here's a bit about him.

Weight: 7lbs 8oz

He's acting like a typical newborn and although he's four months old, we go by his 'adjusted age' (or when he should have been born) for all the developmental stuff. This little one is having some good awake times throughout the day and is happy and content. It is so fun to see him intently look around and kick. He loves, loves, loves to be held. He also loves to fall asleep on your shoulder...it's his favorite. He loves to be swaddled up tight and will always check to see if your still there by opening one eye. He is soooo strong. Being a preemie he's had a lot of tummy time (compared to a newborn) and can really arch his back and hold his head up. Although it's still heavy for him. He's getting better control of that big noggin' of his.

He's still on oxygen, but a very minimal amount and is doing great! I try so hard to keep that little nasal cannula in his nose, but the darn thing has a mind of it's own. It's a good thing that Andrew is hardly needing it. I went to check on him during a nap and this is what I found. It was about 3 inches from his little nose and the monitor said his "sats" were at 100. I'm not sure how long he'd wiggled them loose, but I had to grab a picture to prove to Stephen that he's doing awesome.

Andrew sure has gotten lots of love and attention from family and friends. His cousins are fascinated by how little he is and are so excited that he's home. Here they are staying "A Distance" from him the first time they met him.

Uncle Mike Enjoying some time with Andrew

My cute little niece loves babies. So it's no surprise when she pretends to be mommy and imitates what I do, with her doll. Here we are feeding bottles to our babies. So fun!!! I just love her to pieces.

Becoming A Big Eater

2011-07-25T10:51:00.000-05:00

I just have to announce that it has been a whole week since Andrew has needed his feeding tube!!! WAHOOO! Everyone at the hospital told me he would do a lot better once he was home and he had someone consistent feeding him each time. I didn't know if I dared believed them or not, but they were exactly right!
When Andrew was released from the hospital he came home with a nasogastric (NG) tube. This bright orange tube coming out of his nose is what Stephen and I had to practice putting in before he could be released. At the hospital, he was eating about 40%-60% orally. In just 48 hours after coming home our little Andrew shot up and started eating about 75% orally. He'd have good days and bad days, but overall was doing so much better than at the hospital. I found this NG tube to be very convenient when it came time to give him his medicine. We'd just dose it up and put it in, whether he was awake or asleep it didn't matter.

Every few days his little fingers would get a hold of it and pull it right out. It wasn't a big deal...through a few tears and a bit of crying, we'd just put it right back in. Well, he'd been doing awesome with eating everything 100% orally and so last Monday, when he pulled it out again, I decided to see if he could go without needing it. The biggest thing I wasn't sure about was giving him his medicine orally.

So far...he's done awesome. He takes his medicine really well, I was a bit surprised at this as some smell pretty nasty. Also, it sometimes takes a little while to get an entire feeding down, but it is so worth not having that extra tube coming out of his nose. When we went to the doctor last Friday, he said that he's been gaining good weight and that he's been doing just fine with out the NG tube. We're so excited....another step in the right direction!

Home, Sweet, Home

2011-07-07T23:26:00.002-05:00

On July 3rd, after 101 days in the hospital, our little Andrew was able to come home with us! It was a fantastic 4th of July surprise!!! We've been enjoying his little spirit the past few days and it has been simply wonderful to have him home. In May, Stephen decided he'd buy a ticket to come and visit the for the holiday weekend, we had no idea that we'd be bringing home our sweet baby boy. We hadn't expected him to come home until middle/end of July or even August. Although, I have a feeling that the hospital was being extra kind, since Andrew was so close to coming home. They pushed and just tried to do everything so we could have him come home while Stephen was here.

It was such a surprise and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when the nurse told me last week that he'd be able to come home on Sunday. Sunday? Really? I certainly wasn't ready for this news and kind of panicked....in a good way. A combination of these boys being our first, them coming early before I could have any showers and moving to Chicago, I pretty much had nothing for this baby to come home to. Good thing for sisters who are generous to let me barrow a bunch of things. Stephen and I also went shopping Saturday morning and grabbed some necessities like...well uh diapers, bottles and such....a must with a little one. :) I just had to laugh at how we were shopping. We'd walk up and down the isle at the store and think...."oh yeah, we'd probably need some of this..." Other customers, must of had a good laugh or be complete confused at why we were acting this way.

On Friday, Stephen flew in and we drove straight up to the hospital, spent most of the day there meeting and talking with people. There was a huge checklist of things we had to complete before we could take him home. We had to meet with all sorts of people on his team, developmental therapist, dietitian, car seat squad, home healthcare specialist etc.

Before we could come home, all of us had to pass certain tests...

Andrew had to pass what they call his "car seat test". This is where they do some trial runs with him in his car seat while he's still attached to all of his monitors. They especially look to see if he can keep breathing while in the curved position a car seat puts him in. He passed this with flying colors!
Since he was coming home with a NG feeding tube, both Stephen and I had to demonstrate competency in handling this. We had to learn how to check for placement, as well as practice putting it in. Poor Andrew...doesn't like this procedure at all. Both of us had to do it a few times before we felt comfortable with it. He was a trooper with his inexperienced mom and dad.
The biggest of all the tests was that Stephen and I had to pass was to "Room-In" as they call it. Basically we packed our bags and had to spend 12 hours through the night in a little room they have in the unit, with just us doing everything for him. No nurses. Just mom and dad. We went from 8pm Saturday night to 8am Sunday morning and pretended that we were at home. This was our time to ask questions and work out all the bugs, with his oxygen monitors we'd have at home and all the medications we'd be giving him etc. Here's a picture I snapped early in the morning and yup....that's Stephen crashed on the couch. We basically camped out on the couch/floor while Andrew was still in his little crib. We survived the night with very little sleep. I think the nurses thought that Stephen slept the whole night, because we had to call them in every 3 hours after doing his "cares". They would take his diaper and weigh it and get all the other measurements that we'd do for them, so they could chart the info. Each time they came in Stephen was sound asleep. But what they didn't know was that he'd get up during the in-between times to keep Andrew asleep so I could get an hour or two of sleep before he had to eat again. We were pretty tired after spending our first night with our boy, but the adrenalin was certainly rushing and keeping us wide awake.

It sure has been great to have him here and for us to finally be mommy and daddy round the clock and out of the hospital. It's almost surreal to have him home after such a long stay in the hospital.

Enjoying some tummy time with daddy before he heads back to Chicago

Celebrating the 4th of July as a Family

Yesterday we headed into the doctor for his first check-up and he is doing great! He's gaining weight and looking good. He now weighs 6lbs 14 oz. We're slowly adjusting to this "new normal" and having him home. With Stephen in Chicago, I certainly couldn't do it alone. I am so grateful for my family's help for the next month until I can be with him.

Welcome home Andrew!!! We LOVE you!

Some Major Milestones

2011-07-01T00:39:00.001-05:00

It's been super busy the last few weeks. I've been spending 8-10 hours at the hospital everyday to work on feedings with Andrew. A lot of people ask if I get board spending so much time there...actually it goes by really fast for me. I pretty much do most everything for him, which I love. I could hold that little guy and look at him all day. I think I'm just making up for lost time since we had to wait 7 weeks to hold him in the first place. So Andrew is getting lots of mommy time and we both are loving every minute of it.

We've celebrated a lot of milestones this last week or so. Last Saturday, Andrew hit his 3 month birthday...really we've been doing the NICU thing for three months? Crazy? He now weighs 6lbs and 4 oz. and my little boy is getting so big! My due date was last Monday. That was a hard milestone day for me....a lot of emotions. I just keep remembering the nurse say to me right after I delivered to expect these boys to be in the NICU at least until June 27th. This seemed so far away at the time.
Well, here we are.
Who knew we'd be where we are at...

We've also hit 100 days in the hospital. That blew me away when I heard them mention that in rounds with his team of doctors/nurses this morning. I had kind of lost track of the number of days.
100 days is a very long time.
I feel like my life has been put on hold for those 100 days and the numerous trips to the hospital each day just blend together. Since we spend so much time there, we've gotten to know quite a few nurses and doctors. They are amazing and we've grown to love a number of them. They truly have become part of our family.

Stephen's started his job this week...another milestone we've been looking forward to since December and he is getting used to now going to work each day. He's just gotten into it all and the first few days have been lots of training and orientation. So nothing too hard yet. It's been a very long two weeks since he's been gone and I'm glad he's coming to visit for the 4th of July weekend. It will be so good to have him here even if it's just for a few days.

We've been able to talk to Stephen through the wonders of technology. Skype is seriously the best thing they ever invented. We take a computer to the hospital and chat every few days now that he has the internet set up at our new house and I even got a virtual tour of our place, since neither of us saw it before we signed the rental contract. It will be great! It's in a nice neighborhood and is just what we were looking for. I'm very excited.

Saying Hello to Daddy

Andrew continues to amaze us all. In fact we're working on coming home! He passed his eye exam...which means his eyes are fully developed. Another huge milestone!!! This is the only thing we've been waiting for. His eye doctor okay-ed him to come home on oxygen. Wahoooo! So we'll have him on oxygen and he'll also have a feeding tube, for when he can't quite eat the entire feeding orally. They typically don't do this, but I'm at the point where I'll do pretty much anything and everything to get him home. We're very excited and surprised it's coming so soon we definitely didn't expect it quite yet. Andrew has had a few visitors who came to see him and hold him for the first time this week. We of course had to document the occasion. So here's a few pictures to enjoy!!!

I just can't get enough of those darling little hands

Grandpa Jerry was able to hold our sleepy boy!


Aunt Allison visited one afternoon and snuggled with our little guy!

Aunt Camille had a turn as well to visit little Andrew

Comings & Goings and Everything In between

2011-06-19T20:13:00.000-05:00

Alright...I know this is a long over due post. Life is moving forward and we're trying to keep up. I know we keep saying this, but we truly appreciate all the love and support we've felt especially the last few weeks. It's been two weeks since we lost our Ethan and our hearts are still aching, but it was so wonderful to see so many friends and family, some who traveled long distances to be with us, at the funeral. We are humbled by the support we've felt. I don't think we can adequately express how much this meant to us. So I'll simply say...Thank You!
At times it is very difficult to go back into the same hospital where we've gone everyday the past 3 months and realize that Ethan is no longer there. The past few weeks, Stephen and I have also had to learn how to share. We both want to do everything for Andrew. We're used to doing their cares at the same time and each taking one of the boys. It's funny to realize that now we're having to learn to take turns.
Many people have asked us... "How are you doing?" Well, this questions has been undoubtedly difficult to truthfully answer ever since the boys were born. Most days, I'm doing great. I really am. I have gained a greater testimony of how the spirit is a comforter to us, especially during such difficult trials. This is really what has sustained me the past two weeks. We've had some really sweet and sacred moments, where little things seem to reassure me that Ethan is near and we are loved. I have needed those and am very grateful for them. As much as I hurt and long for Ethan, I would say that my love for Andrew has grown even sweeter. I'll be honest though, I do have my moments and I do break down. But I am grateful for the times in between.

Just a quick update on our little Andrew. He has really made some amazing improvements and I just know his brother is by his side helping him. His surgery for the shunt went really well and so far everything is looking great. It's releasing the pressure and doing what it needs to. Yea!!! This is everything we could have hoped for and you can tell that he's feeling so much better. With that said, Stephen and I are both a bit nervous and continue to pray that there are no more infections.

Here's Andrew right after his surgery...He's not quite sure about everything

So now really the only thing that Andrew is working on, is his feedings. He's been able to take from a bottle now for about 2 weeks. At first he took one bottle every 12 hours, but a few days ago they decided to have him try a bottle every 3 hours, if he's awake and alert. So he's been getting to try oral feedings from a bottle about 5-6 times a day. He's definitely a preemie and it really takes everything out of him to coordinate the sucking, swallowing and breathing. He averages on taking about half his feeds from a bottle and when he's done...he shuts down closes his eyes and crashes. I was trying to post a video of Stephen feeding him a bottle, but I'm just not that computer savvy...especially with Stephen gone. I'll keep trying and If I can figure it out, I'll post it later.

With all that eating, Andrew's really starting to gain some weight and is now at 5lb 9oz. He's also starting to show us he can smile. They are the "asleep, gas bubbles in the tummy" smiles...but I tend to think that he's dreaming of Ethan, which brings a smile to his face and to mine. :) He had a lot of visitors who came to see him while they were here in Utah for Ethan's funeral. We loved sharing him with his Uncles and Grandparents!


Grandma Holden Getting a Turn To Give Luvs

Uncle Matt got a chance to hold him too!

If we haven't had enough craziness in our lives...this week we packed up a big moving truck with all of our things and Stephen has spent the last 2 days driving it across the country to our new home in Illinois. I certainly am not ready to have him leave....but I don't think I'd ever be at that point. He starts his new job in a week and will hopefully be able to do some unpacking and get settled a bit before all of that begins. I wish I could be there with him. Hopefully we can be together as a family soon.But until then...

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

From a very sleepy boy!!!

Quick Update on Andrew

2011-06-10T11:50:00.002-05:00

We've had a busy week. Which I guess is a good thing, 'cause it keeps our minds off last weekend. We've received an amazing outpouring of love and support, and I want to thank everyone for their kind letters and comments. They help bring a little light during a dark time.

So Andrew had surgery yesterday to place a shunt. Everything went very well, and we are not expecting any complications. They will take some x-rays today to make sure everything is placed where they want it, and we are hopeful that Andrew will start to feel more comfortable in the next few days. I admit, that I am optimistic that this will resolve his hydrocephalus, that it won't get infected, and that he will be off oxygen soon, no more desats and bradys, and will be home in a month. Possible, yes, but unrealistically optimistic. But a dad's gotta dream, right? :)

The shunt has a little reservoir on the top of his head, which flows to a valve behind his left ear. The valve is a pressure release, so when the CSF reaches a certain pressure, the valve opens, and the CSF drains through a tube down to his abdominal cavity where his stomach, liver, kidneys and intestines -- I didn't realize there was extra space down there. Then the CSF is absorbed naturally into his body.

So, as long as this shunt works, we'll just be waiting on him to start breathing without supplemental oxygen, stabilizing his vitals, eating from a bottle (he has demonstrated an ability to suck, swallow, and breathe, and pace himself, which is AWESOME -- there is a very strong possibility that he won't need a g-tube!), and finishing up his eye development. It is awesome to be working on the things which will allow him to go home -- to us.

Ethan's Obituary: http://andersonmortuary.com/node/552

An Angel in Heaven

2011-06-07T17:29:00.000-05:00

Our sweet Ethan Gerald Holden was called home into the arms of our loving Savior on June 4th, 2011. Our little warrior fought a valiant battle for his life since the day he was born.

Our little son has had a huge impact on many people in his short 10 weeks of life. Ethan was born to proud parents, Stephen and Emily on March 25^th, 2011, at 2lb 1oz in American Fork. He came into our lives and received his body to fulfill his short mission here on earth. The giant spirit that filled his little body has taught us much about patience, faith and charity. He brought many smiles as he showed us that he is the boss. He loved to kick, wiggle and play havoc with his nurses, whom he certainly kept on their toes! His big eyes melted the hearts of his parents—he knew their voices and turned to them for comfort.

Ethan is survived by his father and mother, Stephen and Emily Holden and his twin brother Andrew of Pleasant Grove, UT; grandparents, Gerald & Carolyn Dent, Fruit Heights, UT and Bruce & Kathy Holden, Midland, MI, as well as many aunts, uncles and cousins who love him dearly.

Our most sincere thanks to the doctors, nurses and staff at Primary Children’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for providing the very best care, and for loving our little boy as much as we did.

Funeral services will be held to honor Ethan’s life on Saturday, June 11^th at 1:00pm at the Pleasant Grove West Stake Center, 56 S. 1300 W. in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Ethan will be laid to rest following his funeral next to his uncle baby Jarron, in the Alpine City Cemetery.

We are so proud of our son. Ethan has taught us more than we would have been able to teach him. Our hearts are aching for the day when we can be together as a family again. He was a blessing in our lives and we miss him so much already. We love you little one.

Our Angel Ethan

2011-06-04T22:42:00.002-05:00

Ethan Gerald Holden

Born: 3/25/2011, 8:23 am, 2 lb 1 oz
Passed: 6/4/2011, 3:30 am, 4 lb 15 oz

He has already taught us so much, and will continue to teach us for a very long time. Nothing acute or immediate happened, and he didn't have any additional set backs, but he just got more and more sleepy over the past week and a half. Emily and I both were able to hold him on Thursday night and he was still breathing on his own and doing pretty well. Friday morning he let us know that he was ready to go home. Primary Children's was incredibly sensitive to our situation, and gave us a large private room to have Ethan stay in so many of his cousins and family could come say hello and also goodbye. We had a wonderful visit with our Utah family, and then Emily and I had a long time in private to hold him and cuddle him. He was very comfortable, and did not have any trauma or pain during his passing, and he gave us plenty of time to help us through his transition. We had many tender mercies during such an excruciatingly painful time.

We want anyone and everyone to participate in a brief memorial service with us on Saturday June 11 in Pleasant Grove. It will probably be 1:00p or 2:00p, either in an LDS Chapel, or the mortuary. Any of you who have been reading and following our story with Andrew and Ethan are most welcome to join us, and I hope to see you. We'd like to share with you a couple of the special experiences we've shared with Ethan. He is a wonderful son.

I will post the time and location on this blog when we know specifics. We thank you for your love.

Birthday Celebrations

2011-05-29T19:49:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!
Love, Andrew

We celebrated a few birthday's this week!!! First of all, it was Stephen's birthday last Sunday. He was excited to turn a ripe old age of 31. Boy we're getting old. Don't ask me why...but he was very excited to be "well into his thirties." We were able to celebrate all weekend and hang out with family. I made some yummy raspberry cheesecake, which is a favorite of Stephen's. Both Andrew and Ethan like being held by their daddy and I think that was the best birthday present anybody could have given him. :)

Andrew and Ethan are continuing to slowly improve and move in the right direction, for which we are incredibly grateful for. We celebrated their 2 month birthday this week as well! We are so amazed at the journey the last few months have taken us. As for now, both boys are still dealing with the hydrocephalus, but neither of them have any type of shunt or reservoir in their little heads. They are able to manage everything on their own and have been for over a week, since they took everything out. The neurosurgeons are continuing to check on the boys every few days to make sure that everything is looking okay. And....so far so good. :)

Although, we have had a few scares this week. They thought Ethan was getting sicker and worse on Thursday, but nothing has really come of it. They can't really figure out if he's getting sicker or if it's just his hydrocephalus getting worse. Clinically there really isn't anything more that they'd do, but they are watching him with a close eye. I would say he hasn't made big improvements like Andrew has this week, but he definitely hasn't gotten any worse. Which is a great blessing.

They are both gaining some good weight. This week on their 2 month birthday, Andrew weighed 4 lbs 4oz and Ethan weighed 4 lbs and 3oz. It's a tight race!!! They are starting to get a little fat on their bones. The chubby cheeks are starting to form and they now have a small little bum. I think they are looking more and more like each other now that they are getting some fat on their bones. Ethan still seems to have a bit lighter brown hair and Andrew's is still pretty dark. Everyone asks us who they look like. We both think it's hard to tell, but a bunch of the nurses say that they can see a lot of Stephen in both of the boys. Andrew is now getting all of his nutrition from my milk and is receiving 30 ml every three hours. Ethan on the other hand still hasn't started feeds yet. They may try to start feeding again after the holiday weekend. We were concerned about Andrew eyes, because they weren't developing correctly, but after his eye exam this week they are doing great and almost fully developed. YEA!!!

I've had to start back to work this week, which has been a hard transition for me. But it's good to be back, be with my darling kids and wrap things up for the end of the school year. It's only for a few weeks and I'm only going part time. I would have to say that it's a lot easier for me to be at school (emotionally, physically and mentally), when the boys are having some good days. As much as I want to, I haven't been able to make it to the hospital everyday because I'm working. But Stephen has been able to go up there. We've both been able hold them a number of times this week again and we are cherishing these small moments. Here are a few more pictures from this week!

Mommy & Andrew doing skin to skin

Ethan 2 months old

Ethan in Daddy's arms

Andrew trying to decide if he's mad :)

A perfect week! Absolutely wonderful.

2011-05-21T22:17:00.005-05:00

Yep, this was the best week I think -- I can't think of a single thing that went wrong, and a whole bunch of things went right. Both boys have been recovering very well from their meningitis, sepsis, and NEC, and in Ethan's MRI this week the neurologist couldn't find any additional damage from the e. coli! And, our little Andrew, for the first time in his life, came off his ventilator, and a few days later, Ethan decided to follow suit, and also decided to skip CPAP and high flow, and went straight to a normal canula. Today he is sitting pretty at .5 L/min at 21 - 25%, so he's doing great. Andrew is feeding, and Ethan will probably start getting beginning feeds tomorrow or the next day.

The other good news is that both Emily and I have been able to hold both Andrew and Ethan a couple times this week, which was absolutely amazing. I'm just so grateful that they are healthy enough for us to hold them. We really hope that they can stay healthy for a long time so they can start feeding well again, gaining weight, and getting stronger. It will be great to be able to start working on the hurdles they need to overcome in order to come home instead of just focusing on their survival. Today, the nurse practitioner told us that pretty soon that's what we'll start working on. Come on Andrew and Ethan!

This is Emily holding Andrew and me holding Ethan this week. They did just wonderfully. What a great week!

Some Great Surprises

2011-05-16T00:34:00.002-05:00

I've had a few surprises this week...both of which are fantastic. I've been looking forward to these moments for a very long time, but both came to be a bit of a surprise! The first was last Wednesday. I was heading into the hospital that evening with my mom and Andrew's nurse asked if I wanted to help her bathe him! We just happened to be there during their bath hour, so of course I jumped at the chance. It was a bit intimidating to help...even with the nurse coaching me. He's still so incredibly tiny and fragile. It was just a sponge bath of course, and I was definitely a rookie and a bit slow. He got pretty excited and didn't like getting wet. He was trying to cry and arching his back, but being intubated you can't hear anything. We got him all cleaned up and his diaper changed and then I helped her weigh him. It was such a sweet moment I'll treasure and luckily my mom was with me that night and snapped a few pictures.We just happened to have some good timing that night.

Trying to Calm Andrew before his bath

Helping the nurse weigh him for the night

Giving him his bath!!!

Then a few days later they put him on the CPAP. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him breathing and everything was out of his mouth. It was a first, and he was doing really well with it. They asked me if I wanted to hold him. I was in a little shock and didn't realize they'd let me so soon. I needed to leave soon. So I told them I'd come first thing the next morning. I felt like a little kid waiting for Christmas morning. It just couldn't come soon enough!!! They let me hold him in my arms (because of the CPAP mask) They bundled him all up in blankets with all his wires and IV cords and laid him in my arms. They put a bunch of warm blankets on top and with his CPAP mask and hat all I could really see of his face were his cheeks. I was okay with that. I stared at those cute little cheeks the whole time and still couldn't get enough. The biggest thing we had to worry about was him maintaining his body temperature and he did pretty good. The nurses kept checking his temperature every 15-20 minutes. He lasted for about an hour. We've waited for this day for a very long time. I just wished Stephen could have been there for these firsts. He's been out of town this last week for work. Enjoy the pictures!!!

Andrew and a very HAPPY mommy!

Here's our little guy all bundled up!

Miracles

2011-05-13T11:22:00.001-05:00

I must say that we have literally seen miracles this week with our boys. I almost am in tears just thinking about it. Today they are 7 weeks old and it's crazy to think that we were planning on them being born the end of this month even though my due date was in June. Yesterday, I had to pick something up at the hospital they were born at and as I drove up and walked in I had a flood of emotions come back to me with everything we've gone through the last 7 weeks.

Even though both boys are still in critical condition...we are heading in the right direction this week. Here's the updates and the small miracles we've seen:
Miracle #1
They had to take out Andrew's drain because of his meningitis and so he's had nothing this week to help relieve the pressure. Well as of yesterday his OFC (head circumference) hasn't grown at all. The neurosurgeon came and checked on him and he said that he's looking like he doesn't need surgery at this time. YEA!!! That's one less surgery for now. They doing head ultrasounds today and just to double check.
Miracle #2
If the head ultrasound looks good then they are going to take his breathing tube out and take him off the ventilator and put him on CPAP. This is a first for Andrew, as he has been so sick since he was born that he's needed a ventilator his whole life. With him being CPAP instead of a ventilator, that is one step closer for me to be able to hold my sweet Andrew for the first time.
Miracle #3
Also, because he had gotten another infection, they stopped his feedings to prevent NEC from developing. Everything is looking great with his intestines and stomach and so they are going to start him back up on milk this weekend! Another big blessing...hopefully this will help him gain more weight and get stronger. As of last night Andrew weighs 3lbs 11oz He's starting to get a little double chin. :)
Miracle #4
Ethan is still a very sick little boy. It's probably a blessing in disguise that until now I didn't realize really how sick my boy was. Ethan has made some good progress and yesterday he was put onto a different ventilator. This is the one where it does less work for him and he can do more breathing on his own. Which is a great step in the right direction.
Miracle #5
Ethan is also fighting those infections. They culture his blood and CSF (spinal fluid) daily. We've now had 5 days of negative results in the blood and a day of negative results in the CSF!!! Yea! This means that the medications are working, he's still fighting infections because his white bloods cell count in still high, but once again we're seeing improvement.
Miracle #6
If there can be big and small miracles...in my book this would be a big one. Almost 2 weeks ago Ethan was diagnosed with having NEC. In his case it was all throughout his entire intestine, not just a small part. In a nutshell, his intestine was inflamed and dying. (And lets be honest...you can live without a few things, but your intestines is not one of those things) We've been watching it closely with x-rays multiple times a day. We've been very fortunate that there were no holes, just inflammation. Well, yesterday the x-rays came back looking normal. No more inflammation and things are looking really good. They are looking at starting feedings soon. This is huge. I truly feel that this is because of all of the prayers and faith of our family and friends. I also know that the healing power of the priesthood is real. It was pretty powerful to see my husband, dad and brothers-in-law put their hands in Ethan's incubator and on his tiny little body to give him a blessing. There was such a strong spirit there it was very comforting. I am so grateful for a worthy husband and have had my testimony of the priesthood strengthen so much this week.

Soon after they were born I read a talk and it mentioned this about faith.

"When someone has an ailment or illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren't healed, but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is a faith-perfecting."

This quote keeps coming back into my mind. It is a great reminder of me to hold on. I know that our experience with Ethan this week has been a faith-promoting experience...but in general I feel the last 7 weeks for me have been more on the faith-perfecting side. Seeing these boys get infection after infection, take one step forward and five steps back has been hard. I appreciate all the faith and prayers of others to help sustain us through these hard times.

You've got to be kidding. Meningitis bites.

2011-05-08T23:06:00.006-05:00

Yeah. So, I am having a tough time with this -- we found out today that Andrew also now has meningitis, and some signs of NEC. I'm trying really hard not to get discouraged or be negative, but Emily and I are just kind of punch-drunk... is this really happening? Is this what their lives are going to be like? Life threatening events every few days with a day or two to stabilize in between until they finally just can't fight anymore? Well, no. It isn't. Something I've learned through this experience that I knew before but now I really KNOW, is that darkness and discouragement are temporary circumstances, and trials are temporary life experiences. Blessings are coming -- we just can't see them yet. That's what faith is for. Father is there and holds us close.

So, here are some more reasons to be grateful:

#1) Andrew was going to have surgery tomorrow to remove the EVD and put in a reservoir -- if they had detected the meningitis after that, he would have needed another surgery to remove the reservoir and put in another EVD -- so we are saved two useless surgeries.

#1) Andrew's meningitis is from a gram positive bacilli -- likely not quite as aggressive as Ethan's e. coli, and hopefully easier to kill. Plus they detected it right away and started him on antibiotics immediately -- lets kill those stinking bacteria!!

#1) Ethan is stable on the ventilator -- they haven't needed to increase his settings lately. I really hope he will be strong enough so they can start weaning him again soon.

#1) Ethan's blood cultures have been negative (no growth) for three days in a row now! The doctors are pretty sure he's killed his blood infections!

#1) Ethan's NEC hasn't gotten any worse, and we are hopeful that he will be able to recover from that with medication, and hopefully won't need any of his intestine removed. Much better than pneumatosis throughout.

Why are they all #1? Because each of these is something my boys need to survive. I am humbled at their miraculous strength. Thank you for your prayers and faith -- I believe you have allowed the Lord to give us blessings that He wants to give us, but are made conditional on our faith in His power to heal and save. I thank him for letting us have these two wonderful warriors for a little longer!

"We're not out of the woods yet, but..."

2011-05-07T09:51:00.003-05:00

This is what the neonatalogist shared with us yesterday. I grilled the doctors on the infectious disease team, as well as our neonatologist (I have no idea how to spell that), and the ID doctors were optimistic that Ethan is going to make it! Our neonatalogist was guardedly optimistic as well. Its hard for them to tell us that he has good chances of survival, because as we've seen, things can change for the worse SO QUICKLY, yet it takes weeks for these little guys to improve to a point where their lives aren't threatened.

As far as the additional damage done to his brain and other organs, we will not know until he is stable enough for an MRI, which won't be for a few days at the soonest. The prognosis is bad, but right now we're focused on him just keeping fighting. And let's be honest, the prognosis hasn't really changed since we got to Primary's. So nothing new there, right? The poor doctors need to cover their bases though, and make sure we are informed.

Anyway, I wanted to share the wonderful news that Ethan turned the corner, and as long as he keeps his incredible strength up, he will survive the NEC and meningitis, and his blood infections have already started to clear up. Come on, little buddy, you can do it!!

Another complication ...

2011-05-04T20:37:00.003-05:00

So I didn't realize that there were worse challenges than meningitis and blood infections. This morning they discovered the dreaded NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) in Ethan -- not uncommon (I think incidence is about 10%), but unfortunately it is throughout his entire intestinal system. NEC occurs when blood does not profuse well enough in his intestines, leading to infection and necrosis of the tissue. Usually it is localized, I guess. In this case it is a more severe and immediate threat to his life than either the blood infection or meningitis, although it almost certainly was caused because his body has focused on fighting those other infections rather than digest food.

The good news is that he does not yet have a perforation (, and even though the tissue is sick and possibly dying, tests are showing that its most likely not yet dead (although the only way to be sure is to surgically open him and look). It is possible that it might resolve with his antibiotics. We likely will know within a couple days either way. Right now its a wait and see how the infections respond to the antibiotics. We should have some more information tomorrow.

I know you are all praying for my boys. Thank you. Andrew had a stable day today, thank goodness.

Well, we had some very good days, and they're both still fighting

2011-05-04T08:54:00.004-05:00

I didn't know what to put as the title. We owe some updates to you all. In the NICU, no news is good news. So the fact that we haven't posted anything has meant that for a few days Emily and I were patiently watching Ethan and Andrew make some incremental improvements, and rejoicing in each day when absolutely NOTHING went wrong! It was wonderful!

Ethan had been doing wonderfully. Emily was again able to hold him -- she LOVES that, and feels like she could do it all day long if Ethan tolerated it. He definitely knows and loves his mama -- his vital statistics stabilize and improve for the first 30 minutes or so when she holds him. When he gets a little tired, he lets us know and we let him rest. Watching my wife embrace my son, and seeing the sweet expression on her face is my favorite life experience so far second only to marrying her in the first place. Ethan was almost on full feeds.

Andrew has been exceeding expectations fighting the aspergillus. They did a follow up MRI, and surprise -- no signs of infection, fungal or otherwise! They are doing a test to find out if it was ever in there in the first place. We are so proud of him. He is a warrior. He has tolerated his feedings very well also, and was up above 20 mL every 3 hours. Both Ethan and Andrew are over 3 pounds, and have done well with their weight gain.

So now for the bad news. The least bad (ironically, because it stinks) is that in Andrew's MRI they discovered new infarctions (strokes) and hemorrhages (more severe than strokes, but not exactly aneurisms) scattered throughout his brain tissue, in both hemispheres. We kind of expected that there was continued brain damage in addition to his original bilateral grade 4 IVH's because of the difference in his behavior before the acidic blood and after.

Yesterday we also learned that Ethan had a sudden onset of bacterial meningitis. We do not yet know the specific strain, but should find out within a day or two. This morning they discovered bacteria in his blood as well. He has deteriorated rapidly, as we would expect with such severe and sudden infections. We are heartbroken that he has such a significant set back. We are fasting today for him, and invite anyone who is able to join us. The neonatalogist yesterday was willing to give me his estimate of the risk of mortality for Ethan -- about 30%. Those are betting odds, but the new blood infection that will increase Ethan's risk. As far as prognosis goes, medically it is almost certain that he will not walk and talk, and could easily be deaf and blind. Unfortunately, he just does not have much healthy brain tissue left from his previous hemorrhages, so as bad as meningitis is for any preemie, the neonatologist is preparing us for the outcome which is medically likely.

So suddenly, as sick as Andrew is, Ethan is worse. Emily and I are doing well. We have the wonderful support of our family and friends. We wept together last night. I am grateful for the time we have shared with our children. We love them, and are so proud of their incredible and miraculous strength. We have seen Andrew knock on death's door many times, and open it a few times, and he has always come back. Ethan is a great fighter too, and we are hopeful that he will overcome these challenges. If it is his appointed hour, we will be grateful that Heavenly Father let us have him for so long, and grateful for the blessings that will be coming down the road. Our boys are beautiful children, and we are more grateful than words can describe that they are ours. How wonderful it is to be parents! What a wonderful blessing! I love my sons.

P.S. If any of you have crazy unruly teenagers that are giving you grief, please be grateful. :) I hope I can one day complain about my teenagers "borrowing" my car and staying out too late! How quickly life changes. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

A good surgery but not a great MRI

2011-04-28T00:23:00.004-05:00

So today Ethan continues to do well. He is up to 14 or 15 mL every 3 hours, which is fantastic. Although he is very irritable with the CPAP on his nose, and definitely does not like it when people bug him, he is doing well overall. We'd like to see him make more progress on the CPAP and hopefully get off it sooner rather than later. But we're grateful he is doing as well as he is.

Today was both a good day and bad day with Andrew. The MRI came back, and it appears that there are no infections in his grey matter. Unfortunately there is something other than CSF and blood in his ventricles. The radiologist and infectious disease team suspect the aspergillus. We're going to do a culture and grow it out. If it is aspergillus, it is still possible that he can beat it back, but if it is in there then it is also in the blood and possibly has gotten into other organs. Obviously any infection in the brain is very bad, and aspergillus in particular is very hard for babies to beat. We are grateful that his surface infections have disappeared completely, though, and we don't know for sure what is going on in those ventricles.

His surgery went very well -- no problems whatsoever. We're glad that they'll be able to relieve some of the pressure from his head.

I admit its hard for me to focus on the positive when I'm so afraid for them. And then to remember how important it is that we are grateful for having them for so long. We've met other parents in the NICU who would give anything to have their little one for just one more day, and we've had both for over a month now. I guess its all a matter of perspective. My heart goes out to our friends with angel babies. I am astounded at their strength and faith.

Thank you to all who are helping with prayers, and kind words. Your support has been a bright ray of hope during the dark days, and a happy comfort during the good days. We have been fortunate over the weekend to have had quite a few good days in a row! We love these boys.

One Month Old

2011-04-26T23:57:00.020-05:00

It seems really crazy to me that we've had these two sweet boys in our lives for a month now. At times it seems like it's been the longest month and other times I can't believe how fast it's gone by. I would have to say though, that it's been one of the hardest months of my life. But I am grateful for every moment we've had with them.

This month...

We've made the drive to the hospital everyday to see them. We're so glad they're at Primary's, but we wish we lived closer than we do.
Our medical vocabulary has increased exponentially. We've been thrown into the world of the NICU and had to become experts in preemies and neonates.
We've met some amazingly wonderful nurses, doctors and other medical professional. I am so grateful for modern technology and for the skills and education these professionals have. They have helped our boys so much.
I've probably said this before, but it's been hard to feel like their mom this past month. I feel so helpless at times. I've only held my Ethan once for a short time. There are even some days where they are too sensitive for me to even touch them and this is hard. I must continue to be patient and hope that I can start holding both of them soon.

As I was talking with the nurses last night here's their one month stats:

Andrew

Weight: 3 lbs 0 oz.

Height: 14.5 inches

Feeds: 7 ml every 3 hours

This week Andrew has been much more responsive, He likes to sleep and has a sweet smile on his face when his eyes are closed. When he is awake, he is very responsive to our voices and will look right at you. If he does nod off he'll open one eye just to make sure you're still there. He also likes to be snuggled up tight.
Andrew is fighting so hard with all of his infections. He's knocked almost all of them so far. He still has the pneumonia and the aspergillus. Although both are looking much better, again we have to be more patient and wait things out. His head has grown quite a bit the last week and a half and the neurosurgeon came and looked at him today. He looks like he's now a candidate for surgery as long as the MRI they took today comes back good (they're looking to make sure that they aspergillus has not spred into his brain.) If so, he'll have the same surgery Ethan did last week to put in a reservoir to help drain some fluid and relieve some pressure with the hydrocephalus. I pray that this nasty infection hasn't gotten to his brain and that he can quickly receive the surgery he needs.

Ethan

Weight: 2 lbs 12 oz.

Height: 14 inches

Feeds: 14 ml every 3 hours

This week he has been pretty feisty! He pulled out his breathing tube...again for the second time. (He likes to show you he's in charge) If I had to pick which one was more active before they were born I would have picked Ethan....and he's sure living up to that. He'll kick and wiggle so much when he's getting his diaper changed and he doesn't like to be tucked in. He makes the nurses work extra hard when they're assigned to him.
Ethan is almost up to full feeds (for his weight) we are so excited about this! They are still keeping him on an minimal IV, just in case they need it for something other than nutrition. But he's mostly getting all of his nutrition through my milk. They've been tapping his reservoir to drain the fluid of his brain once a day, but decided to change it to an every other day schedule for now because they think that doing it daily is too much pressure change for his little brain. This is a good thing, meaning that his body is trying to take care of it on it's own and they don't need to intervene so much. They'll check his brain ultrasound at the end of the week to double check.

Other than these few minor things...we've really had some pretty good stable days the past week. We are so grateful for each day that there is no bad news, because both Stephen and I feel like we've had our fair share. In the end I must say that these two have taught us so much about being parents this last month...we didn't think that we'd have to make so many difficult decisions. We hope we don't have to ever make those decisions again.

Another Reason to Celebrate

2011-04-26T23:09:00.000-05:00

Other than all the stable days with our boys in the hospital, we had another reason to celebrate this last week. Stephen was able to complete and finish up with his MBA degree at BYU!!! The past two years have flown by so fast. I really can't believe we're at this point in our lives. Stephen is really excited to be working again and getting a paycheck, but I will have to say I'll miss being down here and apart of BYU.

It honestly has been such a huge blessing at how ALL of his professors and group members worked with him to help make accommodations the last 3 weeks, so he could graduate. They were amazing and most just said they would grade him for all the work he's put into up to when the boys were born. Other's gave him just one or two things to finish up...and even then his groups carried him completely. He really didn't have any finals to worry about with everything else on his plate and this was a huge relief (for both of us) He's been able to focus on our family, help me recover and be at the hospital. I don't know else we could have made it.

We were keeping our fingers crossed that the boys would be calm and stable enough for us to attend graduation and they were. His family flew in town for the week. It was so great to see them and it was nice that they could see the boys while they were here. We're excited, anxious and a little nervous to move on to our new phase of life. Here's a few pictures we snapped of the exciting day!

REALLY Hoping for a good Sunday!

2011-04-24T09:17:00.003-05:00

So we are approaching today with some hope and excitement and a little trepidation and fear. In the past month, three of the four Sundays we've had huge set-backs which have threatened Andrew's life. We've decided that today is going to be a much better Sunday than the others have been :).

I pretty much only have good news to report, which is SO nice, let me tell you! Since the 20th, Andrew continued to stabilize bit by bit and yesterday he didn't have a single brady (where his heart rate crashes suddenly). He is also becoming a little more responsive, and is able to open his eyes, look at us, and even hold Emily's hand. He has also been doing very well on this ventilator, and has been weaned, little by little. We don't have a time frame for taking him off the ventilator, but we are moving in the right direction. He is about 2 lbs 14 oz, and he has began feeding again, getting 1 mL of Emily's milk every 3 hours! We are REALLY excited about that. It also appears that his infections are slowly going away. I think that he is beating them! Even the aspergillus! If he stays on this track, he will make it. What a miracle that will be!

Ethan is also doing well. He hasn't had any more spells where his heart rate drops, although he does occaisionally get very irritable! Yesterday he knocked off his CPAP, and boy did he ever fuss and cry while the nurse tried to get it back on! I used "containment" to try to comfort him, and it worked once we also let him take the pacifier. I'll tell you what, though -- for only weighing 2 lbs 12 oz, that kid is STRONG! He kept getting his arms loose, even though I was using as firm a touch as I felt comfortable. I know that it isn't good for him to get so worked up, but can I just admit that it warms my heart to hear him cry and see him fuss with so much strength? I can't wait until the day when I actually find his crying frustrating or annoying, because that will mean that I get to hear him often :). Oh, how we hope, pray and ache for that day!

So it might be a little funny to be so explicit, but can I share a couple specific things for which we have an interest in your prayers? So far, the greatest miracle of all is that they are both alive and actually making incremental improvements again. We are praying that their hydrocephalus diminishes, that Andrew will be made whole from his infections, that they will be able to breathe without ventilators, and after that without assistance. One really big thing that is very threatening to little premies is that NEC, so we are also praying that they will tolerate their feedings and eventually that Emily's milk will supply all of their nutrition. We also pray that they will be able to see, hear, speak, and swallow. Heck, even though I know its not possible medically, I can't stop praying that Heavenly Father will heal their brains and that they will live "normal" lives, although I always make sure to pray for his will above all.

I believe that the reason that Andrew is still alive is because of everyone's prayers. Thank you for your gifts of faith and prayer. They are priceless!

Humbled...

2011-04-20T21:06:00.002-05:00

I must say that I've been very humbled the past week or so...ever since the boys were transferred up to Primary Children's Hospital. It's been amazing to walk down the halls and see the children that are there and the strong parents that are along side of them. I've seen everything from children dealing with leukemia, prosthetic arms, burns, cancer....you name it. Just the other day as we were leaving I overheard a few dads in the elevator talking and one commented that "someday our lives will be back to 'normal'" that really struck me and made me realize that the hearts of all the parents at this hospital ache for their children. Stephen commented today that life is very surreal and such a blur. It's hard to think WE are the ones dealing with all of this. Another reminder we had just yesterday, was when we met with a grandma who's granddaughter is in the NICU. This new little baby girl was going to pass away in the next day or two. My heart went out to them as she was only born about 3 days ago. Although this is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done, it makes me reflect and think that we don't have it so bad. We have really been blessed. We've been able to spend almost a whole month with our boys and their little bodies are still trying to fight hard.

One of the reason's our boys were transferred up to Primary's last week, was because they were looking like they needed surgery and they needed some of the specialists up there. We were so fortunate and were told yesterday afternoon that Ethan was able to be a candidate for surgery. He needed a reservoir put in place to help with the hydrocephalus and drain the excess fluid off his brain. Everything was coordinated so fast and they were able to get him in with a neurosurgeon this morning. Stephen and I went up early so we could be there before he we into surgery. His poor little head has grown so much. It was up to 29 1/2 cm and had grown 6 cm in about a week. You could tell that he was in a lot of pain as well. He was so sensitive that he wouldn't let you touch him and even talking was hard on him. We were able to walk down with him to the OR and talk to the doctors before they took him in. The whole procedure took only about 45 minutes. The doctor reported afterward, that Ethan did very well during the procedure and was very pleased with how everything went. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Stephen and I are very hopeful that this will help with the pressure he is feeling. We also are hoping that he'll continue to improve as they slowly drain the fluid off each day.

Andrew as well had a better day today. He still is very sick and very sensitive when they get in his bed to bug him. His heart rate drops (but not to zero like we saw on Sunday). But it still gets pretty low sometimes. I'm sure it's likely due to his hydrocephalus. His head is getting bigger, but isn't quite as bad as Ethan's. I'm sure he too is in so much pain with the pressure on his brain. Plus our little boy still has all these nasty infections. It's because of these infections...he's not a candidate for the same type of surgery at this time. The waiting game continues with him. He did however respond to us today. He opened his eyes for quite a while and just looked at us. He held the nurses hand and didn't have the jerky movements we've seen the past week or so. These were big milestones in my book. Although I know that tomorrow can be a totally new story.

We took a few pictures today and thought we'd share. They're not the best because their room is dark and we can't use a flash...but here they are. They both are growing and weigh the same (2 lbs and 10oz) I even noticed a little "fat" on Ethan's bones today...if you can call it that.

Andrew looking at us today!

Andrew's head sure has grown

Ethan before surgery

Stephen watches as the nurses prep Ethan for Surgery

After surgery Ethan was very sleepy

Sundays seem to be our bad days

2011-04-18T00:40:00.000-05:00

Our roller coaster continues. Today unfortunately we had another low. Pretty much at the top of my list of things I am really tired of seeing is my son's heart stopping. We were getting ready to leave, and were chatting with the nurse, and when I glanced at Andrew's monitor he had flat lined. The alarm is actually delayed a little bit from the wave form, but when I told the nurse that his pulse was zero, she jumped up, and as soon as she got there the alarms started going off. Andrew came back quickly, but had a very unsteady heart rate for a few minutes -- I had virtually no concept of time. It could have been 3 or 4 minutes or 10. Once they gave him a sedative, he stabilized. This likely indicates a seizure.

The truth is that neurologically Andrew is not doing well. Before last Sunday, when he heard my voice, he opened his eyes, and looked at me for a few long seconds. His eyes tracked my voice, and both moved together. He could grip my fingertip with his hand. He would move and respond to our touch. This week, sadly, he has been unresponsive to most of our interaction. His reflexes are almost non-existent, and when he does crack an eye open, he doesn't seem to be able to track us. It is very difficult to see him like this. His brain has just sustained too much injury. His infections seem to be improving, but new ones pop up. The aspergillus and pneumonia are the most concerning infections at the moment.

Ethan... well, he is doing better than Andrew, but our physician shared with us this week that while there is still a lot of hope that he will survive, his prognosis is not good. Her opinion is that he will be a severe care child, unable to take care of himself. That being said, there is still a slight possibility that he might be able to walk and talk and interact with us. Emily and I are clinging to that hope, but are willing to care for him for the rest of our lives if need be. Emily understands what that means a lot better than I do.

So people keep asking us how we are doing, and how our boys are doing. Its really hard for us to answer that question honestly and still be appropriate. Emily and I feel very much of the description in D&C 122:7. Truly, the "jaws of hell hath gaped open the mouth wide after [us]." What can we say? The past three weeks have been the sorest trial of our lives, and we have seen our share of trials like anyone else has on this earth.

That is the dark part. We all have our trials. And even though they are all different, no matter what trial we are facing, we need the Lord's help to get through it. None of us can make it without Father's mercy and grace. I believe that after Emily and I overcome this trial through our Savior's grace, we will be strengthened to a degree much beyond where we were before. When I watch my little boy suffer from pain, and I watch him stop breathing, or his heart rate crash; When they are beset with multiple infections, pneumonias, the most severe IVH's, or I see wounds on his chest from the fingernails of the nurse who did chest compressions to save his life, and in my heart I can still tell my Father how grateful I am to Him that he gave me my sons to have for these few short weeks, and that I trust in His will for what is best for us... well... How could I ever forsake Him? I love Him. He is my Father, and I know He loves me, and will act according to what is best for me, for my sweet wife, and my dear boys. I am not sure what tomorrow or tonight will bring, but I know that our God loveth his children (1 Ne 11:17). Truly, all is well when we cleave to our Savior in faith, regardless of the circumstances of our life.

I have found great comfort in some of the following scriptures:

D&C 121:1-2, 6 - 10
D&C 122:7-9
Mark 4:37-41
Mark 5:36
Mark 9:16-29
Matt 14:24-33
John 11:1 - 45, but especially 25 - 27, & 35
"An High Priest of Good Things to Come"

I thank my God for the covenants I've made in the temple.

Change Coming All At Once...

2011-04-17T09:25:00.002-05:00

So as much as our other aspects of life have definitely been put on hold the past 24 days, we are excited that Stephen has finally finished up with his classes at BYU and is all set to graduate next week. We honestly can't believe we're at this point and are amazed at how fast the past 2 years have gone by. We are excited for the many new adventures that lay ahead and with the boys in the hospital we're trying to figure a few things out. We feel so blessed that he already has a job lined up and will start at the end of June. Another huge blessing is that we've already found somebody to rent our townhouse. We are so glad that these two huge things were taken care of way before the boys were born and we are so grateful not to have to worry about that with everything else that is going on. With that being said...we have a lot of change coming all at once.

We will be moving at the end of April...yes in just a few weeks... to live with my parents for a few months before Stephen starts his job this summer (this has always been part of the plan) But now, we just won't be able to go out there together. Oh yeah, a lot have been asking where we'll be going? Well about 2 days after the boys were born we finally found out where AT&T has placed us for our first year. We're heading to Chicago!!! We are really excited and we're kind of shocked that we got this location. Shocked because there were only 2 positions open there and being a new hire, we didn't think he'd get it. We're way excited because we'll be closer to Stephen's family. (He has a sister that will be about 2 hours away and his family in Michigan will only be about a 6 hours away).

Our plan for now.... is that he'll drive out the middle/end of June with our moving truck and get everything settled and start working. I'll stay here with the boys until they can come home from the hospital. Then, we'll probably just play it by ear and I'll stay here until the boys are strong enough to make the move. We're guessing that might be July, August or even possibly September...but who knows. That seems so far away right now and it will definitely be a long few months to be apart.

We had another great victory yesterday!

2011-04-15T11:00:00.002-05:00

This is a perfect example of our roller coaster, but I wanted to share another blessing and victory we had with Andrew -- on his echocardiogram (heart ultrasound) while it continues to show good functionality, his PDA has decreased in size, from very large to moderate!! Patent Ductus Arteriosus are valves in prenatal infants which bypass the lungs which usually close shortly after birth, but preemies' often stay open longer. This is a big deal, because if it doesn't close on its own, he will need heart surgery, and he can't have surgery when he has all of these infections. The PDA has been giving us a lot of secondary complications, so the fact that it is starting to close a little bit on its own is VERY encouraging. Hooray for Andrew!! You keep it up, little guy!

Another thing of relatively good news is that Ethan's infection is probably not too bad, as infections go -- it is a respiratory infection, but it hasn't developed into pneumonia. And hopefully since they jumped on it so promptly, it won't get much worse. Although all infections in preemies are life-threatening, it looks like this one is not as bad as most. They haven't identified the exact strain yet, but it is bacterial, not fungal -- so no aspergillus for him yet. He also continues to wean on the ventilator, and soon will be able to come off it, although with his respiratory infection we're going to have to be very careful.

So far nothing has grown out of either boys' lumbar punctures or blood cultures, so we are crossing our fingers that continues. It has only been 2 days out of 14, but any day that we don't get bad news in that department is a very good day :).

Thank you again for your prayers during our scares on Sunday, and transport on Tuesday. Emily and I can not express our gratitude enough for them. So many people are asking how they can help -- I hope you all know that I am completely honest and sincere when I say the very best and most important thing that anyone can do for us is remember our two little fighters in their prayers. The fact that Andrew has come so close to death's door twice, and opened it once, but still turns the corner and comes back to us is miraculous to me, and I feel due entirely to our friends' and families' faith and prayers. So thank you again.

A Very Long Week

2011-04-14T13:12:00.000-05:00

We've had many more ups and downs...although this week it seems as though our boys have had many many downs...both Stephen and I feel that we're due for some positive things the next few days. I don't even know where to start other than both our boys are very very sick.

Andrew took quite a dive on Sunday and we weren't sure if he'd make it through the night. They had to put him back on the oscillating ventilator, more so because his little body is fighting so hard with infections that they don't want to over strain his lungs and they needed to regulate a lot of things with his blood work levels. We also found out that on top of the yeast, staph and Aspergillus infections, he now has pneumonia. So Sunday when we got a phone call from the hospital, we rushed up to be right by his side. We ended up spending the night at the hospital and we were very emotionally drained by Monday afternoon. He's still with us and has been stable for a couple days, but he is definitely a very sick little boy. Then on Tuesday, after more tests it looked like he was at high risk for hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and may possibly need surgery to relieve the pressure. Because of this his infections and this other high risk, they decided to transport him up to Primary Children's hospital so he could be closely monitored by the doctors and surgical team up there. This was the second time in the last few weeks that our doctors thought he was going to pass away, but once again he turned a corner, and is stable, albeit worse than before the setback. One other bit of good news which is a pretty big deal is that the aspergillus infection has not spread to other parts of his body that we can see. This fungal infection is so voracious that it can get all over the place within a day or two, but Andrew's little wounds have been healing. It will be over a month before we'll know if it has been beaten back or not, since it can pop up anywhere at any time, but his first week and a half with it he has definitely been keeping it at bay, and even winning some battles. He sure is fighting hard. There are so many things going wrong with him that we cherish these victories, even if the victory is only a lack of bad news :).

Ethan was doing so great, but just a few days ago has also started to become sicker. They first saw that his white blood cell count was really high (knowing that his body was trying to fight some sort of infections) so they stopped his feedings (out of fear of necrotizing enterocolitis, NEC) and have done numerous tests to figure out where and what is infected...so far nothing has come back positive. which is good news, but with all the cultures they are doing, we must wait at least a week or more to make sure. So as for now, we really don't know what or where he is infected, but his body is telling us that he is. He also is showing signs for the hydrocephalus, so they were able to transport him up to Primary Children's as well. I'm glad that both our boys are at the same hospital to make it easier on us and I know that Primary's has amazing doctors. They really couldn't be in a better place right now and we are so grateful for a the wonderful care they are receiving.

A First for Mommy

2011-04-11T23:42:00.020-05:00

I just have to laugh....I didn't realize that Stephen would be blogging as much as he is. It's always been something that I've done, but lately he's much better at keeping things updated than I am. I guess it's a bit therapeutic for the both of us and a way for us to let everyone know what's happening, without having to repeat ourselves a bunch of times. Again we are so grateful for the love and support we have been given and that is really what is keeping us going.
Last Friday, we made it through the first two weeks of being parents. These two weeks have seemed forever long... but we're making it day by day...literally. We had a huge milestone with Ethan on his two week birthday that has been such a treasure. I hope that I can do this with my Andrew someday too. :) I was able to hold him for the first time. It was such a surprise when they told us we could do this. I honestly thought that it would be a very long time before I'd be able to hold my babies in my arms.
Well, last Friday I got to hold Ethan for the first time. This was the best little birthday present I could have ever wished for. We did what they call "Kangaroo Care" where I held him skin to skin. I cherished this moment and could feel the strength of his little spirit fill my soul. I kept telling Stephen and the nurses that I could do this all day long. Of course they wouldn't let me hold him ALL day....but Ethan did let me hold him for about 45 minutes. During that time all of his vitals (breathing, oxygen level, heart rate, body temperature etc) were better than they had been all morning. Then he told us he was done and wanted to get back into his bed. I think I really needed this and it really energized my spirit and heart so much. It sometimes just kills me inside to see my boys laying there with so many wires, tubes, machines, and alarms going off. I feel very helpless as a mom, in what I can do for them. But this experience helped boost my spirits a bit.

On another note...
Here's a picture of one of their little diapers next to our iphone. The funny part is that these diapers are too big for them and we have to fold them down. Crazy I know!

Also, we are starting to learn a little bit about their personalities. Andrew, as sick as he is, has shown us what a sweet boy he is. He has opened his eyes when he hears his mom and dad and just looks at us. It truly melts my heart. He's also a very sensitive boy and any tweak the nurses try to make...he let's them know if he likes it or not. Sometimes I just have to smile at this. Ethan on the other hand is quite the wiggle worm and any time they position him and get him all tucked in nice and tight. His arms and legs work their way out pretty quickly. Last night, he wiggled so much that his little hand pulled his feeding tube right out. Ethan also loves to make some funny faces. They make me laugh. Here's a few more pictures to enjoy!

My Monkey Boy! I just love this face!

Ethan Holding his Pacifier

First time I met my Ethan!

"holding" my sweetheart Andrew

First time I met my little Andrew!

Andrew taking a nap

Andrew had a rough day yesterday

2011-04-11T11:55:00.002-05:00

I debated whether or not to update this right now, but decided it was the best way to communicate to our friends. Yesterday afternoon our Andrew started going downhill, such that the doctors discussed "options" with us (those options all have the same outcome). We are praying that the Lord's will be done in the Lord's time. We stayed at the hospital last night to be close in case it was his time, but he re-stabilized and "turned a corner" and today we are seeing incremental improvement again (although he is much sicker than he was yesterday morning before things started deteriorating). The wonderful staff at the NICU up there is helping us prepare with great kindness and sensitivity. We love those nurses and doctors!

We'll ask that no one call or text on the phone, but emails and written comments of your love and support are comforting and appreciated. We feel of your love for us, and we are grateful.

Ethan continues to be a rock-star, and is excelling in every way. Even medically things are very positive, with only a few big hurdles to overcome still.

Some great news for Ethan!

2011-04-09T20:35:00.004-05:00

I am very excited to share some really really good news with you all -- Our Ethan is off of CPAP and NIPPV, and is pretty much breathing room air almost entirely on his own! He has a little nose canula which delivers air at 1 Liter (I think per minute), but is usually set at 21 - 24% oxygen, and usually at 21 - 22%!! This is GREAT news for him. He continues to tolerate his feedings well, and today they increased him to 5 ml/3hours. He is also officially over his birthweight, after losing about 15% the first week. So he really is doing fantastic in pretty much every way we can hope right now. In my opinion (very professional, I know) he is no longer in "critical" condition.

Andrew is doing very well also. His infections still haven't progressed, which at this point is all that we are hoping for. He also still hasn't had anything grow from the cultures of his lumbar puncture, which is huge as meningitis would be the end of the road for him. He is slowly weaning off the ventilator, although he still depends on it for most of his breathing.

We've seen them both open their eyes, and the past two days as soon as I come to see Andrew and start whispering to him, he opens his eyes wide and looks right at me -- I know that he can't see anything yet, but it is still special!

And Emily wants to share a sweet experience with our Ethan, so you'll probably get two posts in one day!

Infections are no fun

2011-04-07T19:37:00.002-05:00

So I just wanted to post another update on here. The blog is kind of Emily's thing, and I think this might actually be my first official blog post. Heh.

So our saga continues with Andrew and Ethan. We have received so much support from our family and friends. My colleagues in the MBA program have bent over backwards to keep me on track, and to carry me in my group work, which has been a godsend so I can focus on my family.

Ethan is doing REALLY well. He continues to improve and strengthen. He doesn't really gain weight yet, but he's pretty much stopped losing weight. He has been exceeding our expectations on the ventilator -- he is now essentially breathing entirely on his own. All he needs is the CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) to keep his lungs inflated, a little puff of air every once in a while to remind him to breathe, and a little bit of supplemental oxygen (we breathe 21%, and he breathes anywhere from 21% to 33% depending on if he's being bothered or not).

Also, he is now eating some milk, which we're really excited about because he'll be getting those antibodies and good nutrition. They started him at 1 ml every 6 hours, but he has been tolerating it really well, so now its up to 2 ml every 3 hours. They're being careful with it to make sure it doesn't hurt his gastrointestinal system (getting NEC or Necrotizing Enterocolitis).

So, Ethan is really doing pretty much everything that we want him to. It has been such a relief to have so few problems with him!

Our Andrew seems to want to be the center of attention more than Ethan. He has been getting a little bit better on his ventilator, and recently was taken off the one that does all the breathing for him to one which only breathes for him when he doesn't breathe. Its about half and half right now. Our biggest worry about Andrew is that he has three different infections. Two are pretty common -- yeast and staph. The third is quite rare in premature infants -- aspergillus. Its a nasty fungus, and we're pretty worried about it. The good news is that even though it tends to spread very quickly, it hasn't spread to any of his internal organs -- even though he's had it for about 4 days or so. Another tough thing is that he once again has had some blood in his lungs, and they had to stop feeding him milk because his stomach wasn't doing well with it. We hope to start again tomorrow or Saturday. Once Andrew makes a little more progress on his ventilator, beats these infections, and starts eating well we'll be able to breathe a lot easier. For now its a wait and see situation -- the doctors are unable to give us any assurances other than there is still hope that everything will be ok.

I hope that I can post something this weekend that there isn't any blood in his lungs and that he has resumed his feedings. As long as the infections don't get worse, that will be a victory -- the treatment for the fungus lasts 3 - 6 weeks, so it will be a while before it disappears.

Thank you for your love and prayers. We need those prayers more than anything else!

Our First Week

2011-04-04T12:53:00.000-05:00

We've made it through a very long week with many ups and downs. Words really can't express how we're feeling and everything we've gone through, but I'll try to do what I can. We are humbled to know that so many are praying for us. We have really felt the strength and overwhelming power of those many prayers that have been said in our family's behalf and want to thank you. I really think that is what has gotten us through this week.

Each day our boys are with us is a huge blessing and we're enjoying every minute we can spend with them. Being born at 26 1/2 weeks they have so many challenges ahead of them. Basically in a nutshell, the doctors have been focusing on their major organs (heart, brain & lungs) as these are not fully developed at this young age. They are in very critical condition and will be for the next few weeks. We've learned very quickly that being in the NICU is a roller coaster with many ups and downs every day, hour and minute. We'll take all the ups we can get. Here's some great little miracles we've seen this week. Both boys had very unstable blood pressure the first few days of life. They both are now doing great with that and are totally off all their blood pressure medicine and are able to stabilize this all on their own. Yesterday, Ethan was able to breathe on his own and now has a less extreme ventilator. Instead of continuous support with rapid breaths, this new ventilator will let him do most of the work and support his lungs when he forgets to breathe on his own or when he's not getting enough oxygen with the breaths he's taking. Andrew is not far behind him and we hope that in the next day or so he'll be on the same type of ventilator. Both boys have lost quite a bit of weight and today Andrew weighed 1 lb 14 oz and Ethan was 1 lb and 12 oz. Because they have become a bit more stable the last few days, they both got their first feeding of my milk. It's a very tiny amount (1 ml every 6 hours)...but we're excited and hopefully some of their weight will come back soon!!! Although, there are a lot of complications that can happen when they introduce this milk, we're now praying that their digestive track can handle this. We've been told that feeding will be another big hurdle we have ahead of us.

As for me, I'm still trying to recover and wishing that this process would go much faster than it is. I'm still trying to take it easy, which is hard for me. I'm one who 'keeping busy' keeps my mind off of things. But I have a wonderful husband who is helping me so much and family who is so close.

Here are a few pictures of our little warriors!

Andrew just relaxing before having his "cares" done

Andrew's tiny feet

Ethan as he is getting ready to transfer hospitals

Stephen holding Ethan's Hand for the first time

We have noticed a few things to tell these little boys apart. Andrew has dark black hair and Ethan has lighter brown hair (although it's hard to see in pictures)...we'll see how this changes over time. Also, Ethan's toes are farther apart with a little space between two of them on each foot, where Andrew's toes are much closer together. It's fun to see how each different nurse that works with them notices and comments on their different little features.

Our Little Boys Are Here!!!

2011-04-04T00:28:00.001-05:00

Much to our surprise our little boys decided to come 3 months early! They gave us no warning and we were totally not prepared. We're now wondering if this is going to be what their little personalities are like. They seem to sure like giving their parents a scare!!!

We'd like to introduce you to...

Ethan Gerald Holden

March 25th, 2011 8:23a.m.

2 lbs 1 oz. 14 inches

Andrew Bruce Holden

March 25th, 2011 8:22 a.m.

2 lbs 7 oz. 14 inches

Here's the story:
During the night I woke up a few times with minor pain...thinking I just needed to go to the bathroom. After the 3rd time at 6:00am I laid in bed wondering what this pain really was. I woke Stephen up about 20 minutes later and we decided to call the doctor. He told us to go to the hospital. As we got dressed and left for the hospital the minor pain quickly intensified and became more frequent. I was just grateful we live only 5 minutes from the American Fork Hospital. When we check in, the nurses tried to do a few tests and quickly realized I was in full labor. They rushed to call the on-call doctor and when he came in to check me he said that I was fully dialated and he could feel a little hand. His guess was my cervix totally gave up with the weight of two babies and my body decided it was done. There was no time to transfer me to a hospital with a level 3 NICU and they wheeled me into the OR for an emergancy C-section.

I will admit both Stephen and I were scared to death wondering if our babies would even live. So within an hour of arriving at the hospital. I heard each of them cry for a short second after they were born. This was a huge relief to me. The operating room was full of people. Each baby had probably a team of 6 or 7 nurses and doctors around them. Shortly after they were born they rushed them off to get them ready to be transferred to a higher level NICU. I got to see them for a short minute or two before they left the hospital. Everything happened so fast. It really seemed like a dream. As happy as we are to have these two boys in our lives....this was not how I had envisioned everything. I know that the next few months as they are in the NICU I will be saying that a lot. But this is our life and we have a long road ahead of us.
The crazy thing is as we look back upon the day or the days ahead. There really was no signs we missed. Just two days before we had seen the Fetal Medicine Doctor. (This is a doctor we'd started seeing in addition to my OBGYN who specializes in "high risk" pregnancies.) The Fetal Medicine doctors/nurses are experts in multiple births and other complications in pregnancy. Each time they do a very in-depth ultrasound and according to them...'everything looks great' and 'you couldn't be doing better' They had check the amniotic fluid amounts, length of my cervix. Everything really was 'just fine'. I guess these two had a little different plan in mind. :) We have really felt the Lord's hand in all that we've been through and know that he is constantly with us.

Anyways, here's a picture we took before they were born. Who knew this would be the last one we'd take.


March 13th, 2011 at 25 weeks

A Birthday Weekend Get-A-Way

2011-03-03T22:54:00.000-06:00

This is a bit late, but wanted to write a quick post. We were able to get away for the long president's day weekend. It was so much fun! We decided to head up to the cabin for a little weekend get-a-way. Stephen and I went up a day early...he told me I wasn't allowed to do anything the entire weekend since Monday was my birthday. So...I didn't and it was wonderful! I loved spending time with just the two of us up their alone. Stephen made me some delicious steak & mushrooms for my birthday dinner. It was really delicious. I keep trying to convince him that he needs to show off his cooking skills more often at home. He just says I wouldn't appreciate my birthday dinners as much, if he did this on a regular basis. :)

We were able to lay around and relax. It was so quite and beautiful. It was truly breathtaking just looking out the windows. I loved being in the mountains with the sun shimmering off of about 4 or 5 feet of snow.

Then most of my family came up the next day. We stayed up late chatting, laughing, and playing games. The next day everyone had to spend sometime outside playing in the snow. It's amazing how much more snow there is up there. The trails for good sledding hills are endless when you're at the cabin. They spent over 3 hours outside playing around. Even the "big kids" got into making snow tunnels and riding the 4-wheelers. It was so wonderful to get-a-way and be able to spend my birthday with my family!

We all can get a little competitive when playing games!!!

Stephen & Jeff trying to find each other as they dig a tunnel under a mountain of snow.

Going for a ride

Gettin' ready to ride the 4-wheelers in the snow!


Capturing a smile before attempting the "hill of no return"

Most of the kids loved going down the steepest hills, but climbing back up in the deep snow was a bit tricky. :)

New Skills???

2011-03-03T22:01:00.000-06:00

So for Christmas this year, I got a sewing machine. I've sewed a bit in the past...but I must say that I'm pretty rusty. I've pulled it out a few times and tried to figure out how to use the new machine. I'm not too crafty of a person, although I'd like to be someday. Maybe this gift will help get me there. :) So I decided to bust out some sewing skills for Valentines Day. I found these on some website (I wish I remembered where). But it was sooo easy, with just some wax paper, red thread and candy. They turned out darling. I made some candy valentine's for my nieces and nephews. They thought it was fun to rip them open and eat the treats. They loved them so much, I attempted to make 16 of them for my kids at school. I think they turned out great! It's not much, but I would have to say that was way more crafty than I've ever been.

My Handyman

2011-02-19T20:54:00.012-06:00

So this story goes back quite a few months...but I just had to share.

While doing our typical Saturday cleaning, our poor vacuum started smoking. After a little investigating, we ordered some new filters and a belt. Then after weeks of waiting, they came in the mail and Stephen aka "my handyman" took the dear old vacuum apart and replaced them. I used it only twice, before the smoke started up again. It took another month or so to figure out what was going on. But my handyman, didn't give up. Our vacuum wasn't that old and should have plenty of years still left in it...and we certainly didn't want to fork out the money for a new one. In the meantime, my floor hasn't been vacuumed in months. I came home one day to my whole vacuum taken apart in about twenty different pieces. I was really worried. Stephen has done a lot of little projects around the house over the years...but I'll be honest, I was little worried that he wouldn't be able to put it back together, let alone fix it. On Wednesday we received a little brown package in the mail. This weekend Stephen surprised me and put a new part in the vacuum. It worked! I was so excited!!! It practically feels like I have a whole new vacuum and all thanks to "my handyman" I was so excited I vacuumed my whole house from top to bottom. I don't think Stephen realized how much I appreciated his fix-it skills, until he saw me pulling the couch apart to vacuum it. We had a good laugh.

Over Half Way There!!!

2011-02-09T22:25:00.004-06:00

We're excited to announce that in about 4 months we'll have
two baby BOYS join our family!!!

We had our 20 week ultrasound last week and these boys were not shy at all. In fact they were being quiet the active little fellows. We spent almost an hour in there as the ultrasound technician was trying to get all their measurements. It was so fun to seeing them be so active, rolling around and kicking. We had been anxiously awaiting this news and went to celebrate that night! Of course, I had to go get something tiny and blue...I guess two little somethings. :) Stephen thought I was over doing it a little. But went along with my excitement anyway. I keep looking at these 2 pair of booties and the realization that TWO little babies is sinking in deeper and deeper. We really have no idea all that lays ahead us, but are excited for the adventure.

This last week, as we've shared our news, we keep getting a lot of the sames questions asked. The biggest one of all, is if we've decided on names. Decided???? Do people not know me and my decision making skills. Well, to be honest we haven't really put much thought into names yet. (because we wanted to find out for sure what we're having first) But now we need to come up with TWO boy names! Any thoughts or suggestions? I'm all ears. :)

Love You..

2011-01-16T20:51:00.000-06:00

We celebrated our 4th anniversary this month. Where has the time gone. I really don't know. I'm just grateful for many more years ahead!

With a New Year...Comes New Changes

2011-01-06T22:18:00.026-06:00

I always love ringing in the new year and all that it has in store.
setting some new goals.
reflecting on the past year.
a fresh new start in all areas of life.
getting organized.

As I look towards 2011 and all that it brings, a mixture of emotions comes my way... If expecting twins isn't enough change in one year. Another exciting event in the coming 2011 is Stephen's graduation from business school. With this graduation, comes reality...real life...real bills....real jobs...which we are excited to share that we have one! YEA!!! Stephen accepted a full-time position with AT&T just before Christmas!

He has been very busy the past semester recruiting, applying, interview, traveling, and negotiating. Well, after weeks of weighing everything and much prayer, we decided to take it! Yea!!!! I'm so proud of him! We are sooo excited and sooo grateful to have a job. And to have it well before graduation...bonus for us! We thought the road would be long and hard. Just as it was last year when we were looking for an internship. Stephen's start date will be sometime in June or July...yep just about the time our new ones will join us. We're hoping these sweet ones decide to come before he starts and we have to move. This spring we'll find out exactly which head office we'll be located at and where we will be moving to. My family is incredibly sad that we'll be moving out of state shortly after the babies are born.

Although moving with 2 newborns will be challenging, we're excited that he'll be doing a rotational leadership program so we'll have the opportunity to work in a few different locations the first 3 years. So we'd better get used to packing and moving. Right? I would lie if I didn't say that I have moments of shear panic...when I realize everything that lies ahead for us. But in some ways, it's exciting and we couldn't ask for more perfect timing of everything. :) I think 2011 has already proved to exciting and definitely full of change!

'Tis the Season

2010-12-31T22:51:00.062-06:00

We would like to take a moment and wish you all a Happy New Year! We apologize for not sending Christmas Cards this year....However, we loved seeing all of your family updates and promise to be more on the ball next year.

Once again, I can't believe the Christmas season has come and gone. We've been able to have a fun-filled December, although not much was documented by pictures. Here's a few of our favorites.

Going to see Santa on the Polar Express!

I love to see the Temple!

Grandma & Grandpa with the kids

Trying to keep warm in the visitors center

Our Christmas was simply wonderful. We were able to fly out and spend about 10 days in Michigan with Stephen's family. It was incredibly colder back there! We built many fires and cuddled under blankets to stay warm. We loved spending time with them, baking yummy treats and watching fun movies. Connor (6) and Benson (4 1/2) the two oldest grandkids were the most patient kids I've ever seen on Christmas morning. They waited over and hour for everyone to get up and get ready before opening the presents under the tree. This was a great shot Stephen took of them admiring all the gifts under tree.

Our two little ones have already given us a scare! We ended up spending about 4 1/2 hours in the ER on Christmas Eve. This was not planned and definitely not the funnest way I've spent Christmas Eve. But everything is just fine. They put me on bed rest for the week and I loved the excuse to just sit around and be lazy over my Christmas vacation. One plus with this visit is that we got the most precious picture from the ultrasound.

love it!

We love you all and are so grateful for wonderful family and friends!

Our Christmas Secret!!!

2010-12-12T20:03:00.001-06:00

Okay...so the secret is slowly leaking out. We've been anxiously waiting to tell and we wanted to show a little proof because of the looks on most people's face when we tell them that.......

we're expecting twins!!!

Our little family of two will double in size coming this June. We've known for about a month or so that there are actually two little ones instead of just one, and it seems as though we need to start saying something...because it's getting awfully hard to hide the little belly that is starting to show. Here's the amazing picture from our ultrasound this last week. If you are like me these black and white images are so hard to look at. You can see one of the babies in the lower right as a profile view with it's head and little hand. The other is much harder and is in the upper left-hand side. You can only see the top of the head, but clearly each black spot shows there are two different amniotic sacs. We were able to hear both of their heartbeats, which was amazing to see.

Here's a few answers to some of the questions we're being asked when people find out.
---No, they are not identical...hence being in two different sacs.
---Yes, twins run in my family, but coincidentally that's not how these little ones came to be.
---No, I have not been twice as sick, THANK GOODNESS! In fact, I feel very blessed that I only have felt nauseous in the evenings and even then...not every night. I have felt more tired than anything and want to crash almost everyday, when I get home from work.

We were able to get our Christmas wish a few months early this year!!! It's been a long hard road and many years to get to this point, but we're are sure grateful for these two little miracles that will soon bless our lives! I have a very strong testimony that Heavenly Father knows what's best for us and is very involved in our lives each day.

Merry Christmas!!!

A Season For Thanks!

2010-12-02T22:35:00.011-06:00

As the month of November comes to a close and December is here. I have to reflect a bit on what a wonderful season this time of year is. I love how the Thanksgiving holiday, brings in the true spirit of Christmas to all our hearts. We have so much to be thankful for and year after year I seem to appreciate a bit more the little things in life. Here's some of the little things, I'm thinking about tonight...

I'm grateful for a husband who has worked so hard the past few months. He has dived into the heart of job searching. With Stephen graduating in April (yes, I really can't believe it's coming so fast) He's hard at work looking for a full time job. From our experience last year in looking for internships, we thought the road would be the same long hard one and maybe not find anything until the spring or even summer. Well, a few weeks ago he got a job offer. He also has a few more companies where he's made the final round of interviews and is flying back next week to see if he makes the final cut. We are so thrilled to have something...a job....especially in this economy and possibly a few to choose from.

We are so blessed to have family on both sides so close to us. Both of us keep talking about how we need to do more with them, since we live so close. So we decided to take his brother and sister and two cousins up to my parents cabin for the weekend. We had a fun time up there! We were able to pull the 4-wheelers out with just a few inches of snow and play around on them. We stayed up way too late talking, laughing and watching Toy Story 3. The next day however, it took us hours to get home. We had some new snow fall over night and made for very slick conditions coming down the mountain. We saw countless cars and trucks who'd slid off the road into banks of snow or hanging off the edge. We made it out okay and glad we'd thrown in the chains for our car. Lesson learned....always say your prayers. :)

Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. Let's just say it was almost like the first Thanksgiving, in the fact that we literally ate all day for almost 3 days straight!!! Seriously, my mom loves to always have food out and on the counter. So when it came time to eat the big turkey and mashed potatoes dinner. I honestly couldn't fill my plate too full. We loved hanging out with everyone and got to spend time with my little brother and his family who came up from Texas. It was so fun to see them...especially since we were just there a month ago. I wish I had some pictures to show, but we didn't even pull the camera out.

Nonetheless, we truly are blessed and have seen many miracles happen in our lives. I am so grateful for the eyes to recognize them. I love the Christmas season and to be able to celebrate the birth of our savior. It is the most wonderful time of the year.

Cheering on them Cougars!!!

2010-11-10T21:44:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, my cute niece Alina came down and we enjoyed the BYU vs Wyoming game together because Stephen was gone for the week in Chicago doing some job recruiting. We cheered them on, avoided the rain and had a great time. It was an exciting game and we're hoping that they can win a few more games like this the rest of the season.

Halloween Festivities

2010-11-10T20:52:00.000-06:00

I'm slowly trying to catch up on all of my blogging that I've neglected the last month or two as the busy-ness of life creeps upon me.

We had our annual family Halloween party! It was quite the party... as always. The grandkids look forward to this event every year. This year however, Stephen was in Chicago on a job recruiting trip. (Yes we are deep into the application and interview process.) So I went by myself as the all American Statue of Liberty. We had a great time chatting, making homemade doughnuts and homemade rootbeer, bobbing for apples, and eating of doughnuts on a string. Here's some of my favorite pictures from the night!

All the grandkids in costume!

Making the rootbeer

Happy Halloween!!!

The Herbst Family

Everything's Bigger in Texas

2010-10-28T20:50:00.000-05:00

We were so excited to visit my little brother Matt and his family over fall break. Once again it was somewhat a last minute trip. (we're starting to get really good at these.) We found some awesome deals on flights and just couldn't resist seeing what Texas was all about. We had a wonderful time seeing the sights and spending time with family. Matt and Annie showed us all of the highlights of the big town of Houston and were wonderful hosts. Both Stephen and I agreed that our favorite was just hanging out with the kids and relaxing. Although we had a wonderful time we learned some great things about the big city of Houston.

It's the 4th largest city in the U.S. (But you wouldn't realize it....there's so much land down there, it's really spread out unlike NYC) We went to a really fun park in the center of town and enjoyed walking around, having a picnic, taking a train ride and seeing the ducks.

We learned pretty quickly that everything is bigger in Texas. Our first morning there we went to a natural preserve where we could see alligators in the wild. Unfortunately we didn't see too many alligators, but we saw plenty of other gigantic wildlife which would include mostly huge spiders, ants and snakes. The longhorn cattle was also pretty awesome to see just a bunch of them grazing in a field as you'd drive by. (I really felt like we were in the deep in the heart of Texas when we saw those.) We wanted to see an armadillo while there, but never got the chance. :)
We loved cheering on our niece Kayla in her soccer games. With Matt being the team's coach, we were able to go to both her practice and game that week. We loved seeing her get so excited and run after the ball. I loved watching the mass of 4 year olds running with the ball and kicking it in every direction. It was especially great to see them get so excited even when they made a score in the wrong goal.

They definitely know how to do BBQ. Matt took us to their favorite BBQ place in town and it was simply delicious. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. :) I was amazed at all the wild animals hanging on the wall...especially the wild boar.

"Houston" was the first word that Neil Armstrong spoke when he landed on the moon. We were able to visit the NASA space center. We just happened upon seeing the "Saturn V" space shuttle on our way to some other sights. It was really a neat sight to see and I couldn't believe how big everything was. They actually had to build the building around the space shuttle. It was fun to see the actual space center and how huge the complex is.

The Gulf of Mexico can be a beautiful sight. We were able to visit the Kemah Boardwalk, right off of the shore and saw lots of fishing and sailing boats in the ocean. It was really a wonderful sight. It's a fun little place with rides and shopping. Matt was telling us how hard this place was hit with hurricane Ike a few years back. With boats being carried a few miles from the shore. It's incredible how much it's been rebuilt. Kayla and I enjoyed eating a messy funnel cake while Stephen and Matt took a ride on the daring roller coaster.

Texas has beautiful weather... at least this time of year. We had amazing weather in the 80's with low humidity. Yeah, we know that it wasn't their usual fall temperature or humidity. But we enjoyed every minute of it, with it being in the 60's on here in Utah.

Freeky Friday Night

2010-10-26T21:45:00.002-05:00

So just for the record...Tarantulas live in Utah.....right close to our house. Stephen and I decided to go for a little fall hike up to the "G" in Pleasant Grove. It was a warm fall Friday afternoon a few weeks ago and we headed up the mountain. We had just started out on the trail, when I came so close to stepping on this!

I couldn't believe it! I jumped and screamed. Then when Stephen saw it he jumped and screamed. After we realized what it was, we were very fascinated by how gigantic this wild spider was. Yes, I hate spiders and little ones I can step on and kill. But how would you get rid of this huge thing? It was roughly the size of a doughnut. I shudder at the very thought.

End of Summer Happenings

2010-09-25T22:22:00.001-05:00

I feel like it's been forever since I've had time to sit down at my computer for more than a minute or two. So we'll attempt to update our blog...We'll see how it goes. Both Stephen and I have gone non-stop the past 3 or 4 weeks.

A Last Minute Trip

With a week left before I started back to school, Stephen got on his spontaneous kick again and we decided to do a last minute road trip to Michigan. One of my cousins asked "who goes on a last minute trip to Michigan?" Answer: We do. Stephen's recovery from his surgery was faster than expected and he felt up to it. So we packed out bags, were in the car in less than 5 hours and headed out on the 29 hour drive to Midland. It was great little get-a-way and we loved spending time with family we don't see but once a year or so. To sum it all up in a few short sentences.

We had the most surprised looks I've ever seen on his family's face (that's right we decided it would be more fun not to tell them we were coming!)
We got to see our new niece Eva and new nephew Austin for the first time.
I went fishing with all the boys in the family. We caught some big ones....and have the pictures to prove it. :)

That's right...there's our big one!

Spent a day kayaking on the Chippewa river and saw hundreds of turtles. We spent most of our time trying to catch them and letting them crawl around in our kayaks.

Relaxed, laughed and played lots of games with the family. Nothing beats a competitive game of Dominoes.
Went to the local zoo and saw lots of animals

Just couldn't resist posting this lovely shot!

Stephen was able to rebuild his old glider airplane and we took it on a test run. It was fun to see him get so excited.

Realized that road trips aren't so bad...especially if you get to stop and see the sights along the way.

Made a quick stop at Lake Michigan on our way home and got our feet wet.

Camping with the Holden's

Roasting some marshmallow :)

We decided to do a 2nd annual camping trip with the Holden's that are out here in Utah. It was so much fun. We roped in Stephen's cousin, her husband and 1-year boy to come along this year. We had a great time setting up tents in the dark, sitting around the fire cooking tinfoil dinners, roasting marshmallows and making smores, being creative with no bathrooms for miles around and sleeping on a deflated air mattress all night long. It doesn't get any better than that!

James and Erin warming up by the fire!

Cheering on the Cougars
BYU had it's first football game of the season and we were able to go. Well....I'll be honest with it being Stephen's last year, we caved and got season tickets. So we'll be cheering the cougars on all season long. Waaahoooo. It was a great game and were able to have my parents come down and go with us. It was such a blast!

Back to the Grind
Although it's towards the end of September, I still have to convince myself that summer is over. Stephen's started back into his second year in the MBA program. We're hoping that this year isn't so intense as the first (at least that's what we've been told.) He's already on the hunt for full time jobs. He has been applying to jobs like crazy. We've both decided that looking for a job is almost 6 credit class in and of itself. He's loving the MBA and we are so grateful for this opportunity. He is like a sponge and just soaking up all the info from his classes. We won't know what to do with ourselves when he graduates this spring.
I also started back into the school mode. It's been a good year so far. I have a lot more kids this year in my class, which means I have more aides. I think that the large number of kiddos is going to be my biggest challenge this year. (which is saying a lot for special ed. I don't have any big behavior challenges or crazy parents....at least as of yet...) I love everyone of them and they are such a fun group of kids. I'm really enjoy the year so far. It's crazy to think we've been back at it for over a month.

It's comming...

2010-08-18T22:07:00.000-05:00

Yep, here is proof that we've tried a little garden for the 2nd year and haven't killed a single plant! (we're one up on last year!) I think each year we're learning a little bit more. We've already started harvesting some cucumbers and zucchini....I can't wait for the bushes of tomatoes to turn red! Yummmmmm!

The Past Two Weeks

2010-08-04T22:41:00.002-05:00

We haven't really gotten out of our house very much the past few weeks and for good reason. If you've stopped by to visit... you might have found Stephen doing some fancy stunts.

If you can't tell from the picture, there are two big black walking casts on his feet. About 2 weeks ago Stephen had surgery on both of his feet. Yes, we did both at the same time. Stephen's always had problems with his feet his whole life and was incredible tired of feeling like "an old man" (as he would put it) after being on them.

Back in June I decided to make an appointment for another foot doctor just to get a second, third or fourth opinion. Well sure enough, this doctor confirmed his condition 'Tarsal Coalition' but then remarked that it can be corrected through a surgery. This was the first doctor to ever mention it being something that can be fixed. This really got Stephen excited. Within a few weeks we found out that our insurance would pay 100% and so we canceled our plans to spend time with family in Michigan and scheduled this.

We were first told that it could be up to 2-4 weeks before he could start walking again and were prepared for the worst. But after a few follow-up appointments, the doctor has been very optimistic. It was a rough first few days with incredible amounts of pain and some pretty strong meds. With having both feet done it's posed for some creative thinking of how to do things (ie. go to the bathroom, get in and out of the wheelchair, get up and down the stairs, get dressed, shower etc......) We've also realized that our house is not wheelchair friendly. Stephen's been pretty optimistic about it all and patient with me helping him do all of those things. It's kept us busy the past few weeks and poor Stephen's watched as many movies and played as many computer games as he can possibly handle.

So after only two weeks the doctor took stitches out and wants Stephen to walk around as much as the pain will allow. He also wants him to try not to wear the walking casts either. We'll see if we can get his swollen feet with 3 inch incisions on each foot, into some type of shoe. We haven't tried that yet...

We are sure grateful for the good news and speedy recovery! What a blessing with school starting in less than a month.

A Reason to Party

2010-07-16T09:59:00.000-05:00

I'm taking the liberty to write about this, because our blog has pretty much become our family journal since we've been married. So here it goes...

My dad is actually retiring! It's been a long process the last few years, but he finally made it. Well, we couldn't let this momentous time go unrecognized. So we decided to plan a little family party! It was a lot of fun to just do the planning. Since he's a banker we did everything around $$$ and even had his face printed up on some pretend money. It looked so real a few of the younger grandkids thought it was better than real money. We spent the whole day in SL in their main office where my dad's worked for the past 30 years! We ended up doing everything on the 21st floor. It was great and such an amazing view of the city. The day started by walking across the street to temple square and we took some family pictures...since the whole gang was in town. Then the party started! He took the grandkids on a tour of the whole bank, we played some a bunch of different games (including BINGO which is a tradition at the annual bankers convention we've been to many times in Sun Valley) as well as some hilarious "minute-to-win-it" games. All in all we had a splendid day together and am so thankful for a hard working dad throughout my life. He's a wonderful example to me!

Independence Day Celebrations

2010-07-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

Each year I look forward to the 4th of July and all that this holiday brings. This year we did things a little different with my parents on vacation in Europe. Usually we all head home and celebrate in Kaysville, but this year all of my family came down this way to join in the festivities. We had my little brother Matt and his family visiting from Texas and kicked off the weekend with a big family BBQ. Then it's becoming tradition to run a 5K in the morning. So this year we tackled the Freedom Run in Provo. I'm so proud of my 9 year old nephew, who ran his second race this year. It's so fun to see him get excited for the race. The race was great and we got to see all the hot air balloons rise over our heads as we ran the parade route. Then we found the rest of the family and watched the amazing Provo parade (this was a first for me and Stephen and I would have to say that it's quite a step up from the little parade in Kaysville.) Then we spent the next two days swimming, eating yummy food, watching movies, fireworks, and having more BBQ's with friends and family etc. It was a constant party for a good 72 hours. We had a great time and loved having everyone come down our way.

Playing in the Pool

Watching the fireworks on a chilly 4th of July

Stephen and I enjoying the parade!

Me and my "little" brother :)

Relaxing with uncle Stephen

Our Spontaneous Date Night

2010-07-06T11:03:00.003-05:00

One thing that is very different about Stephen and I is that one of us is very much a planner and the other is totally spontaneous. I won't mention who is who, but let's just say that we've learned over the few short years that we've been married that there needs to be a balance of both of these in our lives. So sometimes and somehow we seem to find a balance between these two. Last weekend we decided we needed to be totally spontaneous. We've talked about doing this for a while, so maybe it was somewhat planned....anyways, here was our adventure!

1. We hopped into the car around 4:00pm not knowing if we'd have time to do it all but headed out anyways.
2. Made a quick stop at Wal-mart for a few supplies (ie. graham crackers, marshmallows, chocolate and a little gas can)
3. Headed up to my parents cabin.
4. We got there and packed up the 4-wheelers with all of our goods.

5. Filled them with gas and took off onto about an 18 mile trip to the Uinta National Forest.
6. Found a spot to build a fire overlooking an amazing meadow and felt like the only ones out there.

7. Went looking for wood and built a fire. (yes...Stephen had his doubts, but I built that fire all by myself!)

8. Ate a little PB&J for dinner.
9. Roasted some delicious marshmallows and snacked on smores till we were full.

10. Couldn't take in enough of the scenery, but decided we needed to pack up and go.

11. Heading back to the cabin we were stopped by the DNR and feared for our lives :)
12. After the long trip back to the cabin, we realized there was a small family of great horned owls hanging out on the deck of our cabin. We parked the 4-wheelers and watched them. Never have I seen such big and beautiful birds....and four of them at the same time, just hanging out. It was incredible.

13. Got back home in time to get some real food (aka hamburgers and shakes)
14. Climbed out onto our roof and watched the big fireworks from around the valley, under a blanket we kept warm as we ate our real dinner.
15. Realized it was 4 years ago, underneath the fireworks that Stephen held my hand for the first time and we started dating more seriously. Wow!!! How incredibly fast time has flown and what a wonderful ending to such a spontaneous night!

Cabin Time

2010-06-29T10:06:00.000-05:00

We absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE spending time up at my parents cabin. It has become our little home away from home. And we'll find any excuse to go up and play, which is nice because it's only an hour away. My brother Ryan and his family were visiting from New Jersey and their trip wouldn't be complete without a few days up there. Stephen and I couldn't spend the entire time there because of work, but we were able to go up for a few days. It's always so fun to get away and relax. It's great when we're up there with family because it pretty much turns out to be. All the grandkids spend every waking moment outside, building forts, exploring, playing games, catching squirrels and getting filthy dirty in the process. While the adults spend time relaxing, chatting, eating and laughing. Oh and we can't forget the usual not showering for the day until about noon or so. Also, we must believe in the saying "where there's good food there's fun" there's always tons of food and I swear it seems like almost half of it is treats (donuts, ice cream, homemade goodies etc) It's all apart of spending time up there. Here's a few snapshots of this last time with Ryan's family.

New Eyes

2010-06-18T14:30:00.003-05:00

I've been out of school now for three whole weeks and it has been wonderful. I feel like I'm just as busy as when school is in. I'm just busy in a different way with everything that gets put on hold the last 9 months of the year. It's kind of my catch-up time, with cleaning my house, errands, exercising, projects, yard work etc. Well, this year I was talked into doing doing ESY, which is a summer program for special ed kids. It's nice because it's only about 10 hours a week and it pays really well. So I thought I'd give it a try. We started our first week this week and boy my eyes were opened. We were paired with another teacher and given 3 aides for our 12 kids. Which seems like a lot of adults, but we needed everyone of them. We've been given K-1st graders with Autism. I feel like my eyes have really been opened to a whole new world in my profession. A lot of these kiddos are non-verbal or if they have language they just repeat words/phrases it has no meaning. They're in diapers, about 3 of them are runners, one who bites (himself and those around him), and others do the whole rocking/self-stemming thing. I'll be honest, the first day was a disaster. Neither me or the other teacher has worked with this ability level with autism. But each day has gotten better. We even had one boy cry for only 2 hours instead of 3. Progress right!?! Well, it made me indeed grateful for my own group of kids that I work with throughout the school year. Sometimes I complain to Stephen a lot about them. But I have gained a great perspective and respect for my profession. : )

Our new neighbors

2010-06-14T09:33:00.000-05:00

So we've heard a lot of loud squawking out our window the past few weeks. A really loud and annoying sort of bird. I tried to ignore it, but the other day we finally found out what was making that noise. We live right next to a big field that lies between us and state street. From our upstairs windows, we were were able to see over the fence and down into the massive weeds that cover the field. Stephen was able to capture some good pictures and was pretty excited. I'm surprised Stephen's never seen a real pheasant before!(expecially with his knowledge and expertise of birds) I couldn't believe that such a beautiful bird, could be so loud. They have nested with some females...so we might have a whole family sometime soon.

We Should Have Brought our Snowshoes!!!

2010-06-04T13:12:00.000-05:00

So one of the things that both Stephen and I are passionate about is hiking, especially this time of year when the weather is getting warmer. This summer we've already been on a few hikes. But this last weekend tops them all. We've done a bunch of short mile hikes up to waterfalls close by our house and other local hikes. One of our goals this summer is to hike up to the top of Mt. Timpanogos, which is a peak that is around 11,700 ft. We've roped in some family to come and join us in July and are way excited for this adventure. Well this last weekend, we thought it would be fun to just start on the trail and see how far we could go. The weather ended up holding out on us and turining out to be great, so we hopped in the car and headed for the mountains. We started on the hike having a great time, but it was definately cold and windy! (probably somewhere in the low 40's) There were a few snow patches along the trail that we'd climb through, but about a mile and a half up the trail, we ran into the biggest snow patch I'd ever come in contact with. It was so big that we couldn't keep going and lost the trail. We did decide to have some fun with it though and slide down the 100 ft patch of snow. We were sad we weren't able to go farther, but ended up have a great time.

Here's Stephen making his way down the snowfield on the back side of Timp

Yeah, I'm trying not to fall on my face as we slide down. :)

This Old Man...

2010-05-30T17:41:00.001-05:00

So for about the past 2 1/2 months Stephen has been rubbing in the fact that I was in my 30's and he was still only 29 and soooo much younger than me. Well, last week we celebrate the big THREE -OH and boy was it good!!! Stephen isn't much for big parties and such. So we headed up to my parents and went to lunch with my two sisters. With Stephen's request, we went to the best burger place around...Red Robin. After we stuffed ourselves with burgers and fries, we headed back to my parents for a little cake and celebrations. That night, we had some friend and more family over to our place for ice cream sundaes. And the next day had his cousins, who live close by come over for a Sunday BBQ. All in all we did lots of celebrating, with lots of family and with lots of yummy food. In Stephen's words..."It can't get much better than this!"

Happy Birthday Stephen!

Yaaahooooo!!!

2010-05-10T17:17:00.001-05:00

Well, that about sums up how we feel. Stephen found an internship for this summer! It's amazing how everything has fallen into place. We've been searching since October for a job and researching companies all across the United States. After coming so close, but having no luck with any of them...Stephen finally decided to look at a few companies in Utah (if you know anything about Stephen, you know that he's ready to live out of Utah for a while...so this was a big deal) The week before finals, Stephen had four different offers all with companies in Utah. We were so excited and felt so blessed. We know that we're supposed to be in Utah this summer (for more than one reason) And we're going to live it up and play lots!
Congrats Stephen! I knew all your hard work would pay off. :)

The Madness of our March

2010-03-29T21:39:00.001-05:00

I can't believe how fast this month has flown by! We've stayed plenty busy and haven't done much blogging. I thought I'd just give a quick update on all of our madness for the month.

{Night Skiing}
The first of the month, Stephen and I decided to take advantage of some two for one ski passes. We hadn't been all season and so we dusted off the ski's and headed up the mountain. It was great! We happened to plan it perfectly with fresh snow from a crazy March snow storm that had hit earlier that day. With lots of powder, it sure wore on us. We realized how out of shape we were when we couldn't move the next day.

{Basketball}

We have a little march madness craze going around our house this month! Every March I look forward to filling out my basketball brackets (Which are mostly a completely random guess) We've been having this friendly competition with my family the last 6-7 years and it's becoming quite the tradition. We all get into it pretty big (even my mom), which is funny because I don't think many of us really follow the teams during the season. But we sure get into it this month and I love watching all the games, especially the upsets! We even have bobble head trophy that gets passed around from winner to winner each year. Stephen won it last year and we've been proudly displaying it! Where will it end up next? Who knows? It doesn't look like either one of us will be in the runnings this year to win, since both of my final teams were out long ago.

{Rex Lee Run}

A few weeks ago I decided to run another 5K. It was kind of a last minute decision...and was really a motivation for me to get up early and run before I go to work. It's a great little run around BYU campus and seems like it's getting bigger and bigger every year. There were over 2,000 runners this year! Thank goodness we had good weather, although it's always a chilly run at 8:00 in the morning, but we survived. :)

{Cooking Class}
I taught my first cooking class this month! Crazy I know...but it was really fun! There's an amazing group of women with the MBA spouses association and I was able to help them out by teaching a freezer meals class. Well, I'm no expert by any means, but I've been trying to do more freezer meals since I've been married, so that meal time can be a little faster. I had fun researching and experimenting before the class. However, now that it's all said and done, I'm very relieved that it's over :)

{Working in the yard}

Just this last week I've been enjoying the warmer weather. Spring has been such a hit and miss so far this year. With one or two warm days and then snow and freezing cold temperatures. But the last few days, I was able work in our backyard and do a little spring yard work! It felt so great to get out and dig in the dirt! I can't wait to plant our garden this year. Everything is still a bit brown, but I do have a few flowers starting to pop up here and there. I love seeing all the tulips and daffodils! It means that spring is here!

{The Countdown}
That's right! We are counting down the day for Stephen to finish his second semester of the program! He's already registered for classes next year and has only about 10 more days left of classes before he dives into finals. He's getting pretty excited to be finished, although we still haven't heard on a internship this summer. He is also getting pretty burned out this semester. It has been way more busy and intense than last semester. I haven't seen him nearly as much. He's taken over 19 credits on top of many other things. (I honestly don't know how's he's done it all!) I'm so grateful for a hardworking husband! We're definitely going to celebrate when finals are done. I just wish I could be done too! :)

{Frogs}

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine and she was telling me how she wanted to get rid of two little frogs. Call me crazy, but I decided to take them off her hands. She gave everything to me for them! My intention was to get these two little friends for my classroom. But I've decided to keep them home for a few days just to make sure that I can keep them alive! (I would hate to have a dead frog and tramautized kids) They are pretty cute and tiny. (maybe a bit bigger than a quarter) We'll see how long I can keep these two frogs alive! :o)

We're On The Hunt...

2010-03-03T20:08:00.001-06:00

Or I guess I should say that Stephen is on the hunt right now for a summer internship for his MBA program. We have been eating, drinking and sleeping with this in mind the past three or four months. It's been a crazy roller coaster, I can't imagine next year when we're looking for a real full-time job. We've had a few close calls where he makes it past a few rounds of interviews and than they decide to take other people. He even had a fly back last month to Dallas and was catered with 4 other BYU MBA'ers for a weekend, but still no luck. I know that part of it is just the whole economy thing and that many companies aren't taking interns. And if they are they're only taking one instead of four or five. So I know that we're not the only ones feeling this way, because well over half the people still don't have anything. On the bright side of things, I feel that we're both learning and growing through this experience. We've also looked into companies that we wouldn't have considered earlier, which has been a good thing. But we're still keeping our fingers crossed with a few prospects. We'll see how things go.

Now that I'm 30...

2010-02-28T15:38:00.001-06:00

Last Sunday was my birthday...and yes I'm now the ripe old age of 30. I think somewhere along the way I've miscounted. I certainly don't feel old enough to be entering a new decade. However, it was a nice and relaxing day. We took naps and had family over to our house for dessert. (I've decided that I really love having a birthday land on Sunday!) We really did most of our celebrating when we were in New York the week before. It was a wonderful day and I couldn't have asked for more.

Here are some of my most memorable top 30 things I've been able to see or do in my last 30 years!

Married my best friend
Earned my B.S. Degree in Special Education at Utah State University- Go Aggies!!!
Taught in 3 different school the past 7 years
During those 7 years, I've been able to associate with some amazing people (kids, parents, and colleagues)
Learned to play the guitar
Snorkeled with Sea Turtles in Hawaii
Started blogging. (Just another crazy addiction)
Saw the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace in London
Received the Crystal Apple Teaching Award
Had surgery on my knee followed by 6 months of therapy
Started running...and still love it!
Raced in over ten 5K or 10K races the past 4 years
Sailed in the Caribbean on a catamaran sailboat.
Went to my 10 year high school reunion
Became a big fan of the T.V. show "The Office"
Went to 4 different Olympic Events in SLC 2002 games
Volunteered as a coach for the USU Special Olympics basketball team
Saw the musical "Wicked"
Swam through some jellyfish :) (This was purely by accident!)
Flew in a small 2-seater airplane just me and my hubby
Was able to take over the controls and fly that small airplane myself high over the mountains
Been scuba diving
Became a True Aggie! :)
Received my ELL teaching endorsement
Saw the Eiffel Tower and ate delicious pastries in Paris
Swam in the great lakes...brrrrr it was freezing
Lived in 5 different cities all within the great state of UTAH!
Put in our own backyard...cement and all
Harvested vegetables from my very own garden
Bought my first home

Thanks for all the birthday wishes from all my family and friends!

Our Adventures in New York

2010-02-20T22:09:00.007-06:00

Stephen and I decided to take a last minute trip! We had many good reasons why we should go...(a.k.a. our justification for spending the money while we're living on a student budget)

Stephen needed to do some networking for internships and prospective jobs.
We needed to see my brother and family...they've lived in New Jersey for almost 2 years and we've never been!
Who could ask for a better way to spend Valentine's Day and celebrate my birthday all at the same time.
Plus we found plane tickets for way cheap!

We bought tickets just 2 weeks before we headed out and we had an absolute blast! There's nothing like a last minute trip and although it was a chilly time of the year to visit, it was so good to get away from everything for a few days. We had a wonderful time and loved staying with my brother and his family. They are so darn cute and I realized how much I miss them. We stayed at their house and they live just around the corner from a train station. We would hop onto the train and ride about an hour into the city. We ended up spending 3 of our 5 days in the big apple. The first day, we spent the morning at the Museum of Natural History. (which looks nothing like in the movie, Night at the Museum) Then we headed 'downtown' to Wall Street where Stephen had an interview. While we were down there we saw ground zero, some amazing cathedrals, NY stock exchange. Then that evening we spent some time at the Manhattan Temple. It was neat to do some work and a great way to end the day in the busiest city ever!

Saturday morning was the coldest ever. It chilled us to the bone. We had tickets to the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island and walked the Brooklyn Bridge. After we headed to China town, where they were getting reading for the Chinese New Year, and had some authentic Chinese for dinner. After being outside almost all day, we decided to head home early. Even being bundled up we were frozen.

Our Valentine's Day was great! We certainly spent it with the ones we love :) Our cute nieces and nephews were sure excited. It was fun to be able to celebrate with them.

We headed back into the city on President's Day now thinking that we're pros at getting around. We walked through Central Park and down 5th Avenue (where we saw some ritzy stores...my favorite being Tiffany's :) Rockefeller Center and over to Times Square. However, the most exciting part of the day was when we we're able to get tickets to a taping of David Letterman for that evening.

Now this is quite a funny story....when we found out the day before that we had tickets we were pretty excited. We stood in line to pick them up at will call and somewhere along the way they told us that we must have impressed someone and they upgraded us to the first 2 rows of seats. We couldn't believe it! Things like this just don't happen to us. We had about 45 minutes to kill before we needed to be back to be seated and so we decided to walk around. When we were heading back we got mixed up and turned around, well I guess I should say we got lost. We were running up and down the blocks trying to figure out where to go. (which I'm sure was quite the sight to see) So needless to say we didn't make it to the "front row seats", but we still make it to the taping and were able to see David Letterman in person. It was fun to see all the behind the scenes stuff, but we were sure disappointed we didn't get back in time.

Can't I teach already...

2010-02-19T18:55:00.001-06:00

All I have to say is I'm sick of doing sub plans. I've been out of my classroom five days the past two weeks. Don't get me wrong, it's all been great to be on vacation, attend a conference, and have other district meetings... but it definitely is so much more work to get things ready for a substitute. It was crazy how all these things came all at the same time. I was able to go to a literacy conference on Thursday and Friday, with about 10 other teachers/administrators from my school. It was a really good conference despite the fact that they kind of ragged on special education as a whole.
However, I'm definitely not used to sitting in a chair for 7 hours of the day. I have to laugh, because all I could think of was what happened to one of my little boys last week. I turned around to write something on the board and when I looked back towards the class, he had literally turned upside-down in his chair with his head hanging down to the floor and his feet kicked up high into the air. I admit I'm becoming more and more ADD like my kids at school.
I really miss my kiddos and am ready for a week of the normal chaos that goes on in my little room #107.

3 Years Ago Today...

2010-01-13T17:56:00.002-06:00

We were married for Time and All Eternity.

This was the best decision I ever made!

I love you Stephen!

Motivation? ... or the lack there of

2010-01-08T19:46:00.001-06:00

So...I always wonder how to motivate myself to exercise during the winter months. I don't know if anybody else has this same problem. The summer months make it so easy. I go running 3-4 times a week plus all the other summer outdoor activities, hiking, water skiing, ultimate frisbee, or taking walks with Stephen after dinner. But this time of year it's just so stinking cold that I lose every ounce of motivation. I'm always so drained after a long day of teaching, getting home around 5pm making dinner and dishes....I'm about ready for bed after all that. We do have a small exercise room at our complex that I need to take more advantage of. But it's hard to get myself even outside with these freezing temperatures. Well, Stephen found a way to help with this dilemma...it was the perfect Christmas gift. Thanks sweetheart!
I absolutely LOVE it! It really gives me a good workout. I'm using muscles I haven't used in a very long time. After a few weeks of using it I feel great! Working out during the cold months....bring it on...well in the comfort of my own home! Yea! Now for the rest of my New Year's Resolutions.....I'm still working on those.

2010

2010-01-02T09:37:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year!!! I can't believe it's January and we're heading into a new year. Well, actually a new decade...time is going way to fast these days. I look back 10 years ago and what were we doing back then....?

Emily was...

A sophomore at Utah State
Enjoying the college life with roommates and friends
Working towards applying to the special ed program and hoping to get in
Left the teen age years and feeling more mature being a whopping 20 years old.

Stephen was...

only 6 months into the mission field serving in Argentina
still trying to figure out how to speak the Spanish language fluently
hard at work :)

The world was...

scared to death by the whole Y2K thing and had everyone in a panic, which really amounted to nothing.
had just elected George W. Bush to office and didn't realized what this man would have to deal with during his term in office with terrorist attacks and our country going to war.
reality shows on T.V. were just starting to come about
the internet was something most of us still dialed-up to connect and was mainly used to check email

Crazy what we're you doing 10 years ago?

Our Christmas

2009-12-28T19:48:00.007-06:00

It's crazy to think that Christmas has come and gone. With so much anticipation leading up to it...it's sad to see this time of year come to an end. We were definitely blessed to have had a wonderful holiday this year.
We spent Christmas this year with my family. It was nice not to have to travel very far for the holiday. We headed up on Christmas Eve where there were lots of Christmas festivities waiting! Matt and his family visiting from Texas and we were able to spend some time with them. We did our usual family traditions, baking Christmas goodies, eating a yummy dinner, singing Christmas songs as we set up the nativity, reading from the Christmas Story and opening up our Christmas P.J.'s.
Christmas morning was so fun with my brother Matt's little kids. I love seeing how excited they get. Cute Kayla was set on leaving Santa chocolate chip M&M cookies(which we specially made) and 9 carrots. It was darling to see her expression when she woke up and found them all gone and a special note left for her. We all had fun pulling out our presents and trying them out.
The next day, my brother Ryan and his family flew in from New Jersey and we were able to have our annual family Christmas Party. We are getting to be quite the group when we all get together. There are now 18 grandkids and then all the adults, it fills up my parents house pretty fast. We always have a great time together laughing and catching up.Grandpa reading the Christmas story on Christmas Eve.
Christmas morning...I love this contagious smile!
Opening our stockings...and yes I am a big David Archuleta fan!

In other news... Stephen and I have both been enjoying a little break from school. It's been such a relaxing week for both of us and has been so nice to have time together at home. He's starting to get geared up with the next semester of the MBA program. Currently, he's signed up for 19 1/2 credits. (Just too many good classes to choose from, I guess) I'm worried that he'll burn himself out pretty fast. Let's cross our fingers that he'll drop a class or two.
We've been filling up our time with hanging out with friends, attending our fair share of Christmas Parties and get-to-gethers, reading books, deep cleaning the house and laughing along with Stephen as we watch old episodes of 'The Office'. Why does this relaxing break have to come to an end?

Thanksgiving in Illinois

2009-12-06T08:58:00.001-06:00

We decided to be adventurous this year and take a road trip to Illinois. Most people would call this crazy, but we were excited for the trip! Stephen's sister lives there and it was about 8 hours shorter than to drive all the way to Michigan. So everyone met up in Illinois. Stephen has two siblings out here, going to BYU. So with four drivers, it made it a lot more do-able. On the way out, we left at 2 am and drove all through the day. We didn't stop for anything but gas and food and we got there about midnight that evening. We had a great time and kept busy in the car watching movies, playing games, sleeping, reading and chatting about anything and everything. Once we were there and caught up on our sleep, we had a fabulous time. It was so fun to spend time with the Holden's. I am so grateful to have good in-laws. We don't get to see them too often, but we always spend so much time laughing together. And not to mention the good Thanksgiving food and yummy pies! We brought our camera, but played so hard we didn't even take a single picture...oh well. We headed back Saturday afternoon for the long haul. I would have to say the the 22 hour drive to Illinois wasn't so bad. But four days later, the 22 hour drive back to Utah was long and hard.

In the spirit of the holiday, here's the top 10 things I'm Thankful for this year...in no particular order!

1.My sweet & patient husband, Stephen
2.Temples and that I know families are forever
3.Moments when I have the clarity of thought to acknowledge that I can’t control what happens – only how I react
4.The sunshine!
5.Good health...knock on wood
6.My job
7.The Freedoms we have and all the many comforts I live with
8.Trials...in all shapes and sizes
9.My parents and their example to me
10.My kids at school who make me smile and tear my hair out all at the same time.

Kicking off the Christmas Season

2009-11-30T19:35:00.000-06:00

I'm usually one of those people who will NOT listen to Christmas music, get out my Christmas Tree or do anything of the sort BEFORE the Thanksgiving holiday. I just think that Thanksgiving gets lost in all the craze of Christmas and what a better way to bring in the Christmas holiday than to remember what we are Thankful for. Well, this year I have to admit I did get a little excited. The weekend before Thanksgiving my mom had bought a few tickets to the Nutcracker. She enjoys taking all of her grandkids to the ballet (brave... I know!) So this year, I got to tag along with all my nieces and nephews. It was so fun to get all dressed up and go to a real ballet. It had been a very long time since I'd been to the Nutcracker. I love the music and the story and epecially seeing how excited all my nieces and nephews were. Cute Emma (who is 4 and has been taking ballet the past few months) kept shouting out "look there is a real ballerina! It was a great way to bring in the Christmas spirit and got me excited for this wonderful time of year! I will admit after seeing the Nutcracker, I couldn't help but braking out my Christmas music!

Halloween Fun

2009-11-09T21:33:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a week or so, but I hope everyone had a fun Halloween! We sure did! We did all the traditional holiday festivities....and enjoyed every minute of it! With Halloween being on Saturday, we had more of a busy Halloween weekend. Friday was the big day at school. Most teachers dread this crazy day of the year, but as hard as it always is, it's so fun to see the excited little kiddos all dressed up in their costumes. It was a busy day and I came home and just crashed on the couch for almost an hour before we got back into our costumes and met up with my family that night. We always end up doing a family Halloween party because we have a few birthdays around this time of year and celebrate those. It's fun for all the little cousins to see each other dress up. My mom is the one who probably gets into it the most....which is really funny because she never did anything like this for us when we were little. It must be the grandkids! :) We had a delicious dinner and then the kids played some fun games including the traditional bobbing for apples.

The cute kids all dressed up!

My mom as a "deviled egg"

Bobbing for some apples!

On Halloween, we decided at the last minute to go hang out with my sister Camille and her kids for the evening. We headed up to Kaysville for the night and Stephen even went around trick or treating with the little kiddos. Boy were they hyper. They came back with their bags full of candy in one hand and something unwrapped and half eaten in the other. Camille and I stayed and handed out candy to the little ghouls who came by. Living in a young neighborhood they had lots of visitors! After the kids went to bed we stayed up just talking. We sure love hanging out with our family. Thanks guys!

Sick and Tired

2009-10-12T17:29:00.000-05:00

Today, as I sit here, I'm home in my bed sick. Yuk! I've been sick for a month now and it's just not getting any better. So I finally broke down and went to the doctor who loaded me up with a bunch of drugs and I'm feeling better already. It's nice to have a day off of work and relax. So since I have some time on my hands I thought I'd catch up on some blogging that I've been meaning to do for a while now. We've been really busy around our house...but busy is good right?

My little brother was in town the other weekend from Texas. It was so good to see him, his wife and his darling little kids. We had fun catching up and laughing lots. We spent some time at the cabin to celebrate his birthday and listen to conference. I can't believe how big his kids are getting and how much I miss him being around!

I wish this picture turned out better! Here's Matt with his kids who love and adore him.

Stephen's catching a quick hug from little Preston!